The Obscure

Welcome, one and all, to the incongruent ravings of an inferior mind!

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

 
hey hey all, in case you didn't know, rob gave me a stern talking to about my current depression on his site and then tim added to it, I thought the whole scenario kinda funny actually. I'm feeling really elated right now haha, maybe I'm manic depressive or something. anywho, if you read on his site, he says about how I have an amazing gorgeous funny nice girlfriend (I love her so much) and that people like me and such and that I have no real reason to be depressed. welp, here's how I see it, first of all, I have gone through a lot of strife in my life, not to sound to melodramatic, but it's true, I have had my problems, both of my parents had cancer, my mom's got extreme migraines and athritis, my sister has athritis, I might have athritis, I haven't suffered much personal damage myself, but It's hard with this much illness in my family, and that causes me some frustration at times. secondly, I myself think FAR too much, I never stop. which in alot of cases isn't bad, but in some, like when I look back on all the wrongs committed by mankind, the perversion of life i have to suffer through, the unintentional oppression weighing us down at every waking moment, I do get depressed. I have no excuse really, but hey, it's chinatown. or maybe I think I'm fat....who knows. mainly though, my one, big depression factor, is as follows and I quote, I'm reeeeeaaaaally lazy. I believe that somes it up, I look at the life of working and scrambling I will have to do, and I cringe, my heart sinks, because I can't escape it, unless I die, but I don't want to die, that's no fun, so I'll just have to live with it, instead of just living without worry, like mankind was supposed to. you see, we weren't supposed to have to, work to live, to plant food, and hunt, and everything like that, because we have philosophy, merely being in our righteous state, we would have no freaking time to work on stuff, we'd be too busy communing with the spirit. these are the things that depress me, philosophy, heartache, paranoia, and, last but most certainly not least, school. yes, it does affect me. but these are the things that make me happy, My chums and family (I love you all), lauren (I love you intensely), art (you are inanimate, but I love you still), music (ditto), food (i'm going to eat a huge can of frosting when I finish this) and last but most certainly not least, sleep, that's right, I get it when I can, because it's so comforting, like, being in an egg, and not yet having to face the troubles outside. welp, I have to go, cya all later, I love you more than air

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