Welcome, one and all, to the incongruent ravings of an inferior mind!
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Hey every boooooooody, how yall doin? I'm doin great!... ish. I dunno, my leg kinda hurts, plus it's cold in my house, it's onl 67 degrees! haha, which is cold to me. I'm gonna turn it up to 70...alright! I've been having a webcomic binge lately I read all of the sinfest comics, linked up their *points up* and I just read all of A Modest Destiny
which is actually The Starship Destiny now, but who's counting.
I don't think I ever linked Wigu, I think I should it's one of my favorite webcomics. I don't want to be a webcomic guy, I've decided. Like, I like that you can get comics out like that, but I don't think they look as good on screen as they do on paper, and I don't like the restriction of only being able to make like three or four frames per comic and such, I'd like to make a comic book still, and I'm still working on my first damn one but it's so haaaaard. Arg, whatevs.
Hey so there was a minor tragedy earlier this week, it turned out that the Snow Camp that Lauren is making me go to (I say making only because I want to take a happy little jab at Lauren) was gonna fall on the sunday when my dad was being ordained as a deacon at my church. This was quite a religious predicament haha... anyway, it turned out that earlier today the ordination got postponed for two weeks, so I can go now and Lauren doesn't have to bear the horrible pressures of snow camp alone! heh heh... Lauren's a girl.
ANYWAY. I got nothing really to say, except I started putting comics out fo' sho' every tuesday and thursday now. so I've got some new ones up. I know nobody reads them cause they suck and all, but just humour me and don't tell me. I'm out chums, seeya!
Monday, January 26, 2004
Hey hey all, this the Spig... Little Poppa Siss over here. How you all doin? Cause I am juuuuuust fine! Actually I'm not really, my stupid wound hurts and I can't seem to find my percoset. I made a new comic today, and inked it and lettered it, the only problem is I haven't finished the comic that's sposda come before it yet, so I'm kinda stuck until I do that. See they connect, it's a serial one. I've hit a new point in my drawing lately, I still wouldn't consider myself good
, but I do think I could get a decent strip in the paper or something, I mean there are strips in the paper that really suck artwise, you know? I just need to work on my writing skill. It's dialogue that's the problem, I have trouble making it sound like an actual person and not just Me. haha, you know what I'm sayin?
*sigh* I'm starting to feel down right now, I dunno exactly why, but it's pissin me off. I think I'll just close up this post and read some comics or something. Talk to you guys later.
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Hey hey guys, sorry about that last post. I was kinda down and I felt like writing something, you can ignore it. Lauren came over today, we just hung out watching various movies for about 11 hours. Fun times, eh? My incision hurts right now, I dunno why. I think it's cause we walked to the store earlier, You know what I'm sizzwappin bo? Anyway I just wanted to put up something because my site felt empty. Every couple of days the fact that I haven't written anything on her gnaws at my soul enough so that I have to write something
. Even if it is pointless bodizzle like this. You know?
Man, my knees hurt like bitches right now. Aaaaagh.
Dude, I drew a new comic last night, but my uniball is out of ink, and I lost my nib pen. So I'm kinda stuck in a rut here. I guess I'll stop at the frame store tomorrow after church and pick up some inking utilities. I only have three bucks to spare though, because I owe 7 bucks to some kids at school because I always spend my lunch money on things on Sunday and then borrow money, and when I don't do that, I have to pay back the money I owe to kids at school. And then borrow more. So I'm just always in trouble. Haha. I think I'm starting up woik again on monday. I want to ask Diane if I can do work at the counter, I'll wear a hairnet for christ's sake, I just need some goddamn money, you know? I'm so freaking poor. Anyway, I'm done here I bizzwazzle. I love you all, except that Blind bastard Ryan. *shakes fist* Goodnight.
Thursday, January 22, 2004
that upswelling of emotion, despite what those skeptics may claim. It does indeed exist; that overpowering overflow which overwhelms even the stoutest of hearts. There are some, like my Dead God, who have claimed to exist without that dread condition, the beautiful curse that is love. There are some, again like my Dead God, who have until they themselves were at Death's Door proclaimed that it did not have a hold on them. I have dabbled in these ideals, I myself have vowed never again to taste of that forbidden fruit
. But in truth, both the Dead God and myself alike cannot avoid it, the Dead God and myself alike have to recieve our penance; have to pay our dues.
Who is the Dead God? Or to be precise, who was
the Dead God? It's a rare lot who knows who the Dead God was, and of them I am the least most knowledgable, yet I am all that remains. It was he who brought the plagues down from the mountain, it was he who caught the thunder in the palm of his hand. I once sat to have lunch with the Dead God and I asked him, "Death, why do we feel pain?" and he answered me in such a way as to imply that I was an imbecile, yet somehow wiser for having made the query.
"Pain is a gift from Heaven."
He said, "Pain is that thin ribbon between our feeble minds and madness. It is a gift from above, a gift we were given so that our weak and tremulous grip on life would not be shattered; that our souls would not sink into the abyss unrestrained. You see, without Pain, we do not know we are alive, if we do not know we are alive, then we cannot be sentient, if we are not sentient we cannot commune with the Spirit, and without communion with the Spirit our souls would descend into Hell. Pain is our worldly Messiah, the pain we feel and so zealously loathe is actually all that maintains our sanity. We must treasure it, savor every taste of it; for it is divine.
No one knew quite where the Dead God came from, as far as all of us knew we had just awoken to his presence one find day and it was declared unanimous that he was a Prophet. A prophet from Heaven or Hell we did not know, we still don't, though I have begun to favor the latter. The Dead God brought with him disease, he brought with him cancer, pneumonia, emphysema. He brought with him locusts, dystentary, malaria. He brought with him Death to rain upon the heads of the unbelievers; but above all he brought with him exemption for those who followed him. He brought Life in a time of chaos for those who listened to his teachings.
"Praise Be to the Dead God!" They would cry, in droves, "All Praise his Mighty Name!" It was so sacriligious I could have shit blood, were I not caught up in his worship at the time.
The Dead God brought to the world a new order, the Dead God brought to the world a strain of corrupt justice mingled with pain and unusual tortures given to whomever broke the Iron Arm of the Law. The Law of the Dead God was, simply put, a barbaric rendition of the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, under pain of a slow death. Over a third of the Earth's population was roasted within a month, but we were all happy with the result, crime was at an alltime low; and tax situation was suprisingly likeable, despite all the executions that required funding.
I was the Dead God's accountant, if there was such a thing. To be more in-depth as towards my job description, I was hired to carry around a portfolio that said what the Dead God owned, and occasionally show it to him. One day after going through the books I asked him, "Death, what is love?" and he replied with a sneer and a scoff.
"Love? You think your mortal mind can possibly comprehend Love?
" He laughed, his laugh dripping with contempt, " How is it that humans can get so high and mighty of these aesthetic wonders they barely taste, yet when the slightest hint of Diety shows it's face, the fall down to the ground in awe? Do they not understand that in Diety lies the comprehension of such gifts as Love? Such curses as Hate? Do they understand the weight of this knowledge, and the horror one must go through to get it?
I pulled out a small dagger I had had concealed in my sleeve and I stabbed the Dead God once quickly in the heart. He bled, his blood was black. He stared at me for a moment before saying, "You worshipped... me.." and then he fell to the floor and shook as Death took him. Death had taken him, taken the one with the audacity to call himself by the Reapers name.
It was then that I realized what the Dead God had missed, that Love wasn't a hidden part of the universe, Love was the universe itself. We live in love, we thrive inside love, we are constantly floating in a beautiful ocean of love. The Dead God tried to touch our love with pain but he failed, he failed because we love life, and we had to fight back.
Only a God can truly comprehend the awesome machine of the Universe, but only Man can make this great and beautiful machine run.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Hey everyone, I have a new comic up on the sizzwappa, I mean... I know nobody cares but I figured I'd tell you haha. I'm trying to get on a two-weekly comic schedule, although I think nobody will STILL care; haha, but at least I'm getting satisfaction out of it. Eyyyyyyy. Welp I'm gonna go take a shower, I'll make a longer post tonight methinks, see you.
Someone please leave me a comment, I feel so disliked lately by everyone but Lauren and sometimes Taylor, and I never even ASKED for their affection! (Just kidding, I love those guys)
Monday, January 19, 2004
Oh my sweet god! They gave me Hi-Fi blogger again! YES!! Thank christ!!! oh, you have no idea how much lo-fi pisses me off. Goddamn thing was made for 6 year olds. Anywho, I've got nothing really to talk about right now but I'm positively bursting with typing....ness.
I wrote a lot and then erased it cause I thought it was gay. SO now I'm sitting here and I'm reading my December GI because I think my mom stole the January one, and I'm gonna read some PVP
in a second, but until then I guess I'll write some dots here
............(dot)........................(Ah, the life of a Dot.)...........(I'm out).........(Farewell, Dotty).......(Dotty means a finnish nanny).....(bye)
Friday, January 16, 2004
Hey everyone. I have a two new comics put up on Dance With the Devil. If you guys wanta see. I dunno, they aren't great, but they are there, which is the real point. I've been writing a LOT and I think I'll be banging out some good materialin a while, I've been putting it in my comic book so far. anyway.
I woke up at 12 this morning to find out from elena that my older sister maria woke up with acute appendicitis this morning. She is in the hospital and needs emergency surgery to take the appendix out before it bursts. Pray for her, if you pray. Pray for my family.
That's all I got, Talk to you all later.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Hey hey everyone, I'm going to take this survey here because I just want to prove that my URL isn't false advertizing.
1) Have you ever had a song written about you? Well taylor has written a few about me, but most of the time they are also about tim.
2) What song makes you cry? Look into the sun, by jethro tull. Man, I dunno what the song is really about, but it makes me feel like crying it does.
3) What song makes you happy? haha, oddly enough I get very happy when I hear "Wind-Up" (Jethro Tull, of course) haha, it's off the "My God" section of Aqualung, it's all sacriligious, but so damn awesome man, I love it. I'm gonna make Lauren sing it for me, in librarian garb, under the moonlight. I mean, it is almost our anniversary, right? Isn't that nuts man? You know, pretty much all of my life I currently remember has Lauren in it, which means (you got it!) I remember almost exactly ONE YEAR of my entire life right now. I guess you could add in all the small moments I remember from before that and get maybe a year and a half.
4) What do you like to listen to before bed? The soft murmer of my cat, vomiting on my carpet, under the moonlight.
HEIGHT: 5'11!! Heh heh, girls are short, especially all the ones I know.
HAIR COLOR: Dark Brown, maybe black.
SKIN COLOR: I'm kinda dark, but a pale darkness. If that makes sense, to me I look like a light-skinned latino, but most people just think I'm white. I dunno, whatever.
EYE COLOR: Brown, with green, GREEN DAMMIT!
PIERCINGS: None, I don't think I'm gonna get them, I don't think I'd look good that way, not that I do.
TATTOOS: I wanna get a tattoo though, I dunno of what. Maybe a can of beans.
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Plaid PJ ones, cause I'm gay, also because they feel a lot better on my wound than regular pants do.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: I'm listening to aqualung, the album, I don't remember the title of this track though, it's one of the lesser ones on it. Aqualung to me, is like a pantheon of gods. The highest on this pantheon is the albums namesake, aqualung, and the lesser gods (songs) control the facets and attributes to the universe that is, Aqualung.
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: Stale saliva, deeeeelicious.
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: It's actually the coldest night in thirty years right now.
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: ONly when I read in the car, BABY.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Psh, I'm just one insolvable tangle of bad habit wire.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Usually, when I'm not being an asshole. Well I guess you could say "Sometimes."
LIKE TO DRIVE?: I'm scared Doomless of it.
TV SHOW: Simpsons/Futurama. I guess.
CONDITIONER: I use a combo kinda deal.
MAGAZINE: GI man, sweet sweet GI
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Non-alcoholic? What is that?
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: I dunno, hang out with Lauren.. Pretend I care about what Lauren says so she doesn't hurt me... Hang out with taylor and tim and ryan and... ok just hang out with "Friends" and make fun of the stupid crap Lauren says, but not to her face so she doesn't hurt me.
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Jethro Tull, and Grateful Dead, Also neil young, and any incarnation of Neil young (C,S,N,Y, etc..)
BROKEN THE LAW: One time I put pants on a duck, apparently that's wrong.
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: One time when I was in second grade haha. Sissy Lauren.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: Nope, I can't really sneak, I'm too clutzy.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Uh... Nooooo.
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: I tried to one time with ben, but I got all nervous in the middle and hung up
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: one time. I mean, the porta-john didn't tip over, I was doing a handstand inside it, you know, dipping my face in the bowl... Don't read into it, this is my life I'll live it how I want.
USED YOUR PARENTS CREDIT CARD: Nope. Because I'm a sissy.
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: LAUREN SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE?! I am appalled!! You know, I am the irresponible slacker around here, but I've never skipped school. And Lauren is a goody two shoes, and she hasn't. Trippy.
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: All the time. When I get older man, I'm gonna get a jacuzzi and like a 10000 gallon water-heater, and I'm just going to spend most of my life immersed in almost boiling hot water. Cause that's the way I likes it.
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: One time. I was a cat, but we didn't have a good costume, so I wore footy brown pajamas with a coathanger tail, and I couldn't make a "Purrrr" noise, so I just did a raspberry. I only had one line, and it when, "I don't have any present for the King... Brppppppptttt..."
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: I dunno, Lauren cried near me twice, I think. But that's about it.
BOYFRIEND: Well.. Me and Taylor haven't said anything... OFFICIAL, but.. well I think we are both on the same page with this stuff.
GIRLFRIEND: not that I can remember... I may be dating this one chick who is here a lot, I can't recall her name though.
CHILDREN: Three, Decidius Erasmus, Pencil Sharpener, and Anabelle Maria. haha, yeeeeah.
CURRENT CRUSH: *sigh* I guess I have to admit it, I have a crush... George Clooney everyone. I just want to bite into him and make him my own, ooh hoo hoo. Yep, Also I have a thing for Lauren, kinda.
BEEN IN LOVE?: And how! It's truly amazing, this "love" the humans have shown me.
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: Hell yeah. What a fun time that was, eh?
BEEN HURT?: eh, I guess you could say that.
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: My biggest regret, Love-wise? I guess it would have to be not gaurding my heart, when I was younger. When you are coming of age and you realize what you could have if you reached for it, it's so hard to not screw yourself over. Chances are your first try is gonna be a miss, and it's also going to be the main thing that sets you on your path for all the relationships to come. My biggest regret is letting myself believe in my stupid childhood fantasies, and my biggest joy is that even though I could screw up my life that much, there is still someone around who I love, who in turn will love me for who I am, and more-over, love me even though I am how I am. Which I think, is a much greater thing. Sorry to get emo on you guys.
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: Not once have I done such a dreadful deed.
HOW MANY TIMES: Not ONCE. You bastard.
HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN/RECEIVED ORAL SEX: ahem, this question is rude and offensive and I refuse to answer it on those sole grounds.
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: I do, but I don't work much.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Damn Fine
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: My sexy lady, all of my chums, Reading, Drawing, occasionally Painting, Playing games, watching this tizzwazza.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: My sexy lady, and all my chums who have put up with me through all my stupid days.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: I think I'm gonna get... hm... I dunno, maybe a Buffalo Springfield album.
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: All of my friends are very close to me.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: Certain persons in certain areas, possibly thrown over certain chairs.
And that's all folks!! Comment, please, I'm so lonely.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Hey hey everyone. I have a midterm today... maybe. It depends on whether or not principles of technology has a midterm. It would be stupid of them too have one, but my teacher is kinda dumb. So I dunno how he thinks about it. I was up all night, so I only got like two hours of sleep this morning. Subsequentiallly I have a double shot espresso here and I'm thinking I'm gonna drink it. Sweet googly moogly. I've got Lauren on the brain right now, it's retarded because I saw her about two days ago but I keep feeling like there is some horrible injustice in the universe thats keeping her away right now. Well I guess there is a horrible injustice, she doesn't live here, and she has school. Actually she isn't at school right now she is at the dentist getting her tooth wired (or something) so that in about a month her mouth will be fixed and she can get her braces off! WEEE!!
Yeah I don't have much else to talk about, I guess I'm gonna go, talk to you guys later!
Friday, January 09, 2004
I just wrote a long angry post, and then erased it. Purposefully, that is.
I'm just so f*cked up man, I get so damn mad at nothing.
HOLY CRAP! Rob is apparently alive again, I haven't really spoken to him a whole lot in a while, and he's never online now and his old site was never updated. apparently his new site is this
. Yeah, we've all missed El Rob-bo.
Sooo I went to kelly's with tim today, hung out for a while, re-met some of her friends who I very rarely see (jackie and sarah, etc.. Except only jackie and sarah were there this time.) Right, and then erin dropped in and stuff, it was a good time, I got free wendy's, and tim bought me a Crosby, still, nash, and young album (entitled "so far") at the record store (which is awesome) and it only cost a dollar! WOOO!!
Lauren is coming over tomorrow, I'm very excited about it. I'm a loser in many respects, foremost of which is my crippling dependence on my girlfriend. On that note, something entirely different; I had like a religious experience the other night. Seriously, spiritual enlightment, awesome stuff. I'm hoping that it won't go stale like so many other religious things I've had in my short life. We'll see.
I think I'm going to write a cartoon script, and try to make a cartoon, like an animated one. Or.. I'll work on my comic book and if I ever get any recognition I'm going to make a cartoon, cause I've got an ear-load of ideas for a show where I wouldn't be bound by the limitations of "reality". You feel me? It would be shizzy. Yeah, so I'm gonna go now. EVERYONE LEAVE ME EXTENSIVE COMMENTS OR DIE!!
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Hey hey guys. I just got back from my follow-up appointment from the dizz-octors. It was pretty sweet, let me tell you. and on the way back me and my mum got some starbucks, so I'm sitting here with my giant mocha cappucino, drinkin it and such. It's a sweet gig, lemme tell you. haha. Dude, I love having this freaking record player. It's just so great, there is a novelty to listening to records that I just love so very much, it just makes it seem so much damn cooler. Also, I found some regular pants I can wear comfortably for a while, so that's cool. Up till now I've been wearing pajama pants, and it makes me feel like a girl. hm... I feel like writing but I don't know what about. Ok I got something; being on bedrest for an extended period of time causes you to strain to find things that might aleve your boredom. So I've begun to read a number of books, I had "Cancer Ward" By Alexander Solzhenitsyn before the surgery, I was about 400 pages into that, and it's about 700 long. But I just stopped reading it, I'm probably gonna have to start over. It's just such a heavy read, it's so serious and the topic is so depressing, you know? Then Tim lent me a Frank Zappa Biography that is as funny as hell, and I got maybe 75-100 pages into that and stopped, and then I was in the bathroom the other day waiting for the water to get warm (I have a weird shower routine) and I picked up this book called "Blood of Amber" By Roger Zelazny. Now, for those of you who don't know, Zelazny was an amazing fantasy and science fiction writer, possibly my favorite writer to do a combination of the two. So, I read the synopsis of the previous book in that particular series (entitled "Trumps of Doom", it has a cool cover, it's got a weird robot guy with a thing on his face. Man it's sweet) and I decided that I wanted to read that! So I read 50 pages of Trumps of Doom that night and the next night I finished it (it's like 200 pages) and then started reading hte next one and got like 40 pages into it. You know what it is, I think my drugs and stuff are making my mind un-focus-ey so I can't read very well. You feel me? Hey so last night me and tim were sitting at my house after Lauren left (by the way, Lauren is ostentatious. I think the next time I see her I'm going to smack her in the face. Either that or I just wanted to use "ostentatious". I don't remember what it means though) and we decided we wanted to go to Boigah King. So we did, but on the way we opted for a trip to blockbuster to see if "manhunt" was in yet. AND IT WAS! So we walked to his house, where he had to call kelly anyway, to get his card; and I hung out with his mum for a while. (I like talking to his mom, she humors me.) And then about half an hour later we went back to blockbuster and got manhunt, and then went to boigah king and got some food and then walked home, where I collapsed entirely exhausted on my couch for a while, and tim started playing Manhunt. Dude, it's every bit as macabre as we hoped. It is so damn gruesome, you've no idea. I think it should have been rated AO, but it somehow only got an M. Then Lauren called me and we talked for like half an hour (shutup Lauren) and then I went back into my room to eat my cold burger (I'm such a martyr) and then me and tim stayed up till like 3, with him playing manhunt and me watching and humping my stuffed dog that lauren sprayed with about seventy gallons of her apple crap. (I call it Crapple for short) and all in all, I'd call it a good day. Welp, I guess I'm done now. Talk to Y'all later.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Arlo Guthrie- Alice's Restaurant
This song is called Alice's Restaurant, and it's about Alice, and the
restaurant, but Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Alice's
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on
Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the
church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and
Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of
room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room,
seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't
have to take out their garbage for a long time.
We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be
a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. So
we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW
microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed
on toward the city dump.
Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a dump
closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off
into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.
We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the
side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the
cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile
is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we
decided to throw our's down.
That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving
dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the
next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie. He said, "Kid,
we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of
garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And
I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope
under that garbage."
After speaking to Obie for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone we
finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down
and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the
police officer's station. So we got in the red VW microbus with the
shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the
police officer's station.
Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at
the police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for
being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and
we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out
and told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity again,
which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station
there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was
both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Obie, I don't think I
can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, kid.
Get in the back of the patrol car."
And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the
quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of
Stockbridge, Massachusets, where this happened here, they got three stop
signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the
Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars,
being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to
get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of
cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station.
They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and
they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each
one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach,
the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to
mention the aerial photography.
After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was going to put
us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your
wallet and your belt." And I said, "Obie, I can understand you wanting my
wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you
want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I
said, "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?"
Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he took out the
toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took
out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the
toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie
was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice
(remember Alice? It's a song about Alice), Alice came by and with a few
nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back
to the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat,
and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.
We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten
colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back
of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up,
and Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he
sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the
twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,
'cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American
blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the
judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each
one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And
we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but thats not
what I came to tell you about.
Came to talk about the draft.
They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street,
where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one
day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so
I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to
look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted
to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York,
and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave
me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604."
And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I
wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and
he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me,
sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."
Didn't feel too good about it.
Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections,
detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four
hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty
ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no
part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there,
and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got
one question. Have you ever been arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre,
with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all
the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever
go to court?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten
colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on
the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want
you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!"
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after
committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father
rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And
they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the
bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest
father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly
'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me
and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay
$50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench
there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand,
and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing,
father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of
things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it
up and said.
officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for
forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had
fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there,
and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it
down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the
pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on
the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the
("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")
I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to
ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm
sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench
'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women,
kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and
said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints
off to Washington."
And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a
study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm
singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar
situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a
situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into
the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get
anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if
one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and
they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony,
they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them.
And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in
singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an
organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said
fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and
walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.
And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and
all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the
With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and
sing it when it does. Here it comes.
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud.
I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it
for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired.
So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part
harmony and feeling.
We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.
All right now.
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Da da da da da da da dum
At Alice's Restaurant
I love that song so much, it's high-larious. anywho, seeya
Hey hey hey hey hey. My mum is out getting meschoolwork to do, huzah!! Apparently my P.O.T. (principles of technology) teacher is refusing to send me home work on the grounds that I read in his class a lot, despite the fact that I've made two of the best projects in the entire history of his teaching career; but I guess that doesn't matter. Man, what a bastard. Anyway, My uncle (whom, as some of you know, is shizophrenic and has to be taken care of in a nursing home) is switching to a closer home now. Hmm... I'll list how things went down.. Uncle John is in his Home, he get's really depressed and causes some trouble, becomes suicidal. They send him to an actual hospital to get him back to "normal" before he can be in the Home again. While he is at the hospital the Home changes hands, someone buys it; and they refuse to let John back in. (he is my namesake by the way) So my uncle has been staying at this Short term state funded facility for about a month, and the maximum time is supposed to be about two weeks. And my dad had to arrange a different home for him to go in, because otherwise they would try and make John my dad's ward. Now John needs 'round the clock hospital attention, because of his health and also because of his mental condition, so he absolutely can't stay here. So about a week ago my dad tracked down another state-funded facility that will take him, and today he has to bring john there as well as set up his room for him with his clothes and stuff. But my uncle has a record player that he is lending us, so now I have a functional record player in my house. And depending on how long the drop-off process takes, I might not be able to pick up Lauren this afternoon, and that will royally suck, but I can't really complain. This is kind of a big break for my uncle, also it's closer to us than his old ones so my dad can visit him.
So my dad has been under a lot of stress about this lately. If you pray, I would ask you to pray for my family; I know it's not a huge deal but, there is always some sort of strife going on in this family. You'd think we were cursed. Meanwhile, while all of this is going on, Lena is in the middle of raging puberty and causing all kinds of ruckus. Most of the ruckus that is caused is focused on my mother, which isn't really cool. My mum's got enough stress. Ah well, at least Lena doesn't smash things like I did when I was 13 (or 14, whatever). Seriously, one time my mom said I couldn't have anymore Pepsi because it was like 6 o'clock, and I was pissed off about this because...well I wanted pepsi, So I yelled a little, and then I (haha) kind of flipped out and punched our microwave
, I put my fist right through the microwave door man. I still have scars on my knuckles from it. I went into school the next day and had to explain to everybody why my hand was bandaged. Man, puberty did too much to ravage my already messed up brain. At least Lena is just bitchy and not the incredible hulk like I was. haha. Yeah, so I was going through my parents record collection (Wooden Ships- Crosby, Still, and Nash is now one of my favorite songs of all time.) and while I'm doing this my parents slip back into hippy mode, so we were listening to ravi shankar for an extended period of time. Yeah but I found this jethro tull album "stormwatch" I dunno what it's supposed to be about, they have stuff that is reminiscent of like an oil spill or something in the words, but regardless, My dad has actually never heard it before haha, somehow. It's been in our collection for as long as I can remember, but he's never listened to it. How strange, anyway, all the songs are new to me. Pretty good though.
On that note, I am out fellas, I love you all. Except that girly weakling Tim. *shakes fist*
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Hey hey again guys, I was rude to big poppa lauren last post. I was just joshin, her and I had a conversation about that at one time that I had had in mind when I made that joke. But reading over it, it was kinda mean and all. She commented on it and stuff. So I'm saying to all of you, you really can't take what I say seriously. Like ever, honestly I'm never really serious when I say things. Mentally I'm always just thinking about some innuendo I can pull out of (hehe) whatever topic is being talked about.
BAH! I tire of this crap. Do you guys ever get sick of trying to talk? Like I tell you, I can never, EVER express what I am thinking correctly. Even on my most eloquent days, I'm still stuck in this rut where I can't tell people how I feel right, or I can't write my opinions or a story or anything in the exact way I want to. You know what? I think it's because I'm a closeted perfectionist, that's why. If I wasn't so goddamn lazy and I actually put effort into anything I do, then all the things I do would have to be JUST RIGHT for me. But instead I have this way of just giving up instead of perfecting things. That's me now, I'm a closeted perfectionist. Let me tell you guys, I'm getting really burnt out again lately. It doesn't really apply to anyone reading this except maybe that bombshell I am dating. (see, I told you I'd call you a bombshell from now on.) For those of you who don't know, bombshell means really hot. Anyway, yeah I'm just getting fed up with things, I'm once again finding myself sitting there on my couch (..I'm sitting there, on the Group W couch..) for hours on end, hungry as hell, and not moving at all. Not even because of my surgery crap, but just because I don't see the point
of going to make a sandwich. Hell, I'll just be hungry again tomorrow, right? So what's the point? I've said before that I wish I could be a musician because it would give me something to do in life. Right now, I strive to be an artist, because it will give me something to do in life. I have intelligence, at least enough to pass all my classes. I could write a book, that would give me something to do in life. But lately I've come to realize that it isn't that I don't have something to do in life; it's that invariably if I do have something to do, I waste it. I waste it away till it's just another basic latent talent on my shelf, that I never use. Drawing, drumming, writing, Shit even READING. I could play video games all the time like I used to, but I'm not playing them anywhere near as much as I did even though I have more and better ones now. I tell you, if I had the musical talent that Tim has, and the lyrical talent that Ryan has, and the aesthetic talents that Lauren has, and the pure brilliance that Taylor has all combined, I would f*cking sit there on my couch (...I'm sitting there, on the Group W couch...) and waste it away like I do everything else I've ever touched. You know what? I know what the point to doing things is, the problem is I just don't care.
You can get anything you want, at alice's restaurant.
Ok guys, I've heard enough. I'm making my font smaller, I hope you all are happy. Thus ends the era of the obnoxious font, and we all shall miss it in time.
anywho... guess what guys *sniff* My sister is becoming a liberal. And it makes me very sad; not necessarily because I dislike liberals or anything (although, just like they think of me, I think their opinions are bogus. But that's just fair, everybody gets to think someone's opinions are bogus.) but, my sister is just so stubborn, there will be no talking to her about anything political now. (well it's not like we have big political discussions now, but still.) Alright, take lanky and scrawny lena (it runs in the family) right? She looks weak, very weeak I know, but she has a Level 5, or Mrs. Engley, level of stubbornness!! How will we ever get anything done? Dogs will tapdance! Girls will be considerate!! *chuckles* Stocky people will run around in horizontal stripes that emphasize their broadness, and no one will notice!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Yeah, she is turning into one of the people who labor under the idea that Big Poppa Bush over there is out solely to destroy the environment and eat babies. *cough* LAUREN! *cough* Don't get me wrong, I'm not all, "Yay Bush!....Hehe." But it just seems to me that maybe, juuuust maybe
he is trying to run a government, and not exterminate mankind? Come on, he's just a socially inept Daddy's Boy, not an evil super-villain. How can you all call him the stupidest thing since new coke, and at the same time say he is running a horrible and devious scheme to poison our water and kill our babies? Doesn't make sense to me. Anyway, please don't leave comments about this, I don't feel like arguing with people. you see I'm just as stubborn as my sister, so it's not fun for anybody if I start arguing. Plus I know most of the population of Massachusets is 100% opposed to any form of conservativism, so saying things like that in little ol' Bridgewater is pointless and gay.
I hope you all are happy now, it's convenient to read now! But at what cost? You should be ashamed. Talk to ya'll later!
Monday, January 05, 2004
Hey everyone. How are you all doing? Leave me a comment with how you are doing when you read this; Now I know none of you are going to leave a comment, so I've taken the liberty of preparing incentive for it: those of you who do leave a comment will recieve a free lemon! You can get that one hundred percent pure lemon taste any time you want with this little darling. Those of you who don't will have a warrant put out for your arrest and immediate execution. Anyway, I was up till 3 in the AM last night, I couldn't find anything on tv so I just put it on VH1 because sometimes they have good shows, except they don't anymore because they were bought by MTV (just like nickelodeon)... Yeah, so I watched an "All Access" Marathon thing, they played the "Britney vs Christina" episode twice. They are hour long episodes haha. Ah well, yeah so while I was doing this I was working on kelly's comic (if you don't know the story behind this, leave a comment and I will post it on the next...post) and I've realized that although I may have a knack for drawing somewhat, I suck right now. Like as a cartoonist, not as like...the general public, I know I can doodle pretty well when I draw my characters and shizzy, it's just because I've not really drawn scenery, so I have to work on that. Anyway, regardless as to whether or not I can draw well I'm still working on this porrly drawn comic book; although it'll look like sh*t it should look better by the end of it when I've had practice drawing the kinds of things that are in it haha, and chances are I'll go back and redraw the beginning ones anyway. Yeah, the point was I am drawing it, and I've gotten past this little kink in writing for it that was pissing me off too, so we're good.
Yeah so I know you guys don't like hearing (or reading) me talk (or type) about comics and stuff, I just do it mainly to get my personal thoughts in order. Apparently my mom is going to drive me in for the midterm tests next week, even though I'm not going to class or anything, so that'll be fun. My incision keeps on being itchy, and I've no way to scratch it. ....I'm gonna put on "the velvet underground and nico" right now, hang on...
Actually I ended up putting on "the best of skeletons from the closet" by the grateful dead, just because it's been gone for like a year at lauren's house. Not that I don't mind that it was gone, I just want to listen to it now that it's back, you feel me? Also, you'll all be glad to know that Lauren is very good at taking care of cds....NOT! haha, zing. I'm just kidding doll, please don't hit me.
So I haven't showered yet this morning and I feel kind of gross, but I know I'm not gonna shower for another hour or so anyway because I have to wait for lauren to come online, I promised her I'd go on at noon and all. Yeah, also I'm lazy and it hurts to shower haha. I'm actually gonna take a percoset now in preparation of it. I'm running out of these, I only have like 11 left, and it's only been a week, I hope I won't need them as much by the time I run out, cause although I'm not in huge pain, sometimes it hurts enough to want them, you know? Anywho fellas, I'm out now, I love you all. I'm probably gonna post later on today out of boredom. Also I think I'll have a comic up this evening, but I may not. Yep...right, talk to you later.
Simpson, I have a confession to make. I'm not quite the tunnel digger I made myself out to be.
Friday, January 02, 2004
Dude, I don't know what to write in here at all. I've been sitting in this spot all day, I was talking to people earlier, but now they have all left me. And I've got an hour or so till I get to talk to Lauren on the phone.So maybeI should draw, I dunno. I have been working on writing the script to the comic book that I've been planning to do. But, you know, it's always hard for me to work.
I'm wicked tired man, I took some percoset and it makes me sleepy. Also, my wound somehow makes me tired, it's probably because it takes such work to move around.
Man the new Simpsons episodes really kinda suck, it's terrible. I can't stand it. Like, the beginnings used to be logically connected to the plot, even though it was still really different, and stuff. And..I hate to say it but it's just not very funny, it's like a crappy sitcom kind of humour. The old simpsons shows were so much better, it makes me sad. I'm so tired, I'm typing with my eyes closed, I hope it comes out right, I'm going to just publish it however it comes out no matter what, I just want to see if i cna type with my eyes shut while half asleep, I'm also typing at like fifty words a minute. so that's cool. Anyway, I'm gonna go now, talk to you guys later.
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