The Obscure

Welcome, one and all, to the incongruent ravings of an inferior mind!

Thursday, April 29, 2004

So far today I've spent the entire day trying to install Warcraft Three on my computer. There are so many things wrong with it that I can't even begin to think about ever telling you the number of things that may or may not have been wrong with it at one time in the past, present, or near future.

Make sense o' that!

Teresa and Maria came over today. It's cool cause I don't get to see them a whole lot. Ever since Maria got married she's been doing things like being self-sufficient and living with her husband and stuff. Woo. that's all well and good for them, but who am I gonna play donkey kong with now? Love?!
(For the sake of those who did not read that the way it was intended, I was asking angrily if I was supposed to play donkey kong, with love. Like love is a person, whom I'm going to play donkey kong with. When you think about it this way, love isn't all you need. You need love and an older sister... and an SNES.)

HEY! Y'all be happy to know that I actually FINISHED reading "the fellowship of the ring" and am now like 100 pages into "the two towers"!
Y'all, in this case, is really just Taylor. But still.
Yeah I'm really fweakin interested in them now, I don't know what came over me. I've always loved the story and stuff but never actually read the books, just seen different movies or cartoons a lot haha. tore through the first one in two days now though. Amazing, simply put.

my head fweakin hoits man. I'm goinsta die. Oh wait, no I'm not. Man I'm a sissy.

I don't know what's up with me today, I should be really angry and depressed because I'm grounded and also a bunch of things have gone wrong; and I've got a headache. But I'm not. I'm floatin' on air. What the hell is happening? I feel like somebody injected me with just enough heroin to make me feel euphoric but not enough to make me get all shivery.
on another note, my hormones are a-fweakin-ragin'. *wink*

Senator Bodiddly, what is your opinion on the rising whole milk prices in northern Indiana?
Our official position on the subject has not been decided yet.
Senator Bodiddly, how can you ignore the needs of Indiana's Moo-Cow farmers at a time like this, when they so obviously need the reform you promised when you ran for office in 1576?
I do not believe I am ignoring the rising need of the Moo-Cow Farmers, far be it from me to do so. My parents were Moo-Cow farmers, as were their parents before them.
Senator Bodiddly! You're a stupid Jackass!
Our official position on the subject has not been decided yet.

Daaaaaaaaaaamn right.

Lemma say one thing here dahlin. I don't like any politics, in any country, in any fashion. If it were up to me, we would enslave anyone with an IQ of less than 150 and force them to do manual labor under a world-wide version of "the carrot or the stick policy". You do it right, you get room, board, and the right to procreate. If you resist, you are forced to serve as a lowly slave in the homosexual country of Unwantedmolestatia. Slaves could earn their freedom by coming in the top 50 of the yearly boggle olympics.

Truly, this would be a paradise.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Sweet Mo LOVIN shazz bitch! I am UPDATING MY BLAWG! Yeah fweakin roit! Tell me sumfin a'fo I smack yo head with this large implement of destruction I'ma carryin, what's yo name and why you stackin up t'os vetchtables? Come on, juss tell me, I wansta know, and I'm goinsta find out. You might as well give it ova, cause if you don't I'll just smack it out o' with this hard stonelike rockish force of eternal slammenin and all aroun' sweet shappin' tomfoolery.

*blank stare*
My sweet lord I'm tired, but I have much to do before my night is out. I have to clean the hallway, write up some emails, save atlantis, travel the globe in search for the fountain of youth, and find a toothpick. I got something stuck in one of my molars that is just fazzdabbin killin me.

I had an amazing day, and I'm feeling amazing. Unfortunately I'm about to collapse, and I do have to clean the hallway. I just feel weird not updating for a night. I hope you enjoyed my unintelligible rant, those that hang out with me a lot will know that I talk like that a lot of the time and I don't think usually they can understand that it at all, so maybe this will give you an insight into my insanity. Show you that there is a method to my madness, so to speak.

There isn't really.

I want a copy of "The Invisible Man" by Ralph Ellison. BUY IT FOR ME!

LOFI! BAH! How I despise lo-fi blogger. So very very much.

Anyway, I'm at Lauren's school right now, doing stuff, and things. It's pretty sweet. well actually it's not sweet at all, just dull. We gotta wait for teddy to finish his guitar lesson before we can go back to her house.

And then there was dancing.

I got nothing to say I just figured this was a good opportunity to update my blawg. I spelt it that way because I love you.

Hey did you hear about that controversial political subject?
I sure as hell didn't.

howdy everyone. Sorry again, for the let-down about the comic. I've been seriously considering maybe joining up Dancing Devil and this blog here, and just having a "latest strip" and "archive" link up where like that ol' guestbooky dealy is. I think it would work beautifully, if at all. I've been writing uber-strips lately, I just haven't been finishing them. My apologies for that one too. It must be frustrating for my throngs of Fans out there.
If all goes as tentatively now planned in my brain, I should have the sites joined together or something by the end of the week, with a new comic (or two) on there too boot. That'd be hot.

I'm going to see Lauren later. I'm wicked excited. She's such a cool girl, if it wasn't for the restrictions of our physical being I think I would take lewd pictures of her soul and then commit infedelities with them. Curse this Meat packing I came enclosed in. CURSE IT!

On that note, I'm off!

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Hey everyone. Sorry for all my false promises. Ben's here now, we are chillin. I don't got cable in this room though so it does nothing for me. Also, I feel like utter crap right now. I think I'm dying.
Anyway, see you.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

I am the tiredest I have ever been in my entire life.

I'll update this site and Dancing Devil tomorrow, I promise.

I tell you, having a computer in my room is the single greatest thing I could ever possibly imagine. I'm sitting here, with my tiger blanket and my comforter on, wearing Pjs, leaning against some pillows, with my legs up on my cushioned chair sitting on my couch with my keyboard in my lap, with a big glass of milk and such. I tell you, this is the most comfortable, warmest, and most of all Informative position I could imagine. It's informative because I am online. The information superhighway, and all that.

What ever happened to that nickname, the information super-highway? Did it die with ricky martin's career? Oh Snap.

This is all the blog update you guys are getting for tonight. See y'all.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and she's always gone too long
Anytime she goes away

Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gonna stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away

And I know, I know...

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness everyday
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away

Friday, April 23, 2004


That's right, I have, and it is found in the pages of this week's issue of The Weekly World News. I swear to GOD, I am having more fun reading this than I have had doing anything else ever in the entire duration of my life to date. Here is some example headlines....

"Angel Shot Down by U.S. Troops! Plus: How veterinarians fixed her broken wing!"
"Space Aliens Smoke Pot and Disco Dance! 'The aliens played the BeeGee's Hit You Should Be Dancing on a continuous loop!' Says alien abductee."

and (my favorite)...

"Open-Mouthed Urinal Idea Gets Flushed: Virgin Atlantic's plans for urinals shaped like a woman's open mouth at its new clubhouse at New York's JFK airport have gone down the tubes, after PO'd feminists complained that the idea was in bad taste."

My sweet lord, I have a reason to live. Yes Virginia, there is a santa clause, and his photograph can be seen in next week's issue of The Weekly World News.

Whooooa! Sweet mo lovin Shazz! Haha, I apologies yet again for that last post, I know that it was a little much for one entry, but who cares? It's carnival!
And you'll all be glad to know that I rediscovered that line between what should go on a public journal and what should remain private. I don't know if I ever did fully cross that line but lord knows I tried to.

Erin, Sarah, and Taylor came to town yesterday, we hung out for a while. I found a VCR by the side of the road but forgot to take it home from tim's house, so tim has a vcr now in his room, for the time being; that is to say, until I liberate them both. The VCR Liberation Army needs you, do you hear the call?

I have started, yet again, to write a friggin comic book. But I am so irresponsible, chances are I'll never finish it, again. Who knows though, maybe this is the one, maybe I'll finish this and send it in to fantagraphics and get published, and then maybe my comic will become an underground sensation, and every member of the counter-culture will know me by name and I shall travel among them recieving lavish gifts of whimsy and wonder.

Speaking of which, is this blog still "a whimsical walk of whimsy and wonder"? Because if so, that is awesome.

My mum got surgery yesterday. So I've been helping around the house. She can't really move, it was surgery on her knee. By helping around the house I mean of course that this morning I got her a bowl of cereal and that's about it. My elder sister came by yesterday though and made our family dinner. It's funny because she is so Ill herself, my dad said it's like the blind leading the blind.

Get back, honky cat. You better head back to the woods. Well I, quit those days and my red-neck ways and I... wait I don't remember the rest.

I had a wicked WEIRD dream last night (happy taylor?). But it has now entirely slipped out of my memory. I think it was just me and my good chums, all in my school, doing something. WAIT I REMEMBER IT NOW!!
I was in school on monday and for some reason I had to bring Teresa, Elena, Phil Wilcox, Matt Hogan, and Andy Ellis (most of you don't know some of them) home with me ALONG with Ben, it was like some promise my mum made for me haha. So I gathered everyone but Phil, Andy, and Ben all together in the bridgewater lobby but I couldn't find them, and then matt said that phil and andy were going home a different way so I just had to go look for Ben. And I was looking for the longest time until I went down to the team locker room where Ben, a bunch of kids I don't know, and Jake Mattern were all sitting there doing a drug of some kind. and I was FURIOUS. So I yell at him at the top of my lungs, and he gets up all sheepishly and walks over and we are gonna leave but I hear Jake Mattern laughing, I guess me yelling was funny to him, so I yell, "F*CK YOU!!!!" and he laughs some more, so I yell that again as loud as I can and hurl a book at his skull haha. And apparently Tim was behind me this entire time cracking up because I was yelling at some kid. That's really all I remember now.

Uh... that's all I got fo' now. Stay tuned for more updates, same Bat-time, same Bat-Channel!!

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I am in a FANTASTIC mood. I don't know if it's me taking my happy pills again, or just the weather beating down on my bad mood fortress until it collapsed, or the awesome day I had (though after some thought it's probably the third) but I am feeling DAMN good. Here is how my day went down....

I made several wardrobe changes throughout the night. Here is a list of them for reference, the following text will be coded.
Mary Shelley- Just white T-shirt and jeans.
Thom Hanks- I wore my blue janitor-esque jacket.
Mary Antoinette- I wore my guayubera shirt with my jean jacket.
On my way to petie's farm- I wore my green sweatshirt.
Got stuck in the mud in the driving rain- I wore my blue flannel and my green baseball hat.

I woke up at about 10:30, got out of bed, picked up the stack of clothes I had set out the previous night (sometimes when I'm going to hang out with Lauren I turn gay and do gay things like set out my clothes the previous night) grabbed my towel and took a shower. THEN I got out of the shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed and dried off (not necessarily in that order); (Mary Shelley) I left the bathroom at about 11:20, because I enjoy my long showers (bite me). I had to clean and vacuum the hallway for my mother because I had promised to do it before Lauren and Leah got here, and they were supposed to be here at 11:30. So I cleaned up the hallway as fast as I could, then I had to do the dishes because I had also promised my mother I would do those (last night); I was about halfway done with those when Lauren and Leah came in (a little past twelve. They are unreliable). (Thom Hanks) I finished those up and then joined them in my room, where we sat around for a while doing stuff that I don't really remember at all. Then Taylor came over; we hung out in my room and did stuff that I can't really remember now. (Mary Antoinette) Then we went a-walkin' down to kentacohut where I got three tacos (one from sugar-momma, two funded by regular-momma) and then we went to dunkin donuts and Lauren bought Taylor a coffee and we also met up with Tim (who had a hell of a time finding us). Then we went home again (home again, jiggety jig), after stopping at Roche Bros. Here is our shopping list...

Can of Frosting
Orbit Gum
Dr. Pepper

Seriously, we are stoners in all but the lack of marijauna use.
We met up with Hogan outside roche bros before we went to dunkin donuts and he liked my shirt immensely, I considered this a nice jab in the proverbial shoulder.

We were in Dunkin Donuts and we finally met up with Tim who had been looking and waiting for us for over an hour. We walked back to the house in a sleepy daze.
(Mary Shelley) We hung out in my room for a little while, us three guys insulting Leah and hurting Lauren and making general asses of ourselves; Leah and Lauren laughing at our antics and doing some strange homo-erotic, somehow humorous (but only to them) mo lovin' shazz.
(On my way to petie's farm) THEN they wanted to go to SalVal (not me, I'm lazy). So we got up and walked there, which involved a lot of singing, falling, piggy-backs, and skipping (Lauren skips, she's stupid). Eventually we made it there, where Lauren bought a new shirt and (sugamomma) bought me a John Lennon shirt (the same one Ryans got, for those mo lovin' shazzes out there). The total came to 2 dollars and 48 cents, I thought it was a good bargain. There was a leather chair there that was the most comfortable thing my ass has ever touched. If heaven was built on the conforming, supple foundations of that chair, I would become a missionary.
Then we left SalVal and headed over to where Taylor used to live because that's a fun place to run around and shazz, we got sidetracked though, and just hung out in the graveyard across from the High School for a little while and then turned back. Leah lent me her sunglasses cause I was starting to get a headache, I felt like I was in The Eagles. We sat on this rock for a little while and... uh... contemplated our lots in life (yes, that will do nicely). It was a fun time.
Then we hopped back on our Magical Transmogrifying Bus of Wonders (in this particular case, in the form of our shoes.) and trundled on back home. On the way though...


And also she wanted some french fries, so we stopped off at boigah ki and there was a huge line. So I got in line for her while she hopped aboard the tinkle-tank, paid for her fries (with her money, I'm as poor as hell) and Tim bought Taylor and hisself the famous Lost Boys Meal (I can't tell you what the meal is, it's a secret of the Lost Boys.... Also, we are called the Lost Boys apparently. Don't ask me why). THEN we finally did go home, around 5:30.
This entire time I had been kind of trailing Lauren like I was her confused toddler (my apologies for that chums) and we ended up walking kind of alone a little bit and got to talk a smidge when we were back at my house, it was cool; don't get me wrong, I loved the rest of it too, my friends are the greatest.
(Mary Shelley) We had to hang out for another hour before Youth Group, so we played some Quake and ate some of the stuff we had attained throughout the day. Leah and Tim drew a lewd picture of me and Lauren drew a cool picture of me that put my art to shame, then I drew a picture of Myself (jeez, too bad Taylor didn't draw a picture of me too.) and generally just doodled around. My sister found and returned my tiger blanket, which is my favorite blanket of all time.
The day was winding down, or was it just beginning?
My mom brought my sister and her friends to the lock-in that is currently being held at my church, we all hung out in my room making a mess and causing a ruckus and playing games until she rang the doorbell and (Got stuck in the mud in the driving rain) drove Leah, Lauren, and I to Youth Group. Taylor and Tim stayed behind, for reasons unknown to even the highest earthly authorities. On the way we listened to some jams, I made an ass of myself talking to Leah and Lauren about things of little consequence, and the day moved on.
When we got to NTCS Leah hopped aboard her car and drove home. Lauren and I hung out at Youth Group, joined the general festivities. While there was some strange game a'goin, Lauren took her toe ring, bent it, and put it on my nose on that in betweeny part, like a nose-ring. She squeezed the ring though and it hurt really bad, in a moment of blind nose-pain I hurled the ring away,;it fell in the radiator and was lost. I feel like a dick about it, but then she told me that it was her TOE RING that I lost. I don't feel quite as bad about it now, because it was THOUGHTLESS of her to do such a horrible thing to me, what with my foot-phobia.
Aside from that it was a fun time, things were said, games were played, I'm pretty sure I became a man; and now the day is 3 minutes from officially over (Mary Shelley) and I am in the best mood I have been in for years. It feels like summer, I don't know how I'm going to be able to go to school again. We shall see.

Sorry to bore you with this long and pointless entry. To be perfectly frank I am just hyper and have nothing else to do with the energy. Now, I think I shall go watch The Italian Job, and write in my actual journal about feelings I have that are too personal for this public place. Goodnight.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I was watching DareDevil just now. I have liked, up till now, all of those Marvel Comic movies to come out. I didn't see daredevil because Ben Affleck was in it, and as far as I am concerned there have only been three good rolls Ben Affleck has played, in Good Will Hunting, Dogma, and that other movie who's name I can't remember.
In any case, Daredevil blew, more than even I thought it would. My day is ruined. I was watching it while I tried to nap, because I am very tired. But I couldn't sleep at all, so I ended up seeing it through to the end. It really did suck, I'm so glad that The Punisher was so good, because if they treated the dark anti-hero thing in The Punisher as poorly as they did in DareDevil I'd have to go over and kick Stan Lee's ass. That rat bastard.

The only thing that was vaguely attractive about the film (besides jennifer garner; who, although under normal circumstances wouldn't be on my list at all, goes somewhere in my top ten hot actresses list when she is in leather fighting Bulls Eye.) is that one song by evanescence they played. Not that retarded "Wake me up inside" crap, I'm talking about that really sad one they played during the funeral scene. You know how it goes...

And if you cry
I would wipe away all of your tears
something something
take away all of your fears
*Sad singing ensues*

Yeah, I'm not a fan of Evanescence at all, although I listen to them on occasion because Lauren likes them I think. But that one song, becaue of the context in which I first heard it and how it did fit that context, kinda makes me feel like crying. I think I'm going to buy the album, and then scratch out everything but that song, somehow. They count as a one hit wonder with me, baby, but dass'all.

So it's been the general consensus amongst my friends that "sit down I think I love you" by buffalo springfield, is a song not to be liked. I'm going to be honest with you, I love the hell out of that song. I wish I actually knew the words because I always start singing it and then forgetting how it goes. I know it's a Stills song, but it's Stills good! (bada chish.)

Has anyone else noticed how the weather is chronically not sucking lately? what's up with THAT?! On one hand, I love this summery weather because it creates an aura of enjoyable casualness in my life that I can't help but love. But on the other hand, it makes me nostalgic and I end up feeling very depressed. So I've got this strange casual contentness mixed with this deeply rooted, pustulient emotion that is impossible to shake.
I think I should start taking heroin, then all my problems would be over.

I've found that music can make my actual physical pains go away. I never thought it would do that, but it's true. Like, when I have something emotional going on in my life I flip through all my CDs and records or whatever and try to find an album that has the same feeling that I am feeling. I can usually find one, I counted and I have 63 cds. Maybe 20 records, and maybe 10 tapes. Not a huge collection like Ryan's or Tim's or Taylor's, but it's pretty good I think, it touches many different things. I think I have a good Sampling, to put it perfectly frankly.
Right, so sometimes I'll have a headache, and if I listen to an album that has the same emotional structure as my current mood, it can make my headache go away sometimes. My headaches are usually stress related, it runs in the family.

A lot of my life and theories and such involves the phrase "It runs in the family." but... I mean, it's true. We are a messed up family. As much as I sometimes put down or get irritated by/irritate my younger sister, we are very alike in our hearts. Everyone in my family get's this thing I've come to call "Cosmic Depression". (I'm pretty sure everybody get's it, we just complain more.) Cosmic Depression is when you feel like horrible injustices are being perpetrated on your person by forces unknown to you, perhaps only perpetrated by nothingness, it's the realization of the total abject unfairness in the universe, the realization that you'd really rather not be there at all. Not like you want to die, but like you want to never have been. It's a strange feeling; I don't know if it's the norm.
As messed up as my family is, we are only messed up individually. I think that, for how introverted all of us are, we are doing amazingly with the whole "Family Ties" thing.

"Shatter my brain." Said the Rice-a-Roni Silkworm.

I guess I'm done here, take care fellas.

Ok, so I am giving in to the pressures of my existing blog. It has nothing to do with you I just think of this thing as like my duty to mankind almost, don't ask me why. Here is some neil young lyrics.

Neil Young- Old Man

Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.

Old man look at my life,
Twenty four
and there's so much more
Live alone in a paradise
That makes me think of two.

Love lost, such a cost,
Give me things
that don't get lost.
Like a coin that won't get tossed
Rolling home to you.

Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.

Lullabies, look in your eyes,
Run around the same old town.
Doesn't mean that much to me
To mean that much to you.

I've been first and last
Look at how the time goes past.
But I'm all alone at last.
Rolling home to you.

Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.

Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.

I know Laura, I'm "pulling a john" right? I just post lyrics because it's easier than typing out how I am feeling, so I'll post the lyrics to a song that carries the tone of my current emotion. I like the system, you should get with it.
Power to the... Lyrics...?

P.S. Put a link to Laura there now, she's a cool gal. As far as I know, what with our extensive Site commenting relationship.

Monday, April 19, 2004

I'm an idiot, I just went all over my house looking for my hairbrush and I ended up just using my mom's; and I sit down just now and see it right there on top of my computer. Man I'm stupid.

I'm wicked hungry lately, I dunno why. I've been eating an uber-lot though. I think it's cause I finally started poopin again. I have a whole lot more room now, you know what I'm saying?

Oops, I've said too much.

I'm getting sick of updating this thing. Actually I got sick of it about a year ago but I kept doing it anyway. I think I'm gonna let the site have a break for a while. If it wasn't for the need for new comments I don't think I'd even post this post. Here's the deal, if you guys want me to keep updating, comment on this post. If I get enough comments (different comments, not just like the same thing from the same person over and over) I'll update some more. I doubt you'll do it. Essentially I just want comments.

As of now though, this'll be my last post for a while. take care fellas.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

I'ma big ooool' sleepy kitty. I'm so friggin out of shape, I am still feeling all screwed up from working yesterday. My right knee is puffed up like a haitian man on steroids.

I'm tired of everything ever. I just want to crawl under a blanket on my couch and sleep for all eternity.

I want to sleep with somebody. Not in a dirty way, I just remember lying down next to someone in an entirely unsexual fashion and going to sleep, and it was the best thing ever. Right up there with drying off with a warm towel, they both have that warm coziness to them.

Even aches and fatigue make me lonely dammit. I need a muslim harem. That will keep me occupied.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

I just worked for nine fweakin hours man. I'm so damn sore haha. Ugh, my back feels like an army of mongolian hemp pirates have been rampaging on it in cleats all day.

On the plus side, I'm ninety dollars richer.

*sigh* I'm too tired to update anymore. Everyone comment.

dude, I'm fweakin happy now man. I'm all... mo lovin' shazz over here. See in this case, "Mo lovin' shazz" is a good thing, it means excited and euphoric. Mo Lovin' Shazz.

Went to the mall tonight, it was grand. tim and taylor and Lauren and Becca and I were there. We did Nothing, pretty much. Lauren bought some lipstick and taylor got a wallet and some almost-shoes. That's really all I remember.

on a lighter note (somehow) I have to work tomorrow at quarter of 8 in the A.M.... I guess that means I shouldn't stay up late writing blog thingies. You rat bastards, so selfish, ruin my workday will you?

Friday, April 16, 2004

Dude, I'm fweakin out here. I feel a little mo'lovin shazzy right now. For those of you who don't know, that means nothing. But in this case it can be loosely interpreted as "bad". I dunno why I feel bad, I've been feeling kinda bad all day. stupid emotions, ruinin everything.

Uh... I'm going to the mall tonight. I dunno who else is going besides Lauren, Taylor said he'd call me, Lauren asked Tim to go but him and I haven't talked about it. I'm expecting a call in an hour or so asking me about the entire foolproof plan I must have made to get me and him to and fro the mall. Either that or he is here right now. Oh nope that's taylor.

Anyway, I gotta run, see you.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

OK it's official, despite my horrible driving skills, I positively ADORE driving. Seriously, it cheers me up to no end. Also, I was driving Dan to his old lady's house (her name is either Zimbabwe or Klatu Verata Nictu.... I don't really remember) and he told me about his friends minivan, which is bein sold again for 500 bucks, and also has a cd player, and had a new engine installed or something a while ago and is in good working order, his friend got it for free from his dad and is getting a new car, he just wants to get rid of the van. I think I'm gonna buy it, I could work like, all this saturday, and sacrifice like three days of my vacation, and I'd have enough to get it just about, and then my whole old plan would work again! WOO!

I tell you, I love driving so much. I was so nervous at first (it's been months since my last go, and this makes FOUR times driving) but after a little while I was real comfortable with it. And I was feeling really really down before I went out, but my mom made me (I yelled at her too, I feel like a joik) and now I feel great! If I get this car and I get my license as soon as I think I am (I may have to devote a lot of my vacation to it, but that doesn't really matter, usually I'd be hangin out with Lauren a lot of the time but I dunno if that'll be the case this time for reasons that you all already know.) then I'll be in top condition, Drivin' everywhere and all kindsa jazz. Whoooooooooo doggy. Havin' a fun time in hea'.

Anyway, that's all I got fo' now, sho nuff it is. Take some tiiiiiiiime out yo' life and gimme a comment, willya? Thankee kindly missah, I know dat you got nuffin else goin fo ya, on account of all those.... *intelligible ebonics*

See you.

Bah, now I feel like crap again. Why does it take so little to do that to me?

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Hey fellas, I had an awesome day! WOO! Haha, I ended up falling asleep at about 3:30 or 4 last night, I slept till about 630, then I woke up and showered and all, and ended up making it to school kind of on time (not really, but close). I was in a good mood all day, I dunno why it just felt like all was right with the world. Then I went to Laurens house after school, which was great! We played Virtua Fighted 4, she rented it and such, but Teddy didn't have two PS2 controllers and he neglected to tell her at the video rental place, so she got all mad and huffy and it was funny for me to watch because it didn't matter to me.

It's all kind of a blur now. My internal clock got all screwed up by my sleeping pattern last night, so I felt like it was time for bed at like 4 this afternoon, and right now feels like 1 AM. I think I'm going to take a bath in apple sauce and drown my woes in a sack with a kitten. Yes, that should hit the spot.

My room is a trash-hole right now, seriously, it's as messy as deuce. I've got ANOTHER new drafting table coming tomorrow, this one is like state of the art, with all kinds of scales and machines and it's motorized angle and height adjusty-dealies and everything. Woo doggy I can't wait to set it up.
I think I like setting things up more than I like using them. I spend hours at a time setting everything in my rom and entertainment center up and everything and I set up my drafting table and all my drawing equipment and easle and paints and paper and canvases and stuff. And then I just sit on my couch the majority of the time and draw in my notebook.

*blank stare* My mind is entirely empty. I feel kinda like I spent an entire day with magnets running up and down the sides of my head, and it erased most of the stuff that was in there. Like my head is a computer or something, you know what I mean. Maybe my head is a computer. *ponders*

Anyway, see y'all later.

So I had a headache at seven o'clock, right? And I figured, I'll take nap for an hour or so to make my headache go away, and then I'll wake up and go online and talk to people, right? So I set my alarm for Nine o'clock, and I go to sleep.

Well, it's two AM now, and I just woke up. Damn my family and there anti-nap shananigans. When I found out who turned off my alarm I'm gonna razzem frazzem and ruckem fruckem and whateve else it is Yosemite Sam was always threatening to do, And BY GUM I'll do it Better!

My head hoits like the dickens, it didn't really get better with my sleep at all. In fact I think it's worse now. what's worse than that is I don't think I'ma get back to sleep anytime soon, which means I'm gonna be a mess all day today. I'm going to Laurens too, I hope I'm not all high with sleep dementia the whole time.
Yeah I'm going to Laurens! I'm wicked excited, apparently she wants to rent some kind of two player fighting video game and "Kick my butt." Now, I'm not trying to be chauvanistic, but girls are worse at everything that ever existed then men are besides cooking and childbirth, and I tell you if a Guy set his mind to it he could beat the record in both. We just figured, let them have their day. cause it's a looong way, it's a looong walk, but she'll find true looooove. And tenderness on the Block.

I was just joking about guys being better than girls *shamefaced* Guys are just more HONORABLE about it. Seriously I remember talking to Lauren and she was saying how she would get all happy when she beats a guy in soccer or something and would try to di it way more than if she was playing a girl. What the hell is that? Guys don't try to kick girls' soccer booties (we like soccer booty!), in fact we avoid it. Because girls are small, fragile, and if they lose they'll cry and then we'll feel bad. "Be sure to reassure her with a firm, openhanded slap on the rump."
Girls suck, all they do is ruin everything. Ever.

I want a baby, NOW. Seriously, there was this little baby at church named Amber, and I've known this baby for quite some time and it used to be scared of me but now it likes me and me and her and dave and tim played with this big inflatable ball for a long time and she was all cute and little and would run around on her little legs and try to get it before we could, and we of course would let her because, well let's be honest, I could kick that baby's ass if I wanted to.
And I've been thinking a whole lot about teresa when I was younger and stuff, and Garrett is a little kid I know and stuff, and they are just so much better than older people. I think I'm going to keep on having kids, and then "accidentally" throwing them down a garbage shute when they hit like 7. That's when they get annoying, right?

This blog entry is over, I'ma go try and get my sleep on some mo'. Sho nuff wish I coulda talked to Lauren tonight, but APPARENTLY Lena shouldn't wake me up. I'm worser for it you know, I'm gonna have a terrible feelin day.

Weeeeeeelp, see you later, salutations and all that.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Howdy y'all. How you all doing? I'm doing alright. Actually I'm not doing very good at all, my head hurts really bad. I'm gonna go turn off the light, be right back....

Ok I'm back. That's much better. I had some stuff that I was holding inside my brain pockets earlier, but now I don't feel that way anymore because I worked it all out of my system while listening to a series of different Mooded albums. Fun times. So now I am pretty happy, or at least content, whereas before I was feeling like pure mo lovin' shazz.

I failed three things this term. Which means I am in "danger of failing for the year" in pretty much every class. I don't care, I can pull through, I always have so far. My problem is, I really don't care whether I fail in school. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't make me feel dumb because I know I could ace it if I tried (not to be pompous, but when you get three Fs in one class and then an A on the midyear exam, I mean... You do the math). It doesn't make me fear being unsuccessful or whatever, because I don't want success. The only thing it does is make me feel like a bastard because I am disappointing my parents. I guess that's kinda dumb, but it's true. I think the only reason I'm still in school is cause I don't want to disappoint my parents.

I can write real personal things on here, I've found. I don't know if that's good or bad. I mean there is lines I'm never gonna cross with the 'personal stuff' and you can thank jesus for those lines; but still, broadcasting of a world wide network my feelings about my future... I dunno, it's seems odd that someone as nervous as me could do that.

I was telling Tim and Taylor the other day about a song I wrote called, "Tu Taco Es Muy Taco"... It's just a collection of all the spanish words I know. If I can find where I wrote it down, I'll post it on the site soon haha.

I've been perpetually tired lately. I dunno what's going on. Maybe I have gonarrhea. I don't know what the symptoms of gonarrhea are besides painful peeing. I don't have that... I think. I dunno, it was just a guess; maybe it's not gonarrhea, maybe it's cirrhosis. Again, just a guess.

well I guess I'm done with this blog update for now, I gotta go to a driver's ed class in an hour because that's the only way my mom will drive me to go to Lauren's house tomorrow. Yeah I'm going to Lauren's house tomorrow. Hooray! Hope I don't turn into a jackass on the way!

Haha, I'ma leave you with these lyrics that I posted in an earlier update, but they seem to capture how I am feeling right now, for me anyway.

"Tennessee Jed"
Words by Robert Hunter; music by Jerry Garcia.

Cold iron shackles and a ball and chain
Listen to the whistle of the evening train
You know you bound to wind up dead
if you don't head back to Tennessee, Jed

Rich man step on my poor head
When you get up you better butter my bread
Well you know it's like I said
You better head back to Tennessee, Jed

Tennessee, Tennessee
There ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me
Back to Tennessee

Drink all day and rock all night
Law come to get you if you don't walk right
Got a letter this morning and all it read:
You better head back to Tennessee, Jed

I dropped four flights and cracked my spine
Honey come quick with the iodine
Catch a few winks down under the bed
Then head back to Tennessee, Jed

Tennessee, Tennessee
There ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me
Back to Tennessee

I ran into Charley Phogg
He blacked my eye and he kicked my dog
My dog he turned to me and he said
Let's head back to Tennessee, Jed

I woke up a feeling mean
Went down to play the slot machine
The wheels turned round and the letters read
Better head back to Tennessee, Jed

Tennessee, Tennessee
Ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me
Back to Tennessee

I don't know quite why they capture my feelings right now, but they do. When I have an emotion I have to search around for a little while for a song that carries that emotion's Tone. Does that happen to other people? I spent about a week and a half listening to "Harvest" over and over and over again, three weeks ago. Fun times.

Haha, welp, see you.

Monday, April 12, 2004

I want to update but I can't think of anything to write. Uh.... taylor and tim came over today. We got a pizza. Then some aliens came down and probed taylor till he died; as far as I know.

uh, everyone leave a long elaborate comment on here. Do it!

Hey y'all. I'm late for school. Wooo! I slept for over an hour with my alarm going off. I think the only reason I woke up is because my mom turned the light on. What I had wanted to do was get up, grab my clothes, walk to the bathroom, turn on the shower, disrobe, and then be cleansed in the steamy moistness that is the shower, quivering with excitement, with water dripping down my body and creating tiny rivulets on my warm and tender skin.
But LENA got the shower first. So I'm sitting here in my pajamas (yes I have pajamas, I know it's kinda gay) updating my BLOG. and I keep on drowsing off here in my seat. that's probably because my 'seat' is really me half-lying down on my couch covered in a blanket.

I'm wicked lonely fellas. I think I'm going to let out all my sorrows in the cozy comforting arms of Hugh Grant. Man I love Hugh Grant. But seriously, I'm liks starving for affection, I've been sleeping with a stuffed animal. I usually do that anyway though, I'm not gonna lie to you.

alright, I'm too tired right now, I'm gonna go, talk to you guys later.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

I got a car! CAR! I guess it's jumping the gun a little, since I don't have my license yet, but who cares! Car car car car car car car. It's an old beat-up rusty oldsmobile. It doesn't have Tires or a battery right now, but tomorrow we are going to fix that and get it registered. then I really have to find a job because I now owe my cousin thom 500 bucks. It's cool, I can pay him back in installments or whatever so it's no big deal, but I don't like to be in debt ('ceptin of course, to my mum).

And now Dune is on. This is the best easter EVER!!

Wow, Janet Jackson's butt got HUGE once she gave up anorexia. I like how she was totally unknown until the whole boob thing on the halftime show, and now all of her dance routines have to be half-porno. It's a bunch of chicks in tiny french stripper/catholic schoolgirl bondage outfits touching themselves while Janet Jackson does a pole dance and smokes a Giant cigar (get it?). I swear to god, janet just spread her legs and one of the dance chicks put her hand on her whatsamajiggnazza. Disgusting. Anyone but janet jackson... even rosie o'donnel.

Blogger is being kinda gay, itkeeps on not publishing things for me. I dunno.

Easter is tomorrow, so I'm gonna try to go to sleep. I promised Lauren I would try to sleep anyway, so I guess I gotta keep it.

Kenan is on SNL now. I want to have a pajama party with a certain special someone. I have a headache. Such is my life. I'm going to bed. See you.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

awwwwwwww yeah.

"Tennessee Jed"
Words by Robert Hunter; music by Jerry Garcia.

Cold iron shackles and a ball and chain
Listen to the whistle of the evening train
You know you bound to wind up dead
if you don't head back to Tennessee, Jed

Rich man step on my poor head
When you get up you better butter my bread
Well you know it's like I said
You better head back to Tennessee, Jed

Tennessee, Tennessee
There ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me
Back to Tennessee

Drink all day and rock all night
Law come to get you if you don't walk right
Got a letter this morning and all it read:
You better head back to Tennessee, Jed

I dropped four flights and cracked my spine
Honey come quick with the iodine
Catch a few winks down under the bed
Then head back to Tennessee, Jed

Tennessee, Tennessee
There ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me
Back to Tennessee

I ran into Charley Phogg
He blacked my eye and he kicked my dog
My dog he turned to me and he said
Let's head back to Tennessee, Jed

I woke up a feeling mean
Went down to play the slot machine
The wheels turned round and the letters read
Better head back to Tennessee, Jed

Tennessee, Tennessee
Ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me
Back to Tennessee

I update way too much man, seriously I update like two or three times a day. I used to put it off for weeks. Tim's doing a gig with John The Conqueror today, that's my uncle's blues band. I can't wait it's gonna be bodazzlin', Lauren can't come because her parents won't let her out on the night before easter, Fascists. heh heh, that can be taken in two ways, get it? God I'm a lower.

Hey did you know that women have been struggling for years to find the perfect bra? well now there is the Natural Bra; it goes with Any style and adds a full cup size!.... Man, that's kinda stupid. It stays on with a "unique adhesive". I think somebody was saying something about that before, but I don't remember when, who, or if it actually happened. All's I know is, the prospect seems very hot and uncomfortable, like all hot things.

I have no idea what is going on right now. I got a new shirt a while back, I'm wearing it for easter, I'ma post some pictures up on this shazz after easter because I damn well LOVE that shirt.

I'ma go tapdance on the head of a pin, so stop your blatherin'.

Friday, April 09, 2004

I feel kind of like I want to stab myself right now. I'm not saying I'm want to kill myself, not in the slightest, I just want to stab myself through the heart. If it weren't for the restrictions imposed on me by my physical well-being (or dare I mention, life) I would stab myself, right now in fact. The way I see it, everyone should be able to experience a blade piercing their heart at one point or another, I just don't want to die; I just want to feel that cold yet fiery steel pierced through my heart, is that so wrong? It's not suicidal, it's.... curiousity.

I've tried to explain that to countless people and they never get it. I don't know why it's hard to get, then again, I am a wierd fellow. I got wierd desires and wierd ideas rolling around in my skull, show me a tin can and I'll show you a child, show me a cereal box and I'll tell you the meaning of life. That's how it is for me, I find ideas and personifications, manifestations and incarnations of my own imagination's creations in everything; and every one, every single idea I pick up from my view of the world is different from yours, which is different from theirs, which is different from His, which is different from everyone else's on the polluted rock we call home. Think about it, that is our lot in life. To walk amongst our fellow man and our kindred spirits, without ever really knowing or experiencing any of the world as they see it. When you think about it for more than a moment you realize that we are fully, truly, completely and in every aspect of the word... Alone.

Hey fellas, wanna see a picture of my dad from 1979? it's bodazzlin. By the way, yes he is clothed, he's just wearing shorts that you can't see because of the angle of the pic. Don't mind the blue streak.

That's all, seeya!

I am so fweakin com'fable right now. Seriously, I am in a sublime mood. All happy and shazz, warmed up and all. I tell you, I'm havin a good time.

I'm feeling sleep deprived dementia, it reminds me of a story, a story about a little friend of mine I like to call Sleeptime Jones. I tell you, Sleepytime Jones was quite a fellow, I remember one time he was fishing in the ocean for a giant white ivory whale off the side of his skiff, the whale hooked his line and pulled him into the water without nary a warning.

What a MARVELOUS notion.

jesus my mind is melting, I'm gonna go to bed haha. Sorry for this update, I thought I mad a little more concentration left in me than I do. By the hand, take me by the hand pretty momma come on dance with your daddy, ALL night long, I'd like to hear that funkie dixieland, pretty momma come and take me by the hand.

Sit down I think I love you
if you leeeeeeeave I know I'll cry
can't you see that I'm a desperate man
I get high *smash* just bein around you
you oughtta know what they say about a bird in the hand
and that's why *smash* I aint leavin without yooooou
so if you want someone to love you
pretty baby I'm your guy
It's not much I'm asking of you
just to please give me a try
Sit down I think I love (do do) you
sit down I think I love ( do do) you

Gotta love buffalo springfield. Play 'dem blues baby.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

I'm leeeeeeeeeeeavin, on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be baaack again.

Howdy Y'all. This is my official blog update for the day. I've been finding myself putting them up about three a day lately, just because I have a computer in my room and nothing else to do while I sit here pathetically hoping I'll talk to Lauren online even though she is at work. I'm not very good at being single.

I'm feeling very chipper right now, I have hit this high in my cartooning and writing abilities lately, I think I do actually have Lauren to thank for that, I'm kind of unfettered lately; which may not be entirely a good thing, a lot of the things I draw and write aren't exactly kosher. Who knows.

I'm leeeeeeeeeeeavin, on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be baaack again.

I had thought that vacation was next week. Taylor rudely informed me that I was wrong on that account, that rat bastard. So now I have a whole 'nother week of school before I get to be free again. *sigh* Speaking of school, I'm actually passing it right now. As far as I know. I mean, the only class I don't know for sure that I am passing (for my current yearly average, not term haha) is history. I don't know if I'll pass history this year, but with any luck I should be able to take summer school. It'll be another hundred bucks though, I still haven't paid my parents back for last year's.

I feel kind of like I am going to vomit. I don't know if you are cool with that, if not I guess I won't vomit. It's all about YOU isn't it?!

I've been very comfortable with myself lately, in that I no longer really care that I am ugly, haha. It's kind of strange because lately my skin has broken out and I'm entirely out of shape and I don't have my normal shampoo so my hair is all scraggly and I keep on forgetting to shave so I have like this dirtlip thing going on half the time that isn't even cool stubble it's just like... well... dirt. The way I see it, I don't care if people think I'm attractive or not, in fact, if they did, I'd probably avoid them more. I'm more comfortable thinking that everyone hates my looks (don't comment about that please, I know all I'm going to get is jokes about how you all hate my looks. I'm talking to you Taylor.)

Hey remember that bus trip thing I wrote about a while back? I am uber excited about it now. I've been planning more and more of it, although I may still not be able to go. The condition was I had to pass junior year, and that remains to be seen. Still, here's the run down. I'll go across the country on the northern side, stopping in like new york and such, and spending a night or two at the house's of family friend's, you know? then I'll stop in California for like three days and hang out with my (fake) aunt sabrina, and then I'll travel south along the coast of california and go back east across the country in the deep south so I can check out that bodizzle too. I can gaurantee you the entire time I'll be singing "old black water" by the doobie brothers. I've been doing that for months anyway. The real cool idea I have is, if this trip turns out to be cool and not gay, I'm gonna turn it into a comic book. Or a graphic novella of some kind, not uber long but pretty long. I'll just journal everything that happens and if it's interesting or if much funny stuff happens then I'll toin it into a graphic novel or something and it will be AWESOME. Then again I'll probably just not do that, and plan to.

I'm leeeeeeeeeeeavin, on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be baaack again.

I'm rambling, like uber rambling. I don't give a deuce. I can't tell you guys what's really on my mind right now because it's too personal, plus it doesn't make any sense. I feel like my brain is both complaining about the universe and thanking God for my existence at the same time, it's a strange feeling.

Anyway, I'm gonna go now. G'bye fewahs.

P.S. I got that jetplane song stuck in my head, Thanks Tim.

I'm leeeeeeeeeeeavin, on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be baaack again.
I'm leeeeeeeeeeeavin, on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be baaack again.

Johnny Cash- When The Man Comes Around

And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder:
One of the four beasts saying: "Come and see."
And I saw.
And behold, a white horse.

There's a man goin' 'round takin' names.
An' he decides who to free and who to blame.
Everybody will be treated all the same.
There'll be a golden ladder reaching down.
When the man comes around.

The hairs on your arm will stand up.
At the terror in each sip and in each sup.
For you partake of that last offered cup,
Or disappear into the potter's ground.
When the man comes around.

Hear the trumpets, hear the pipers.
One hundred million angels singin'.
Multitudes are marching to the big kettle drum.
Voices callin', voices cryin'.
Some are born an' some are dyin'.
It's Alpha's and Omega's Kingdom come.

And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree.
The virgins are all trimming their wicks.
The whirlwind is in the thorn tree.
It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

Till Armageddon, no Shalam, no Shalom.
Then the father hen will call his chickens home.
The wise men will bow down before the throne.
And at his feet they'll cast their golden crown.
When the man comes around.

Whoever is unjust, let him be unjust still.
Whoever is righteous, let him be righteous still.
Whoever is filthy, let him be filthy still.
Listen to the words long written down,
When the man comes around.

Hear the trumpets, hear the pipers.
One hundred million angels singin'.
Multitudes are marchin' to the big kettle drum.
Voices callin', voices cryin'.
Some are born an' some are dyin'.
It's Alpha's and Omega's Kingdom come.

And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree.
The virgins are all trimming their wicks.
The whirlwind is in the thorn tree.
It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

In measured hundredweight and penny pound.
When the man comes around.

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts,
And I looked and behold: a pale horse.
And his name, that sat on him, was Death.
And Hell followed with him.

Dude, check this shazz Blues Baby

I'm not a racist, I just like blues.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

You make me feel like danciiiiiiiiiin'
I'm gonna dance the night awaaay

I just set up a TV with cable in lena's room, all hail my awesome wiring skills! We have a SINGLE cable outlet in my entire house, I have now set up a series of wires to all three bedrooms and the living room from this one outlet, as well as furnishing them with TVs and mine with a remote. All under ten bucks. Awww yeah.

give me a head with Shaft, some folks say he's one bad mutha-shutcho mouf cause it takes different strokes to rule the wooooooooorld.

I gotta go, there is a bruce willis movie on my CABLE tv.

I put a link to my friend Angie's site up now, huzah!

Americans are getting easier and easier to entertain. It is truly and astounding phenomenon, think about it, look at the advertisement on TV today; people buy those products, those are expensive commercials to make. Look at the humor in the successful shows now-a-days, look at the Simpsons for god's sake, the humour is terrible now, I think it is only kept alive by people who grew up watching it, and are therefore incredibly amused by the mere sound of Homer's voice. We are getting dumber my friends, dumber to the point that we are essentially cattle. I have pinpointed some instigators, I shall list them now!

Instigator the first! Television. That's right, good ol' TV, it makes taking in sensory delights easy, they call it the boob tube. But you were expecting me to say TV, so I'll just leave it at that.

Number two! The School System: Here goes for this one, everyone has been edjucated to a certain extent, and therefore everyone thinks they are a brilliant mind (myself included) we are suffering from delusions of grandeur, and everyone get's this idea like, "If I apply myself, I could rule the school." or whatever, and are therefore content with their (percieved) unused ablities. They never tap the potential they "have", they just waste away to obscurity.

I tire of this, so I'm just gonna get to the point I wanted to to start with.

PARENTS! Our parents have done the best they can to give their children the best that their hard earned money can buy, they have spoiled our brains worse than TV ever could. Some of us chilluns were lucky in that our imaginations thrived anyway, but the vast majority of us got used to a certain level of sensory stimulation, what with their video games and movies and easy to use toysand such that we don't have the energy in our bodies to expel in an effort to create free-thinking thought.

Anyway, I had this whole intelligent thing I was gonna say, but then I got distracted by this movie I am watching. Hence this stupid blog update. Forgivahness a-Please.


Monday, April 05, 2004

oh schnap Bee. I am bosquazzbabblin all across this hea trip to venezuela. I love you all, I love everything that is, was, or ever will be. My soul is stretching across galaxies, across time, and touching all. I love you.

See that self-centered asshole off in the distance? See how oblivious he is? See that he knows nothing of your soul, of the turmoil within the deep recesses of your mind; see that no one knows, no one will ever know, the thoughts you think and the feelings you feel, down in that dark, warm place that even YOU refuse to touch. There are parts of your own soul that you don't know, that no one on this earth who could ever know; you are lonely, we all are, because no one can touch that place, Not even ourselves.

That my friends, is where God is.

Now lemme ask you a question, does that make any sense to you? Because it's how I feel right now.

I hate myself, with a fiery passion. Sometimes I contemplate deleting this blog, because I hate reading what that stupid dick writes. Haha.

My sweet lord, I am feeling fan-freaking-tastic. I was terrible earlier, positively HORRIBLE. But right now I am feeling gorgeous; in fact I'm not even discouraged about my looks right now, incredible. I dunno if I'm more mature or have just subconciously accepted that I'm not gettin' no better, but lately I really haven't cared about how I look at all. I mean it's not like I would ever care a lot about looking good, I would just despise how I looked anyway, regardless of the fact that I put no real effort into my appearance. Long story short, nowadays I can just kinda hang out and not care about things like that, which has for a long time been an aspiration of mine. I credit this to the fact that I had had a girlfriend for so long, because... after like 6 months I had just gotten in the mindset that I wouldn't lose it and... despite the fact that I wanted to look good for her (which is hard to do, when you are me) I started to not really care what I looked like haha, because It's not like I had to get someone to like me, she already did; she wouldn't leave me if I just had a zit or something. The irony is that the release of that stress is what really contributed to my acne decrease. I still felt kind of stupid because she is so pretty though. God she's gorgeous. *sigh*

Anyway, I know it may not seem so but I am still in an awesome mood, I think I'm gonna go dance myself to sleep. Goodnight everyone!

Sunday, April 04, 2004

hey y'all. Just got back from the mall, found a copy of "american splendor" by harvey pekar/robert crumb (written by pekar, illustrated by crumb) but it was too much (too much being more than 6 bucks) So I didn't get it. Instead I squandered my hard earned six bucks on a tiny, unfulfilling meal of grilled cheese and french fries. At least I paid tim back the forty five bucks I owed him though, so I'm pretty content with money right now, despite the fact that I still have none.

I'm watching Saving Silverman right now, it's actually kind of funny.

On an entirely unrelated note, I think if I were going to kill myself, I would stab myself through the heart. I mean, it'd be pretty quick; not as quick as a gun I guess but it seems more elegant than a gun, I mean with a bullet it would just pop through and your dead, but with a knife you'd feel the steel inside your heart for a second. Maybe that doesn't sound like a good way to go for your but what do you know? haha. Seriously though, I don't want to die from some kind of illness, slowly fading away like that, and I don't want to die in a way that takes away my dignity, whatever imodicum of dignity I have, at any rate. So here's the deal, when I turn 85, I want one of you reading this to stab me through the heart, alright? It's a deal!

I'm sleepy, I'm gonna go, I just wanted to have some k ind of update on the site, haha, see you later.

Friday, April 02, 2004

my name is john. i wish i was better than i am now, maybe as good as..... oohh, lets say, Tim. man is he great. i cant get over it. its like the brilliance of God lightens up the room whenever you see his gorgeous face. remember this is john typing, not Tim. i promise. if it were any more john (me) than id die.

I am in GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT Spirits right now! Huzah!! I don't know what happened precisely but I tell you I feel like I could go for a jog or dance a jig or some other crazy display of idiocy that would go to illustrate the incredible excitement and pure JOY that I am feeling right now.

I think I'm secretly an alcoholic. I mean, I don't drink. But the other night I was sitting here and I thought, "Man, If I had some alcohol, I think I'd be drinking it right now." I'm the kind of guy who will try to find the answers to his problems in whatever it is he is doing, be it drinking, screwing, or popping massive amounts of ritalin directly into his veins. I can't even tell you how many times I've done that last one. Another thing I've decided is that if I ever DO become an alcholic, I'm gonna pull a Matt Scudder and conceal it by drinking bourbon in my morning coffee, that way I can get the maximum drinkage with the minimum find-out-a-tage. Matt Scudder was so badass, speaking of which, everone look up "Lawrence Block" he is the only mystery writer I have enjoyed reading, his mysteries are incredible.

I think I want to be a historian, or an anthropologist, or some other kind of social scientist like that, as long as I'm not one who has to try to "make a difference". See the way I see it, being a historian would give me massive amounts of things to write about, and I do love to write, and also Learning that stuff would be fun, not stupid repitition like Math or Science or Shrubbery Design. I took a Shrubbery Design course once, man that stuff is WAY harder than edward scissorhands would have you believe. DAMN YOU TIM BURTON! DAMN YOOOOOOOOOU!!!

I did my history homework today, also I did my math work, and stuff. AGH DAMMIT! I came home early today cause I had a massive headache, and I was supposed to retake a history quiz about world war one because I missed some classes. CRAAAAAAAAAP! Ah well, the teacher likes me, maybe she'll let me do it on monday. Or maybe she won't like me anymore because of this, and she'll hit me with the infamous yardstick of trepadition.

It feels like thursday to me, it uber-don't feel like friday. I was gonna work for PT today but apparently everyone quit early so I didn't get to, I need money so bad so that was kind of a bummer. Luckily I've been recruited to do wiring with tim, like I said before, so I've still got this sunday and maybe another sunday and fridays still, Maybe I'll be able to pay my mom back and get some of my OWN cash besides. I still have a job lined up with the chinese food place that's going in where the old dry cleaners was, if they ever actually do call me back. It sounded like they really would when they talked to me though, so I dunno.

I am in love with poverty. Seriously, I want to be poor when I grow up, just for my kid's youth. I mean we weren't necessarily like, no food in homeless shelter poor, like some people, I have a tremendous sympathy for those people, but my dad had to work alot before he became a nurse and he made much less than he does now. We used to use a woodstove for heat and stuff, I mean, we just weren't Well-Off, is all. Now that sounds stupid to like that, but think about it, when you aren't a rich kid, you have to make your own fun! Weeeeeee! I have a lot of fun memories to look back on, especially when Teresa was very little and Maria lived here with us. That was so much fun, I just remember little teresa running around with her big poof of hair bobbing along, with her wearing her onesie and giggling, and all of us taking turns trying to beat Donkey Kong Country in a day. Damn, I want a baby, NOW.
I know what you are all thinking, "Jeez, John is so irresponsible he doesn't remember to change his pants, he wants kids?!" well FIE ON YOU! I love kids, in fact, since I don't really babysit anyone and teresa lives so far away, I've been hanging out with this 18 year old autistic kid at my school, He is 18, he looks maybe twelve. I've found myself looking forward to hanging out with him too, the same way I do with teresa. I guess that might be a belittling thing to say about a mentally handicapped person, but it's true. He IS like a little kid. You know how little kids get like obsessed with things? Power Rangers and stuff? He loves Nascar. His favorite driver is Jeff Gordon, apparently my favorite driver (which was kind of forced on me) is Matt Kenseth. It's so strange though, he can barely talk intelligibly, but at the drop of a hat he can Name EVERY SINGLE Nascar driver to drive in the past ten years, what their numbers were, and what kinds of cars they drove (Including their sponsors!!) it's amazing, it's only topped by his ability to spell words in sign language, when it takes him ten minutes to write his name.

What was I talking about? How did I get to talking about David? Bah, it don't matter, I am still feelin' FINE. BOOOOYEAH!

You guys all suck, shlayda! (Shlayda= See You Later)

This episode of "The Cosby Show" is like the smartest show I've ever seen. It made me feel better on so many levels. Seriously, "Dabnas" or whatever was talking to Kenny about Rudy, and he was all, "Listen man, it's not about dating, holding hands, kissy face... It's about two people who mean something to each other." Clever, no? I wish I was Mr. Huxtable, he's so cool, him and his wife are the coolest together on the show, they are the only TV couple that has ever made me go "Aww." Cause they seem so comfortable with each other, somehow. I dunno, it makes me wish I was an overweight black man married to a strangely attractive black female lawyer. I mean... I don't think Mrs. Huxtable is attractive.... *runs off*

I'm bored yo, I'm goinsta wrap this up with these three simple words, "Tack My Doobabs"

Thursday, April 01, 2004

I just got a new pair of panties, EEEEE!!

Girls are stupid! I'm talkin to you cassie!

BOOTY! Buh buh buh buh BOOTY! Dass right, I love booty! The word, it rolls of my toungue like some kind of toungue wheel. Ooooh, how I do love BOOTY!

So how you guys doing? I'm just chillin here with my pal BOOTY! ahem... Tim. Uh... I got nuffin to say, I'm in an awesome mood right now, don't you love it? Love awesome moods do you? cause if so you are in LUCK!

I have no idea what I am talking about. Seriously, like if you were to ask me, "Hey JohnFatBaldStink, whatcha talkin bout?" (my name in this case is JohnFatBaldStink) I would say, "I dunno Earl. Wanna come to the prom with me?" to which you (Earl) would reply, "Nah, I am a homosexual", at which point I would interject, "Dagnarbit, I aint got nuffin on dem queers."

I guess I'm done updating now, see yall later.


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