Welcome, one and all, to the incongruent ravings of an inferior mind!
Monday, September 29, 2003
Television- Marquee Moon
I remember how the darkness doubled
I recall lightning struck itself
I was listening, listening to the rain
I was hearing, hearing something else
Life in the hive puckered up my night
The kiss of death, the embrace of life
There I stand neath the Marquee Moon
I spoke to a man down at the tracks
And I asked him how he don't go mad
He said, look here junior, don't you be so happy
And for Heaven's sake, don't you be so sad
Life in the hive puckered up my night
The kiss of death, the embrace of life
There I stand neath the Marquee Moon
Well a cadillac, it pulled out of the graveyard
Pulled up to me, all they said get in, get in
Then the cadillac, it puttered back into the graveyard
Me, I got out again
Life in the hive puckered up my night
The kiss of death, the embrace of life
There I stand neath the Marquee Moon
I ain't waiting
Oh my dear lord, I love it, I love it, I love it. Speaking of which, one time I had a dream where Molly Shannon was telling me how she actually says "I love it I love it I love it" really fast, in real life. Yeah...But this album, it has caused me to thirst for classic punk like never before, I need it, so...drop me a comment with suggestions everyone. Cyall later
Hey, I'm copying lauren and such now haha.
09 THINGS YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO
01. Seeing lauren, of course
02. going to bed, I've been tired all day
03. Believe it or not, I want to do a good job writing my essays tonight, so I'm kinda lookin forward to that.
05. Actually I heard that I can work part time at the cookie shop now, so I'm looking forward to that
06. Putting together a good comic book.
07. Getting some more music
09. Seeing lauren in her prom dress all dressed up (I'm such a girl)
08 THINGS YOU WEAR EVERYDAY
01. My cat
03. Pretty much the same outfit over and over
04. A despondent frown
05. My revolver, slung low by my hips
07. My quarter (that's like four or five years of having that now!)
08. Nothing but sexy perfume and a smile.
07 THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU
01. Waking up, I hate it with a passion
02. When I feel dirty (which is a lot)
03. Drying off with a wet towel *shudders*
04. How nothing in the universe works exactly right. Here's my theory, it was SUPPOSED to, you know? but then the seed of sin was planted in the giant, perfect machine that was the World, and it gummed up the works, and now we have a TOTAL lack of convenience. That's what sin brought us, you selfish bastards!
05. Kids who have opinions because they think their opinions make them cool (I know I do it too, so I'm hypocritical, but at least I KNOW I'm hypocritical)
06. Lena, when we are arguing, or she is arguing with my mum
07. Thinking things, I hate my brain, it's so stupid!
06 THINGS YOU TOUCH DAILY
03. My cd player.
04. Video game control
05. um...I dunno, ryan?
06. My pencil!
05 THINGS YOU DO EVERYDAY
03. Yell obnoxiously.
04. Piss off a Polish guy.
05. Use the urination station. (hence the touching of the wang...most of it..)
04 PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH
01. Lauren (although not as much as other people, much to my chagrin)
04. Dave and Joe.
03 MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH AGAIN AND AGAIN
01. The Usual Suspects
02. National Lampoon (any)
03. Woody Allen (any)
02 FAVORITE SONGS OF THE MOMENT
01. LAUREN LIKES THE GRATEFUL DEAD!! Also, Mr. Charlie by the grateful dead
02. Marquee Moon! WOOO!
01 PERSON YOU COULD SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH
01. Hm... *flips through rolodex and picks random name* Lauren Ferris...Heh, just kidding. Of course Lauren, It may be niave to think so, but...well I don't really care if it's niave, it makes me happy at the moment to believe it, whether or not I'm fooling myself. Plus, she's real pretty, and by the time she wouldn't be pretty anymore, I wouldn't care! (haha, that was also kinda a joke, even though she's gorgeous, I'd love her blind)
Sunday, September 21, 2003
OK, this is the third time I have redone this post. Haha, I was really depressed at first, and then I was just mad, and now I am ridiculously happy and all I can think about is sitting with lauren on my couch while she was playing with the keyboard yesterday haha. So out of my horrible mood earlier I have only grown to desperately want to see lauren even though I saw her yesterday, I'm so helpless. Anyway, sorry to anyone who read this before and was offended. I'm at ryan's right now listening to "television-Marquee Moon" I love this album, I love a lot albums, but I very rarely get to hear any punk albums cause I don't...own any...Yeah, so that's why I did this hea'. anywho, cya later folks!!
Friday, September 19, 2003
Hey guys, it's before school right now haha, It's about 8:30 and I haven't gone yet, I overslept wickedly. But I think I am feeling well enough to make it, so I'll get there at like nine thirty and make it to third period maybe haha. oh well, yeah so I had a really weird dream last night, I'll try to explain it to you. First I was at my house, and I was really hungry so I figured I'd make some hot dogs, but when I made them, they were too cold, so I put them back in the microwave, then I pulled the out and ate one, but the other two I left on the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I was going to lauren's house later on, so I wanted to shower, but my mom was in the bathroom playing GTA 3 (?) the mirror was a tv. and there was a little room connected to the bathroom where people were sitting, I think elena, maria and keith. so I said, "Mum, get out, I gotta shower." and she said, "Wait a little while, I mean, remember how many times you watched that movie and I didn't?" and I said, "What movie, Catch me if you can, or Gangs of new york?" and she said, "Oh that movie's disgusting, the other one." and When I asked her which other one, she looked at me like I was a giant bug. then lena said, "Why can't you just wait fifteen minutes to eat your hot dog?!" (she said this really angrily) so I said, "FINE!" and I microwaved them again, but this time there were four, and also some potato skin, and the ones next to the potato skins were warm but the other two weren't, and the other two were on a chair next to the medicine cabinet. (this was an incredible puzzle in the dream, it probably sounds like nothing to you. but by the time I had finished, my mom said it was time to go whether I showered or not, so we went. Then I was at lauren's house, which wasn't lauren's house at all, it was a mixture of erin w.'s house and dave's family's cottage on the cape, and she was taking a bath in the middle of the living room. I wasn't embarassed by this or anything for some reason, it was like we were both really really young, like 3, and then I got in the tub too haha (please don't misconstrue this, it was like bathing with your friend when you were a little kid) and we washed each other and splashed each other and stuff, and both of us were totally unaware of the whole...naked thing. and then we finished bathing, and suddenly we were dry and putting our clothes on, and for some reason THEN it was embarassing so she grabbed her clothes and ran out of the room and I put mine on as fast as possible in the middle of the living room haha. And then she came back in and asked me if I was hungry, and I said no, and then we watched tv. and that was it. cyall later, oh yeah, and if you were confused about my last post, I was feeling a little down at the time that was just stream of conciousness.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
take you share of diamonds, and take your share of fools. I'll have none of it, I am not one of your kind. Ride your crippled donkey, the past is hidden from you. How much must my memories haunt me? I cannot escape, so tell me, you priest of suburban angst, what precise outlet is allowed for me? What can I do, if only to finally burn the smoldering tinder in my chest? I am your best friend, and because of this, I am close to your heart, within killing range. When the pain get's too large to bear, will I slip my knife between your ribs? or will I push it ever further from me, ever changing myself into melted steel, ever changing my ways into ones foriegn to me? TELL ME, you heartless bastard. Tell me which way on this infinitely broken road to go? Or do I just hop the next bus, and follow the ones I once ignored? When will I be answered, when can I finally sleep, when will the pressure inside my glassy head burst forth and sweep across this town of dead and tired vagrants? My shiny schrapnel slicing through every inch of living meat close to me, and leaving nothing but the slivers of the dead. Someday my arm will sharpen fully, and I'll become a scythe of angels, making dead men out of living ones, cutting a swath of macabre ribbons as I go. TELL ME, you forsaken derelict, you stone god I have created, is the altar I have made for you too small? Must you take everything I have for your cause and leave behind nothing but a broken, weeping shell? I am green speaking, and I am the wintery tin on which the stars sparkle. What am I to do but sit on my porcielan chair and foam out mouth at those who approach me, nothing. It is all sold, it is all done, the mighty powers I once forsook have exacted their toll on me. Now nothing is left but ash and mire, all I can do is clean up the mess of shame and degradation, so no one knows, the truth behind my sparkling silver window.
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Hey guys, taylor made me a site, www.dancingdevil.cjb.net It's pretty shnizzy, you know? yeah, but I've been working a lot more on comics lately, my dad even said I was doing good, which is way cool. so I figure, I'm gonna switch my rants over to there, cause I can put comics up too. This may be the last of my blog rants, but for the sake of nostalgia I'll probably keep this guy up too. or, maybe I'll just connect it all, someway, I dunno. I like the blogger system but I want comics too. ah well, I'll figure it out. cyall later everybody.
quote: "I got a wife in reno, baby, and one in cherokee, first one says she's got my child, but it don't look like me. Set out running, better take my time, a friend of the devil is a friend of mine, if I get home before daylight, I just might get some sleep, tonight."
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Hey everybody, I'm at taylor's house! WOO!! His computer makes me want to cream my pants. It's his birthday, everyone wish him a happy birthday in your mind right now! Yeah, so I got him "this was" by jethro tull. Cause he said he like aqualung and such. I went to lauren's house yesterday and we watched "melody time" (after looking around in the video renty-place for like eighty years) haha, it's a disney movie, with lots of old musicy skits from the disney cartoons back in the day. it was lots of fun, I love hanging out with her. Anywho, I gotta draw taylor's graphic today, and I'm...not gay anymore.. so I'll leave you with the quote of the day...
Quote: In Benny's travels one day, he came across an urn, and the urn contained a genie. The genie offered him any three wishes he wanted, but he couldn't shave for the rest of his life. So Benny agreed, and he got his three wishes, riches, women, and power. Then one day, a good twenty years later, he decided to shave, as was the custom of the day. As soon as he removed the last strand of hair from his face, BAM! he was encaged in an urn, forever to exist as a genie, a slave to whomever finds him. The moral of the story, "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."
haha, a little long maybe, but worth it. Cyall later!
Friday, September 12, 2003
So I just got back from niles' house, It was wicked fun. I was playing bongos and tim was playing guit fiddle, and niles was playing his keyboard in fun and interesting ways, and usually I'm all nervous about playing with people there, but I just decided not to care, somewhere in the middle, and then it turned fun. You see, it doesn't really matter if I screw up, or keep bad time, or something, because they already know I'm not a musician, and even if they didn't, I'm not fooling anyone, so I might as well have fun under the illusion that I'm helping. and I did! I tell you, nothing is more fun (barring many things) than playing with two musical geniuses like them, eh? Actually if I figure out more of the intricacies of percussion I really would like to play with people more often, like dave's thing and watnot. So, I gotta help Carol L. move tomorrow, I'm sposda get paid for it, although I doubt it will be a lot, afterwards though I was gonna go to lauren's house or something, which should prove incredibly fun. I never really get to see her enough, I mean, I know I see her at least once a week, and a lot of the time twice, but still, It takes so long to work it out, and there are so many little things we have to do because our parents don't trust us, or whatever. I mean, I can see where they are coming from, but we are 16. I know it's not like we are adults, we don't support ourselves and such, but there really has to be a difference in the system from when you are 14 to when you are 16! Like Lena has almost the exact same thing with H-Diddy, as I refer to him, as I do with lauren, the difference isn't that I am two years older, no no, it's that I've been with lauren for like 8 months, and my mom knew from the start. If the same was true with lena, she'd probably get more leniancy (<-can't remember how to spell that)...anyway, I'm out of frustration now. Hey so I was in school today...big surprise. Yeah...I want to work on comics. you know, I never really do all the ideas for comics I start. I know I could do alot, although it may not be the best comic books in the world, but I never finish it, you know? all the good stuff I have I either throw away for lack of duplicability, or don't show anybody ever, maybe I should just stop caring about that too. I dunno. I'm thinking now that taylor has a good scanner and stuff I may just start drawing and putting it up from his house. I got a really cool Idea for a painting or something at niles' today, by the way. It's like, a giant elaborate machine (really exagerated and detailed for the sake of...fun.) and in it is this really evil looking plant with tar dripping from it, and it's growing bigger and bigger, you know? and gumming up the works, screwing up the gears and watnot. I thought of it cause of this whole Idea I had about things, like "God made the universe as this big elaborate machine, all running in perfect time, but when sin entered the equation and grew and grew, it started putting stops in the machine, and causing errors." that sort of deal. Pretty cool eh? welp, I'm out fellas, seeya!
Quote: "push push, I love you! Push Push! NOOOOO!!"
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Hey guys, I went to lauren's today. Well actually, I was at lauren's for about ten seconds. I actually went to see her soccer practice, and then to see teddy's soccer GAME, and THEN teddy decided he needed his bag, so the ride home took a long time, and we only got to hang out for like half an hour comfortably. Then youth group, was the shiznit. It's actually pretty cool, you know? darren's a good guy, good youth leader, and you can tell he's got an idea of what's going on in your life a little even though you don't really talk about it. I was drawing like shiznit-crazy today man, mainly on my pants and stuff, I drew some cool stuff in BIO though, so I figure, I'm gonna be up late making this poster thing tonight, mayhap I'll do some comic-izin. wha-ever, Man, I was thinking earlier, I...I try too hard to make myself think...that everyone is..like what I try to avoid. yes, that will word it well. I mean, it gives me some fun sarcasm at times, but for the most part, the fact that I have this mindset where I can see these horrible personality traits I could slip into, makes me think that other people whom I don't like HAVE those traits. But no, it's not like that, not for the most part. So I was thinking, I don't hate everyone. I don't hate anything, I'm just very irritated very easily, but...I don't have anything against all the kids I don't like, if that makes sense, I mean, they are just hanging out with their friends like I do, they are just meeting up with their lady-loves, like I do, they just do it differently, but the basic human nature is there, right? So what if they like to play ghetto and their lady-loves are a shaken'bake rump roast (get it? big hiny), they can be cool at heart just the same. well, that's about all I have to say about that, I have to find a plot analysis of "one flew over the cuckoo's nest" and do a poster about it. but I think I'll put it off a smidge, maybe do it tomorrow, after actually READING the book. I want to find the "that hideous strength" series by c.s. lewis, man those books ruled, I just read, "the great divorce" by cs lewis, it was pretty shnizzity. anywho, cyall later
Quote:(once again) "John, I have two CHECKS on the table." mom said, to which I replied, "I have two Ugoslavs in the hallway!"
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
hey hey fellas. Dave and tim are over playing robotech. Man, I just talked to this girl jill, whom I haven't spoken to or seen in like a year, it was really nuts. It's surprising how much less nervous with people I've gotten over the last year haha. Anywho, she's been going out with this guy anthony for a year a seven months! isn't that nuts? it seems so long, and then I remember that me and lauren have 8 or 9 months now, so I guess we are getting pretty up there too. But anyway, I had a wierd dream last night (the zoloft was sposda give me vivid dreams) I was at the church, and in the back room on the window sill, there was a little kitten made of lava. And I picked it up, and it didn't burn me, and I held it in my hand. It's meowed at me and purred, and then turned to ash. And I woke up thinking about innocence and purity, and how the world's perversions will destroy them. Yeah, so today I came in my house with dave, and my mom wanted me to go to the bank, she said, "John, there are two checks on the table." and I said, "Well, I have to ugoslavs in the hallway!" and I thought it was hilarious, but dave was the only one who laughed. My dad corrected me saying that there are no more ugoslavs, and my mom just gave me that half smile she does when she likes my wit but not enough to laugh. ah well. Cyall later!
Quote: "John, when I die you have to pretend to be me for the rest of your life, it'll be wicked cool!" <-Lauren.
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Hey hey. I am happy! haha, I dunno I have no worries right now, I like it alot. On the other hand, I'm kinda sad about stuff, I have to go to a memorial service tomorrow for maria's baby. I dunno. But other than that, I'm not really UPSET about anything I can't change, I'm just a little down. bah, you probably can't tell the difference. They are opening a computer cafe down my street, so I'm gonna be in there like every day playing games on some high speed computers man, it's gonna be sweet! Seriously I can't friggin wait. I'm gonna go to the library and reserve a book on C programming. I'm interested again. I need a compiler though, So I dunno where I'm gonna get that, What I could do though is write the stuff on one of my old computers and then save it and bring it to someone's house to open up once I debug it and see how it runs, eh? yeah that's right. welp, I'm gonna go now, I'll talk to ya'll later.
Quote: "hey, where da creah fiyah?!"
Saturday, September 06, 2003
Hey hey everybody, I'm at ryan's house with..here goes, taylor, jeff, dave, tim conrad, and willis. Pretty fun, eh? got some clash in the background, jeff's playing vice city, it's all good. I'm pretty sleepy, even though I've gotten a good, 17 hours in the past 48, it's pretty nice. I hung out with lauren and taylor for most of the day, then after she left (at like 5:30!) we went to ryan's...and that brings us to our current state. I dunno I don't have much to talk about, so I'm done writing this thing now.
Quote for now: "Pray for taylor's computer to come soon you bastards!!"
Friday, September 05, 2003
hullo. I had a physical today. You heard it here first folks, john got felt up by a man. other than that though, the doctor, who is a nice guy when you get past his nut grabbing thing, was asking me questions about things that could mess up my health, and when anxiety and depression came up, I guess my answers intrigued him so he asked more specific questions, that led to lack of sleep, and paranoia, so...yeah, he prescribed me zoloft. he said the only effect that would really affect me was the loss of sex-drive, and given my age that that is probably a good thing hahaha. Also he said after being on it for a week or two, I'll begin to get more vivid dreams, and that will last for like a month. So after this, I started talking to my dad on the way back home, and apparently (more so than I thought) My entire lineage is full of crazy geniuses! like my great grandfather was an artist who suffered from what they now think was some form of schizophrenia, he would paint wacky portaits of people, and be very depressed and tightly strung. On my mums side they are mathletes, and watnot, and they are for the most part alchoholics. So here is the hand I've been dealt, I'm an emotionally deranged half artist half mathlete, who is very easily addicted to mind altering substances AND of course, has acne. Fun times eh? fun damn times. My point here is though, I think that this whole zoloft thing may clear up a lot of my anxiety, and thusly (among other things) cause my acne and wierd finger rash thing to go away. haha and I should get some more sleep, thereby making my headaches go away, also, I'm supposed to go to the gym and work out my leg muscles, and stretch alot, which should neutralize my leg pain. man I tell you, if all goes as planned we should have a well adjusted, unpained, and most of all, Impotent, john that we all can love and adore, but because of the side-effects, I can't love you back...I have no sex-drive. hahaha, oh god, fun times.
quote for the day:"The adult in me likes the reasonable prices." But the kid in me is suicidal over what a fat bastard I'll become!
G'bye everyone, I'm gonna go have no interest in women, hahaha.
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Hey guys, sorry to be beating a dead horse, I'm just kinda depressed about maria losing the baby. I found out yesterday after they took it out that the loss wasn't due to the placenta deficiency, or the surgery she'd had a coupla years ago, or anything. The babies umbilical cord was wrapped around it's neck. It was f*ckin strangled to death. god. How can people have abortions? huh? Do you honestly think that it's perfectly fine to kill a living thing because it's a burden on you? It has no choice, it's a dependent life form until it's at least born. You think about abortion, think about getting bored with having a baby, six months after it's born, and shoving a fuckin scalpel into it's head. Think of the pain people go through when they lose a child for real. Choice? you want a choice!? Here's your choice, you can choose not to go off and nail some guy if you don't want a freaking kid. Sex is to make kids, you asshole. No offense to anybody, I'm just venting. I'm gonna go eat something now.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
God Bless The Child
We lost a loved one
Before we got the chance
To know it
To teach it
To tell it
About the world
About it's lineage
It never saw
And it never will
God Bless The Child.
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Hey everybody. Uh, in case you guys didn't know, My sister maria who was pregnant, she lost the baby. She had a miscarriage. Pray for her, it must be a terrible thing to go through, this is the second time. You know what the worst of it is? I can only mourn for the hopes of what the child could do, I didn't even get to see it. bye
Monday, September 01, 2003
hello everyone. It's monday morning, happy labor day! I spent all last night writing things that I want to eventually turn into comics, and I have this long idea I'm gonna use for kelly's comic (finally). so that'll be cool. I had this idea of just doing these unformatted comics I do alot out with a lithograph crayon, right? and then mailing them into magazines. The way I see it, and publishing is a foot in the door, you know? OK, so I am sick of my generation. how about that? yeah, pretty much all of them suck. Everyone has these notions that they are an intellactually elite rembrandt. Almost every kid who says he is an artist can't do it, almost every kid who says the are a writer sucks at it, and almost every kid who say that they can get through school with a's, "not even trying" is full of sh*t. Let me tell you something that everyone already knows half of, everyone is stupid. EVERYONE. NOt everyone but you, everybody. I am, you reading this is, that guy looking at the porno rack at walgreens is. We are all stupid, we are all infintismal, we all go through this little megalomania and try to make like we aren't. the point is, we are all stupid, and the people who are remembered, the davinci's, the gallileos, those are idiots who worked to do something ANYWAY. Those are guy's who realized that a quest for knowledge never ends, and that you will always, ALWAYS be stupid, not matter how hard you try, because you'll never come close to knowing it all. People have to realize that, before they decide to be a revolutionary voice of the people, or something queer like that. So take it from me, the biggest idiot wandering on this retarded green ball, if you think you are smart, you think you are hot and you know it all and you have no where to go but kissmyassville, you're probably dumber than everybody. And if you think you are dumb because you can't get the work in school and your iq is like 70, you're probably right, but I tell you what, you can get a lot further thinking you still don't know anything that you can deciding you know all there is to know. And if you are under the impression that I am on my high horse right now and I'm thinking something the effect of "and I know I'm not great, so I must be smarter" then you are probably right, but on the plus side, at least you are putting enough thought into this to figure that out, instead of going into your dark room and writing shitty poetry that you will broadcast across the internet at lightyears a minute. I'm out.
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