The Obscure

Welcome, one and all, to the incongruent ravings of an inferior mind!

Monday, March 31, 2003

welp, I'm updating right now because some laurens out there, I won't name any names, wanted me to, and gave me no choice in the matter. so EVEN THOUGH I have nothing to say I'm updating anyway, blame her! anywho, I moved stuff for my sister yesterday, that is to say, me and ben and tim and dave moved stuff for my sister yesterday. and I got her old couch, and we all brought it up the stairs and moved it into my room. so major props to those guys, I am undeserving of such wonderful friends. so now I have this awesome couch in my room instead of a bed, but I kept my mattress, just cleverly concealed it. lena is sleeping on the couch right now, because she came home wicked tired and it's more comfortable then her bed haha. I don't mind, but she is gonna have to get out eventually. and now I have a coffee table and stuff too, so I have pretty much everything I could possibly want besides cable, and I'm gonna try and hook up cable in the next coupla days, so we are all set in that endeavor too. I was happy about all that, but on a sad note, I don't get to see lauren this weekend, I should see her on wednesday, (or else) but that's just not enough! then she is planning on going to the trinity youth group with me and dave and such on the following monday. I just remembered that april vacation is this month (durrr), and right before april vacation, PROM! haha, man that's gonna be's seriously the day before, wow, that's madness. ah well, toodle-oo everyone!

Saturday, March 29, 2003

This is a song by one of my favorite bands of all time, Jethro tull. I have the album it's on, I purchased it with a gift card kelly gave me for christmas! :^D that crazy kelly, always giving she is. anywho, it's an awesome song, and I hope you read well and wisely. toodle-oo!

Look Into The Sun

Took a sad song of one sweet evening
I smiled and quickly turned away.
It's not easy singing sad songs
but still the easiest way I have to say.
So when you look into the sun
and see the things we haven't done --
oh was it better then to run
than to spend the summer crying.
Now summer cannot come anyway.

I had waited for time to change her.
The only change that came was over me.
She pretended not to want love --
I hope she was only fooling me.
So when you look into the sun
look for the pleasures nearly won.
Or was it better then to run
than to spend the summer singing.
And summer could have come in a day.

So if you hear my sad song singing
remember who and what you nearly had.
It's not easy singing sad songs
when you can sing the song to make me glad.
So when you look into the sun
and see the words you could have sung:
It's not too late, only begun,
we can still make summer.
Yes, summer always comes anyway.

So when you look into the sun
and see the words you could have sung:
It's not too late, only begun.
Look into the sun.

hey hey everybody, I'm gonna write a song, right now!!

Have you ever just sat and thought
About the ways of man
And how the way we are
has strayed from the set plan
Maybe if you did
You would understand
we are all dicks
the end.

yeah I got bored of writing the song, so I ended it abruptly, as you may have noticed. if you look real closely, you can see right where I gave up, but it takes some real analyzing. anywho, I got to see lauren yesterday, hurrah!! it was loads of fun. she's comin over today too, so it oughta be an awesome time! and! I have discovered I severely love Nirvana. they are just so good, and I have decided if I were a girl, then the famous guy I would be obsessed with (I have found that most girls have one of those) would be kurt cobain, or dave grohl, he's pretty foxy too. *stares off dreamily* uh, I gotta go! haha, toodle-oo everyone!

Thursday, March 27, 2003

big wheel keep on turnin
proud mary keep on burnin
rollin, rollin, rollin on a river

that's right, I doubt I got even that small portion right. but it's a good song, if only the vocals weren't so indistinguishable. welp, I was writing cause lauren wasn't on but now she is, so ciao!

'Allo, 'allo. How are you all today? I get to see lauren tomorrow! *dances* gah I can't wait. it's gonna be awesome! it's this concerty dealy, and the only band I know that's gonna be there I think is reliant k, and I've seen them like 3 times, and it's always been a load of fun. so...hurrah! but I'm mainly excited that I get to see lauren, because I am smitten and lovesick all the time. anywho. I got nothing to do right now, I'm gonna head out in a bit, maybe start sketches for this loooooong comic I started writing in biology today. the stuff in my notebook is really terrible, but if I can hone it better, shake out the chaff, you might say, I think it'd be pretty funny. Mayhap I'll make some copies or put it on the net. ah well, toodle-oo everyone!

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Hey, I just realized I never changed dave's URL to his new site in my links. well, I now have, enjoy! Also, I hear tell dave is coming to my school definately next year. YES! *throws a party* although I feel sad for those losing him, I don't like to think of it as taking him away, so much as him chosing me over them because I am so much friggin better. haha, just kidding you guys *affectionate shoulder jab* welp, I'm out now, toodle-oo!

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

There comes a time, in every man's life, if you're lucky it may come more than once, when something happens that changes your whole outlook. For me, that day is today. I have now seen, the most, AWESOME movie, EVER! Seriously, this is the best movie I have ever seen ever and it will never again be equaled. The Usual Suspects. If you haven't seen it, get it. NOW! I command you. Seriously folks, whomever made that movie was the most ingenius person in the entire world. I have the dvd now, so I'm gonna have tim over or something so we can watch it again. because it is the BEST. anywho, I'm home from school sick today, I have a mind-numbing headache, and I've had coffee and tylenol and it's not going away. so I figure, I'll watch a movie and try to keep my mind off of it. I still have Rashamon, I might watch that too, it's also severely awesome, but I have already seen it. it's this samaurai movie from 1951, but it friggin rules. they also have snes games for sale at blockbuster, so I may have tim pick one up for me and come over so we can play those and watch the usual suspects and curl eachothers hair....ahem. because he is homeschooled and all. Also, dave might be coming to my school next year! shh, don't say anything. but it's gonna be great if he does, because none of my best friends go to my school and it's really upsetting. The prom is in 22 days! 22!! I have no idea what I'm supposed to do for it, lauren keeps on saying she doesn't want anything in particular and I keep on finding that hard to believe, and the situation is really confusing, and angela has my suit pants, so I need to get those back for my suit. and I don't know where my tie is. and I lost my shirt haha, so I don't know precisely how well this whole thing is going to work out, but it will be awesome anyway, even if I go with an elks club hat and a long flowing robe. haha, welp, I'm supposed to be doing an essay right now, so I'm going to...then maybe put up some comics, I have about...7 on the computer that I might try and upload today and link to from this website on to geocities, maybe make an archive that links from here to there or something. and have a nice picket fence going right up the middle. and if you are real lucky, I'll put together a whole site for them, and then make a rant section where I basically do what I do on here, but on there. and have comics bi-weekly or something. I need some better equipment to make better ones, but I have maybe 30 now that I could make even though they'd be a little grainy with the stuff I do have. but I find them funny, so you'll read them and like it! anywho, toodle-oo everyone, I love you all!!

Monday, March 24, 2003

Hey look, I'm copying kelly again!!

1. Who did you last get angry with? um............I don't know, probably elena
2. What is your weapon of choice? My shovel
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? nah, not actually hit.
4. How about of the same sex? of course
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Idk, I'm oblivious to most things
6. What is your pet peeve? Hypocrisy
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I normally forget after a day or so

1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? hm....yeah I suppose flossing would be mine as well. that or breathing.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? I once fell asleep at ten am and woke up at nine am the next morning.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: hm...nah, can't think of any. I haven't hung out with jason in a while, I guess that counts.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? "My mom told me to be home at (whatever rounded time is closest) so I gotta go" when I don't want to talk to someone or something.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? Yeah, back in the day when I could watch tv in the living room when I couldn't sleep.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? um, saturday. at karate
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? I've never partaken in the snooze button. because I can't stand my alarm, and to hear it again, would be terrible!

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Dr. pepper!
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? I'm going to assume that you screwed up there, so I erased the vegetarians part. and I prefer dark
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? eh, I've never counted
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? haha, yes, aaaaall the time
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? yeah, I'm very unhealthy I need to eat alot more and better so I don't die soon.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? spicy all the way. Oh! Muy Picante!
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? every day!

1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? well, uh, *counts* I guess maybe, like, 2 or 3. yeah, changing in the public pool locker room is no fun.
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? haha, I don't know, It's not like a broadcast it over the internet...heh..heh.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? I'm not going to answer that, for reasons I cannot state
4. Have you "done it"? no haha, although it's not like I've had the choice.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? we can have favorites?!
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? well, no.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? I get tested for pregnancy like, bi-weekly

1. How many credit cards do you own? not a one, and I never will
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? store? you can have a store?
3. If you had one million dollars, what would you do with it? Buy a pretty big house, alot of computer stuff, and video games, and live on it for the rest of my life, with my family.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? rich, all the way
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? yeah, I'd use the bucks to create my own excitement!
6. Have you ever stolen anything? nothing of any value, maybe a sign of something
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? like, 20

1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? I got nothing.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? I don't thik they are proud of me haha
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? get a comic going, maybe start a publishing company
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? I don't believe I ever have.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? I almost never enter contests. man I'm a loser!
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? not once
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? nothing at all

1. What item (or person) of your friends' would you most want to have for your own? um, I guess dave's computer.
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? haha, I don't know, probably dave or tim or joe, because anything they did'd be fine with me
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? sandra bullock
4. Have you ever been cheated on? probably. but if so, it wouldn't have counted for anything.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? haha, yeah there is pretty much nothing I like about me. but that's gladdening, because if I did like things about me, then I would think myself conceited, and then get upset about that.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? um, it's never really come up haha
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? why the hell would I?

Sunday, March 23, 2003

Hey hey everybody, I'm just hanging out waiting for the shower to be free before church. thought I'd do a quick updateski. No one is online right now, so I have been left little recourse. Lauren's mom decided that lauren has to stay home on sunday afternoons now. which sucks, alot. she also decided that we can only talk on the phone for an hour a day, AND we had to pick EITHER friday OR saturday to do something on, but only one, one day a week. Luckily, lauren, with her mighty awesome skill, broke free of some of that rule and can do stuff both on friday and saturday, but her mom still tries to hinder saturday happenings, which is what happened yesterday. That was ok though, even though I spent the night lonely and discontent, because dave and taylor were over and we were having a rockin fun time. I was gonna go to dave's overnight, but I was quite tired from the sleepless week, and I never get to shower before church when I do that. In any case, so because of those rules, there is nothing to do with lauren today, she can't go to Youth Group on monday because her mom made a "one trinity Youth group a month" rule. and she has a play thing to go to on wednesday so I can't see her till friday!! this will be the longest week, EVER! ah well, methinks the plan for today is we are gonna leae church to dave's house and play some games. how this differentiates from the usual plan, I do not know. welp, I'm gonna go get some coffee, see you all later, chums.

Saturday, March 22, 2003

[my name is]: John, but there are some who call me Captain Mchaggis-dancy-man. (that's actually the whole name they call me, even this paranthesied phrase is part of the name, it takes a while when doing attendance.)
[in the morning i am]: Undead.
[all i need is]: Love, ba-dadadada
[love is]: the most powerful force in the universe
[if i could see one person right now]: lauren, of course
[i'm afraid of]: I'm wrong, that all I believe in and hope for is wrong, incorrect, that sort of thing.
[i dream about]: crazy things! one time, I dreamed that I was in a helicopter and it dropped me on this giant mushroom and all the leaves around it set on fire.
[pictured your crush naked?]: No need, I have everything I could possibly want just holding her in my arms.
[actually seen ur crush naked]: haha, nope
[been in love]: and how!
[cried when someone died]: nope, but I don't remember that ever happening.
[drank alcohol]: yeah, but I've never made a habit of it.
[lied]: No. Not once, ever.
Which One?
[coke or pepsi]: Pepsi. *sigh*
[flowers or candy]: candy of course, how could you eat a flower? well, there are those edible flowers. but those aren't delicious.
[scruff or clean shaven]: "Quit shaving your legs marge, I wanna see 'em all gross and furry!"
[tall or short]: is what I prefer or what I am? I am average, and I don't really care haha. but if you want to get into what I prefer, 5'5" exactly!!
[what do u notice first?]: eh? I guess probably any opinion stating shirts or buttons.
[last person u slow danced with: I don't believe I've ever partaken in "slow"dancing.
[ best question to ask]: what in the hell are you talking about?
[makes u laugh the most: idk, all of my friends
[makes you smile]: everyone.
[gives u a funny feeling when u see them]: an actually humorous feeling? or a lovey-silly feeling
[has a crush on u?]: Lauren. Or at least that's what I've been told. and by all means I hope it's so, because I'm helpless for her.
[easier to talk to: boys or girls?]: eh, no matter betwixt.
Do You Ever...
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you?]: No, I have a friggin timer
[save aol/aim conversations]: nah, unless something reeeeeaally awesome is said.
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: sure, I don't care what anyone says, girls have it easier. they only have more natural pains because they have it sooooo much better otherwise.
[cried because of someone saying something to you]: when I was little and my dad would yell at me in spanish. it wasn't because of what he said, he's just so imposing when he's pissed.
Have You Ever...
[fallen for ur best friend]: Yep! well one of my best friends, I'm not like, smooching dave or tim. well not often.
[been rejected]: I've never really had the chance.
[rejected someone]: Not that I know of.
[used someone]: Not purposefully.
[been cheated on]: hm, I don't know. if so, it didn't really count, and it was a long time ago.
[done something u regret]: I've done almost nothing I don't regret
Who Was The Last Person...
[u talked to on the phone]: um, dave
[hugged]: sam rogers!
[u instant messaged]: lauren, man, I'm such a girl
[u laughed with]: dave and taylor
Do You...
[color ur hair]: Not once, but I would like to make it abundantly clear to certain people, who have, that their hair looks beautiful now, as it will in the future, and always has in the past. that's right, dave
[ever get off the damn computer]: haha, I didn't mean to upset you, survey
[habla espanol]: You know, everybody has been answering these in spanish, but I don't wanna, so I'm just gonna answer en ingleis, via con dios, mi amigos.
Have You//Do You//Are You?
[smoke]: have, never again
[obsessive]: about certain things
[could u live without the computer?]: I could live, but, why?
[how many peeps are on ur buddylist?]: 119, but they're mostly people I hardly know, and people with a few SNs
[what's your favorite food?]: Burritos of course
[whats ur favorite fruit?]: Pomegranate.
[drink alcohol?]: have, probably will again, but never a habit
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: I like both, but I rarely see either
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: Emotional in an every day sense, but I'm sure if someone were torturing me in ways imaginable, I would rather take emotional.
[trust others way too easily?]: I don't really mistrust people I actually know.
Final Questions
[i want]: To see lauren right now before I stab my eyes out from lovesick loneliness.
[i wish]: I had some instantaneous transport machine
[i love]: Lauren, more than air!
[i miss]: Lauren, and I saw her yesterday, and I'm talking to her right now haha, but I'm so effeminate that I don't care. I cast aside the normal braces of modern society! I miss her, like a child lost in the supermarket misses their parent!!
[i fear]: you already asked that at the beginning, I'm adding to my old answer though, I'm scared of water.
[i hear]: my ancient computer ticking
[i wonder]: if pogs are still popular in canada
[how do u know its love?]: I don't have time to decide if it is or not, I'm too busy obsessively thinking about my love.

Thursday, March 20, 2003

listen to my tale of woe, I entreat ye..

I sat and tasted of delight
tasted burned flesh, that cold cold night
I know my heart will never change
my appetite won't rearrange
now too hot, then too cold
I will try till we both grow old
or I yield to a worser fate
this was the worst and best cheese burger
I ever ate.

That's right, this damned thing won't heat up right, I must have microwaved it six times!! welp, seeya later.

Hey hey all, I'm just hanging out in the computer room right now. Pretty bored...gonna go home and play Final Fantasy, because I found out something new about it yesterday. or I might go home and set up my snes, which I recently got a new power cord for. so I can play all the games I had when I was a kid. Well, the ones I didn't sell. Yeah, so I got nothing new to talk about, unless...Oh yeah, the war! In case you were born and raised in a cave lightyears away with your eyes closed and your fingers in your ears, you know about the war and out recent attack on Iraq. Welp, we were talkin about it in english class today, and I have put together my opinion of it and will post it now. Now, I know we all hope for a peaceful, nonvoilent solution to this whole schmeel. Lord knows I do, as a whole I disapprove of war. BUT! there is a whole different matter at work here, you see, our opponents, rivals, antagonists, or what have you, DO NOT crave peace. they want to kill us, because the hate us. so, although we may want to avoid conflict, it's impossible. it's like trying to peacefully walk away from a mugger with a gun. you can't escape, he'll just shoot you. Our only option, to avoid a worser larger future conlict, is to put an end to it now as painlessly and quickly as possible. we've gone for decades now trying to end it, and we have accomplished nothing up til last night. I say its about friggin time. Hopefully we'll just have a big crater where iraq used to be. My one and only complaint with this war, is as follows, and I quote, "The draft." if they reinstate the draft and this war lasts two years, I can get drafted. I mean, I respect greatly the honorable thing people are doing by going into service, but I, personally, don't want to. I'm a lover, not a fighter. of course I WILL if I do get called, but I'm certainly not going to choose to go, and I won't like it if I do. too bad I'm not a girl so I could just get pregnant, and fall in love with a man without being discrimated against *tears up* haha, welp I'm out, I g2g home in a bit hopefully, mayhap play some "Prince of Persia" or "Secret of Evermore" which are two of my favorit-er SNES games. Toodle-oo everyone! I love you all!

Monday, March 17, 2003

'allo. I'm just chilin like a villin with some amoxicillin cause I'm illin. I don't rightly know..what is up with anything right now. these are turbulent years. none of the things I used to think were big deals are anything now. boy does it suck. hey I got something to talk about! I was talking to my dad, about the economy. I'll explain how we got on that topic first, and then move on. we were watching Jeeves and Wooster (great show) and he was saying stuff about how england is vaguely marxist. in their medical care stuff mainly. like, the government owns it all, and gives everyone the exact same amount of medical care. now this sounds ok, doesn't it? but it doesn't actually work. because if someone has cancer or something, they'll get the same amount of care as someone with the flu. If someone has the money to pay for more care, and are terminally ill or something, they won't be able to get more care, the government won't let them. there is one way that socialism doesn't work. Now, elaborating on that, we discussed companies expanding internationally. this subject started with the idea that the american government pays smalltime farmers to not grow wheat. Why? You ask? well it actually makes alot of sense, you see, it's an artificial way of keeping the economy stable. if farmers grow alot of wheat an have a good year, well there is alot of stuff to go around, but the prices drop and we have inflation, so people stop growing it, because the prices are low and you can get it anywhere. so the next year the supply is much smaller, and the prices launch up, and we have what is called a depression. so the government pays the farmers to only grow a certain quota of wheat, so they get enough money, but the market doesn't fluctuate. there are some who make a big deal out of this. because now, since there is less money in smalltime farming, it is pretty much nonexistent. most of our products come from big companies that are now becoming international. people don't like this. (I don't understand the problem) but they think that companies unifying countries will give too much money to too little people. they seem to think that there is only so much money to go around. little do they realize, a giant international food company would be precisely what the doctor ordered. think about it, a huge company, lots of jobs, so many many people would be able to afford home and food. and! many places that are low on food and resources now would be brought up to speed and mechanized. which is a mixed blessing. the only thing that is really needed is, it couldn't be cutthroat capitilism, being as it's a company that exists outside of a set government. the UN would have to put restrictions on it BECAUSE if they didn't, it would end up with like, ten year old kids in mineshafts and stuff. so there is that. what we need to do, is stop protesting and other shit, and let the economy run it's course, because what we'd end up with, is a small government, that regulates corporations, a huge reserve army. and a giant company that has a monopoly on pretty much all resources. and everyone would have what they needed. not that I really LIKE that idea. but it would end up with what is best for everyone in total. welp, cya later everyone

h'allo everyone. how is it going?........answer me!.......fine be a dick I don't even care. I am very happy, and at the same time very sad. I am personally happy, with everything going on in my life. nothing is bad at all! my sister has a new house, I'm...happy. I'm kinda sad, first of, got the most selfish reason, because I am smitten and lonely. I haven't seen lauren in like two days. even though I did hang around her for like 16 hours at the lockin haha. it's still too long. I wish she lived closer to me, so I could just hike to her house every now and again. That's my selfish reason, but at the same time that somehow makes me happy, so it doesn't really count. My other reasons for being sad are as follows, one, Rob is sad. I can't stand it, rob is such a good fellow, for him to be depressed goes against all things soulful. um, man I had it all thought out. ben's got diabetes, that blows. all of my friends have a situation that brings them heartache right now. How can I be happy with that? and the part that sickens me is I AM happy, I'm happier than ever right now because of lauren and stuff. and they are all sad and stuff and I can't do anything to help. ah well, I guess it can't be helped, but I will try anyhow. toodle-oo everyone!

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

hey hey all, in case you didn't know, rob gave me a stern talking to about my current depression on his site and then tim added to it, I thought the whole scenario kinda funny actually. I'm feeling really elated right now haha, maybe I'm manic depressive or something. anywho, if you read on his site, he says about how I have an amazing gorgeous funny nice girlfriend (I love her so much) and that people like me and such and that I have no real reason to be depressed. welp, here's how I see it, first of all, I have gone through a lot of strife in my life, not to sound to melodramatic, but it's true, I have had my problems, both of my parents had cancer, my mom's got extreme migraines and athritis, my sister has athritis, I might have athritis, I haven't suffered much personal damage myself, but It's hard with this much illness in my family, and that causes me some frustration at times. secondly, I myself think FAR too much, I never stop. which in alot of cases isn't bad, but in some, like when I look back on all the wrongs committed by mankind, the perversion of life i have to suffer through, the unintentional oppression weighing us down at every waking moment, I do get depressed. I have no excuse really, but hey, it's chinatown. or maybe I think I'm fat....who knows. mainly though, my one, big depression factor, is as follows and I quote, I'm reeeeeaaaaally lazy. I believe that somes it up, I look at the life of working and scrambling I will have to do, and I cringe, my heart sinks, because I can't escape it, unless I die, but I don't want to die, that's no fun, so I'll just have to live with it, instead of just living without worry, like mankind was supposed to. you see, we weren't supposed to have to, work to live, to plant food, and hunt, and everything like that, because we have philosophy, merely being in our righteous state, we would have no freaking time to work on stuff, we'd be too busy communing with the spirit. these are the things that depress me, philosophy, heartache, paranoia, and, last but most certainly not least, school. yes, it does affect me. but these are the things that make me happy, My chums and family (I love you all), lauren (I love you intensely), art (you are inanimate, but I love you still), music (ditto), food (i'm going to eat a huge can of frosting when I finish this) and last but most certainly not least, sleep, that's right, I get it when I can, because it's so comforting, like, being in an egg, and not yet having to face the troubles outside. welp, I have to go, cya all later, I love you more than air

Monday, March 10, 2003

why is my mind so screwed up? why can't I just freaking live?! why do I have to complain? why do I have to think, and think. I can never just accept inevitabilaties, even good things that make me happy, just make me sadder when I'm sad. I want to LEAVE!

hey hey everybody, I figure, I might as well update my sight seeing as I am kind of bored. what the hey? I guess I'll just hook you all up with an accurate description of my mood right now, I am conflicted, I am depressed, as usual, but am somehow in an elevated state, because I was hanging out with lauren earlier. so I'm stuck, somewhere in the middle, and it's making my tummy hurt, somehow. have you ever had your emotions like, expressed in your physical health? when I'm nervous, my knees hurt more than usual, when I'm sad, I get a headache, when I'm like, angry, for some reason my knuckles keep on hurting and cracking and such, I just don't understand it. I like those times when I am real happy, like earlier today, and it feels like my heart stopped beating, and I just don't need to breath anymore. and elevated state, like nirvana, I live for that, I truly do. well, I can't really think of anything to talk about, so I'm gonna tell the epic saga of how my chum richelle got suspended from school for eight days, here goes. I was in gym class, and I was hanging out with this kid eric (I think his name is) and these two girls who were wicked stoned haha, (kim and richelle) now, prior to this they had been smoking up in the girls locker room, never a good plan, for one, it's no good to smoke up, for another, it's no good to smoke up and be high in school, for another, it's no good to do both said things, but in a public place without trying to hide it. so, some girls in the locker room smelled it, and told the gym teacher that it was kim and richelle, and she got the asst. principal down there, and he said, "kim NAME AND ADRESS EXPLICATED, and richelle NAME AND ADDRESS EXPLICATED, come with me please" and richelle performed this magnificient handoff routine and passed her stash and pipe (cleverly contained in an altoids container) to eric (or whatever) so he was scared out of his mind, and like, walked around real nervous with it in his pocket for the rest of the period, for he was inexperienced in the ways of drugs. I would have helped him out but...well I'm not nice. so he handed it off to some friend of richelles, who no doubt has either consumed or returned the merchandise, and kim's guidance counselor lady got her off from trouble, but richelle had no such luck, and she got suspended for eight days, cause she was high, but didn't have possession when they caught her (fyi, if she did, she woulda have been expelled and arrested, thank you eric or whatever, you have done her a real service). yeah, and that's the end of that. which only leads me to my series of questions, one, why smoke up anyway, I mean, I just amuse myself with wacky ideas and watnot, why do you have to be stoned for that? and if you were gonna be, to enhance creativity or ease pain or some crap, some at least semi-legitimate reason, why would you, first of all, do it in a public place, and second of all, try to pass as sober afterwords? what lack of intelligence would lead someone to give up any inhibitions towards use of contraband as such. oh well, I'm gonna go, I lost my train of thought. cya

Saturday, March 08, 2003

so I hit the mall last night, with lauren and dave and rob and erin and amanda and kenya(<-kenny) and mike (ray). I saw lauren with ALMOST no make-up on! she said she wouldn't wear any at all, but she did wear some. irregardless!(<-not a word) she was breathtaking, seriously, I stopped breathing for a moment when I saw her. she always is, but this time it was in a different way, so it was all the more mind-boggling. allrighty, that's all I got to say, toodle-oo everybody!

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

hey everybody. I am so sick of me. I make me sick, I really do, the way I think, the way I act, I would hate me so much if I were somebody else, I would hate me with a passion. which can only mean pretty much anyone like me, must hate me. which means opposites truly do attract, because if someone was like me, they would hate my flaws. as I in turn would them. I don't know, I don't really know when to do things, if you understand that, I'll yell when we should be quiet, accidentally, I'll make terrible jokes to people and everything. my social skills surely lack, but the one thing I hate more than anything in the world, is people who act EXACTLY LIKE ME! I see them all the time, and the thoughts that go through my head are, "God they are so annoying." and stuff, hypocrisy, in the extreme, I guess I'll never get out of it either, the only thing that changed in me when I grew up, beyond physically of course, was my jokes and watnot were slightly better worded. otherwise I am exactly like I was when I was 8. that's both comforting and depressing. maybe I should just beat the crap out of someone, and then not talk to anyone ever again. people would leave me alone. oh well, I'm depressing myself with this, I'm gonna try and talk about something else, I have about half an hour to kill here. hm...what to! I was talking to some kids in my history class, a kid said he didn't believe in god, and I said that I thought it made more sense than things just happening, and he asked how god came about, and I have answers for that, but he went on, he said that god has just been an excuse for people to answer things they couldn't understand over the years, everytime something seemed unexplainable, they said it was god. well, I looked at him for about two seconds, and then said, "so is science" and he got confused, so I explained how I saw it. a great deal of all science is theory. we theorize on atoms and such, but we don't know, we haven't seen them, we say that there is scientific laws, such as gravity, that makes sense on earth, but for something to be all encompassing it has to be tested in all areas, and we have explored and infintismal amount of our universe. science is a religion now, there is no getting around that, it's still based on faith, everything we have, is based on faith, I don't care what you say, I don't care what you believe, nothing we know is definate. let me try and put things in perspective here. No one is openminded, I don't care what you say, no one is. they all have some narrow areas, evolutionist put down creationism, creationists put down evolution, but when it all comes down to it, it's friggin holy wars, because everyone just believes what they think is right, and will fight for it to their deaths just to not give in. I say, we should all just not care, believe what we want to, and live in peace, but what do I know, I'm just a stupid christian.

Monday, March 03, 2003

hey hey all, I'm putting a better site together right now on geocities, I can put comis up on it here and there if I can make my scanner work, but it allows me more freedom with my template and such, so I'll give you the address in a while, ok everybody? I'm going over dave's house in a few minutes, if my mom ever stops playing final fantasy, she beat 10 and has now discovered the superior joys of 7. *sigh* I'm kinda happier than usual right now, I don't really know why, it's probably because I was just talking to lauren, which is always a cheery thing *smile*. I had a splitting headache earlier today, but for some reason I went to school anyway, and got to freakin squaredance whilst having the worst headache ever. every time we have to do the squaredancing thing, these two kids in my class are without girls to dance with. I don't know if I am or not, all I know is my friend matt won't dance with me. we need to break the social bonds of heterosexuality people! it will be a great day when a man can dance with another man in gym class and not be called gay. welp I am off, toodle loo!

Sunday, March 02, 2003

hey hey all, it has come to my attention that I said "sign of die" in the last post, as opposed to what I meant, which was "sign AND die" which means, all who signed it will soon be killed by mysterious means, mwahaha. welp, it's kicking me off soon, so I'll get straight to the first point, I haven't been doing as much on this site as I used to, and that upsets me, so I am going to start from now on out. also I want to resurect a godzilla thin I found going through my archives earlier today, here goes:

"me and my friend tim (not the baron) were talking the other day. We thought that the original godzilla could kick the living crumbs out of mecha godzilla, think about it, it's just a machine, faulty in it's own way. then we elaborated on it and came up with the idea that if mecha godzilla and regular godzilla came together for like a cyborg godzilla then it would be unstoppable. Then we got sidetracked and said that we wouldn't like to get in a fight with a chicken cause they're so vicious, you know like in cockfights (teehee) then we said if we had a suit of armor and a shotgun then we'd take him, then we said if IT was a cyborg we would be destroyed. Then moved on to a mansized chicken, who could take us all, unless it fought godzilla who could take it, unless it cas a cyborg chicken, in which case it could take godzilla, then there was the cyborg godzilla he could take it, then if godzilla was a ninja he could take it. then we thought that if godzilla mixed with like mothra he'd be unstoppable cause all godzilla didn't have was wings, and if THAT was a cyborg he would destroy us all, japan would never be able to fight that. THEN we said we wanted to make a terrible movie like that, he said just a guy in a wierd rubber suit stomping things, I said a giant radioactive ninja who could shoot lasers from his eyes, which eventually became a cyborg and was unstoppable till it met cyborg flying godzilla, then the ninja got wings and kicked godzillas can. that was pretty much it I found it funny.
Peace out"

that's something I wrote like last year, and I laughed like mad when I read it so I thought I'd show you again. well toodle-loo everyone.

Saturday, March 01, 2003

guestbook, sign of die!!

The Needle and The Damage Done- Neil Young

I caught you knockin'
at my cellar door
I love you, baby,
can I have some more
Ooh, ooh, the damage done.

I hit the city and
I lost my band
I watched the needle
take another man
Gone, gone, the damage done.

I sing the song
because I love the man
I know that some
of you don't understand
to keep from running out.

I've seen the needle
and the damage done
A little part of it in everyone
But every junkie's
like a settin' sun.

hey hey everyone. I'm a little depressed today, although I had a fantastic pair of days, last night I went to the mall, like I do so often, and with me went ben and taylor, and there who we were going to meet were lauren (hooray!) and amanda and her significant other, kenya, I have come to call him. And that was lot's of fun, and then that night, lauren slept over amandas, and I went home and for some reason couldn't sleep, like so many times before, and stayed up till about three, and finally fell asleep and had a wierd dream where I was on a boat and then I threw up (in the dream) I woke up at 7 this morning, and had to clean a lot of my house so that my mom wouldn't get on my case, because lauren was coming over today, then lauren came over and we went to my karate thing, that she wanted to go to, to see me and taylor duel, but we never dueled. and then we came home and hung out and tim called up and said that he would call me when kelly got there or something, but it turned out that kelly couldn't come anyway because her dad has pnuemonia and had to go to the hospital, keep her and her family in your prayers, if you pray, and in your best wishes, if you don't. so that kind of made us all slightly more sober. but on a personal level, I am still rather depressed, despite how things have seemingly gone well lately. I have no reason to be, I am just worried because my mom recently revealed to me her worries that I have rhuematoid athritis. If you don't know what that is, then know this, it's the disease that pretty much ruined my sisters life. it's like your joints age 50 years and just stay that way whilst your body is still working fine. My sister has to take like morphine pills for the pain. my mother said if I did have it, it was probably a mild case, but didn't eleborate on whether or not it's a progressive disease and if it will get worse in the future. luckily for me, when I get in this depressed, pensive state, I become kind of creative, and I have wrote many things lately, I have also found, much adding to my depression, that my drawing is lacking somewhat lately, I honed my few characters to where I like how they look alot, but now It's wicked hard to draw anything else. I tried last night and I couldn't do it very well at all. I think I just need to experiment more. but it's extremely depressing that the one thing I enjoy doing at all times in all places is now beginning to escape me, you know? I've been thinking, and I have my proof for god, or at least total fixation against evolution. here goes, IF LIFE WERE ACTUALLY AN ADAPTATION, AND WE WERE AS PERFECT AS BILLIONS OF YEARS OF ADAPTATION WOULD GET US, LIFE WOULD NOT SUCK THIS MUCH. Understand? think about it, if nature were a filter, and all the best got through, and the worst left behind, would everything be this bad? take teeth, teeth are a hassle, they are obsolete, we could just have a proboscis like a fly, we'd be better off. but no, we have teeth, and it makes life harder. why would we keep them? the majority of species on the planet don't have them, why would the most superior one have them? because we were made by god, and it would have worked if we were still perfect. BOOYEAH!I don't know, I'm beginning to...burn out on life again. things are once again beginning to seem unnecessary, I think it's just this new threat of illness perhaps. but I don't see any point to it anymore. why won't the world just let me rest? I'm so tired. if it wasn't for the current situation, I believe you all know, then I think I may just give up again. but I can't now, because I love the few times everything clicks into place. I live for those times, in the most literal sense. I just hope god doesn't let me live too long, because I am sick of it already. I love my life at times though, I have no REAL reason to be depressed, and I feel rather selfish just thinking this way. but that just makes it worse. well, I'm off to whatever I have to do, I love you all, you are what keep me from slipping. goodnight.


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