The Obscure

Welcome, one and all, to the incongruent ravings of an inferior mind!

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

I took this survey from Katie Hakala! WOO!

1. Kissed your cousin: Every day!
2. Ran away: A couple times throughout my childhood. One time when I was about 4 years old, my older sister had moved out into Boston, and I missed her so I took it into my head to go and find her; I left at 4 A.M., got about halfway down the street before getting scared that my mom was worried about me, and ran all the way home, leapt on her bed and woke her up by saying, "I'll never leave again!".
Or something like that, I don't remember it very clearly.
3. Skinny Dipped: Nope, I'd be embarrassed, and terrified if it wasn't in a pool. Those snakes are killer.
4. Skipped school: No, I've left early when I've had headaches or felt low, before.
5. Broken someone's heart: Not that I know of, and I certainly hope not.
6. Sang kareoke: Yes. It was a horrible experience and I hope never to do it again. I think it was "Ice Ice Baby" and I didn't know any of the words, and whomever I was supposed to do it with chickened out, but all the annoying girls that were there made me do it anyway. That was the worst year of my life, what with all the annoying girls, and the Kareoke. I don't think that's how you spell it, either.
7. Cried when someone died? Yes, I did.
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Too many times. Though after further thought, any is too many. Benny.
9. Broken a bone: Several! I'd go into further detail but I accidentally tripped and got hooked on cocaine.
10. Done something embarrasing: FAR too often, GOD. I'm a walking embarrassment.
11. Done a drug: My MOM reads this site! Shame on you!
12. Cried in school: Nope! I am proud to say. I've come close though, because sometimes some of the girls would cry in school (occasionally through fault of my own, though I did not actually DO anything) and I would get so sympathetic that I would be moved almost to tears. I hate seeing girls cry, it makes me want to start fights with whatever is bad.
13. Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi, dammit. And I don't care what anyone says about it.
14. Sprite or 7UP: I like Sprite, it's like liquid candy, which I want. Because I want candy, bubble gum or taffy
skip to the sweetshop, with my sweetheart Sandy
Got my pennies saved, cause I'm a sugar daddy
I'm her Hume Cronyn, she's my Jessica Tandy, I want candy!
Do it to your daddy, embarrass your own family
just because you came in front of a kid and his candy
I want candy, any kind'll do
it's gonna make me spaz like bobcats on booze
and I'll make a special juice that only I can produce
to power a giant drill, straight into hell
and release the ancient demons from a sleep forever spell
to walk upon the earth, and get re-situated
and hock the diet pills that MC Pee-Pants created
Mess up the mix, mix up the mess
Come on down yo, here's the address
it's 6-1-2 Wharf Avenue
6-1-2 Wharf Avenue!

That was all from memory, so excuse any mistakes or weapons of mass destruction.
15. Girls or Guys: I prefer Dogs.
16. Flowers or Candy: Well, I haven't gotten a lot of either, but I prefer GIVING flowers. When I was little and we had a big rose hedge outside (Before my late landlord [god rest his soul] paved over our damn garden)my dad used to come home from work sometimes and cut a rose from the hedge with his pocketknife, and then bring it up to my mom. It's a treasured memory of mine, though I'm not sure even THEY remember it, or if it actually happened.
17. Scruffy or Clean Shaven: Legs? Or Face? I perpetually look scruffy, though I, out of habit, shave pretty much every day. Maybe I just imagine my scruffiness, or it's my hair that makes it look that way. Either way, I think I perpetually look scruffy. I shave daily cause it makes me feel cleaner.
18. Blondes or Brunettes: No thank you. HA! SUCK THAT ONE DOWN!
19. Bitchy or Slutty: Um, I think I'd have to go with slutty. Cause if they are slutty they are bound to be nice, You just have to make it perfectly clear that you are a closeted homosexual. I've found the easiest way is to kiss one of your male friends on the cheek, in greeting.
20. Tall or Short: I'm Tall! Short girls are cute, though. Then again, most of them are short to me.
21. Pants or Shorts: Pants all the way! sometimes though, Dude, I'm up for wearing... shorts.
22. Night or Day: I love night-time, day time is when the light comes to hurt me.
23. What do you notice first: Friendliness! If a young lady is amicable, she instantly wins my (usually plutonic) affections.
24. Last person you slow danced with: You mean attempted to slow-dance with, against my will.
25. Kissed: Just now I kissed a cupcake. It was like Tim. "Sugarlips", I call him. He calls me cinnamon bun, or something. Or he did once.
26. Showered: El this morning-o.
27. Stepped outside: A little while ago I went to return bottles and get some Ciao. GET IT?!
28. Had Sex: Not once! Hooray for me and my supreme awesome power over my virginity!
29. Romantic memory: Weh.
30. Brothers or Sisters? Lena and Maria, cha cha cha.
31. Person You Dislike Most? Kevin Bacon. Six degrees from my ass.
32. Best Thing That Has Happened: I honestly do not know.
33. On your desk: Which desk? on this one is all my mom's accounting stuff and some computer stuff of mine, and on the red desk in my room I have a TV and some papers and movies, and on the drafting table in my room I have some drawing supplies and some paper and half-finished drawings.
34. Picture on your desktop?: this weird nature composite.
35. Color: I like "olive drab". It's a weird green I wear on occasion, or I wear clothes that go with it but aren't actually it. It's very soothing to me.
36. Movie: The usual suspects, maybe, or the shawshank redemption, or "a new hope", or apocalypse now, or... screw it, there is too many. There are really very few movies I actually DIS-like, because if they are bad, I like their badness, and if they are good, I enjoy the flick. Dig?
37. Artist: Robert Crumb, Bosch, Van Gogh, uh... I don't wanna get into too into it.
38. Cars: Chevy Nova!
39. Ice Cream: I'm not really a huge fan of iced cream.
40. Season: I like every season for different reasons, and I can never pick the superior.
41. Breakfast Food: Pancakes, with some side orders of Meat.
42. Makes you laugh the most: All my friends do. I don't know how I ended up making friends with the comic geniuses of the world.
43. Makes you smile: Everybody, I smile on instinct. It's a subconscious thing, I want to disarm any emnity towards my person by being friendly. I fail, though.
44. Can make you feel better no matter what: Drawing funny pictures! And making my chums laugh, even if it's at my misfortune. Which is often.
45. Has a crush on you: WHO KNOWS?!
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: So what if I do, Huh? Punk.
47. Who Has it easier, Guys or Girls? I prefer to think that we each have it hard in our own equal and indistinguishable ways, and that neither of us will be able to grasp the other's problems.
48. Gives you A Funny Feeling When You See Them: Everone. I have acid reflux.
49. Sat by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: Nope. I'm a boy!
50. Saved AIM conversations: A couple times, I don't remember why though, and I never look at them later.
51. Saved E-mails: Yeah, sometimes, when I need them.
52. Forward secret E-mails: Not once!
53. Wish you were someone else: I wish I was other people, but it's never anyone real, it's either a fictional character from some form of media, or it is a person I make up in my head that I wish I was but know I will never be.
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: Yes. But probably not for the reasons you are thinking.
55. Wear perfume/cologne: Not really.
56. Gone to the store in your jammies: Yes. I'm a girl!
57. Cuddle: I'm a Man, we don't talk of such things.
58. Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: I have before.
59. Fallen for your best friend?: It's "per se". And... maybe?
60. Is missing: *stare*
61. Kissed two people in the same day?: I don't kiss a lot of people.
62. Had sex with two different people in the same day?: Not... consentual...
63. Been rejected: Yeah! Let's get this party started!
64. Been in love?: Who knows?
65. Been in lust?: Yessir, everyone has, I think. But I hate that damn phrase.
66. Used someone?: I don't know, actually.
67. Been used?: Yeah, I think I have. But again, I don't really know.
68. Cheated on someone?: No. I wouldn't, I don't think. It takes me a long time to grow to trust and be comfortable with someone before I can ever sit next to them. Cheating is beyond me.
69. Been cheated on?: I don't think so, not really, but I don't know a lot of things.
70. Been kissed?: Yes'm, I have'm.
71. Done something you regret?: Everyone has, I think.
72. You touched?: Lauren Engley. Don't ask.
73. You talked to?: Drew, he was leaving, I said, "see you later!"
74. You hugged?: Lena!
75. You instant messaged?: Katie W!
76. You called/Called you: Tim, I think.
77. You yelled at?: Lena, probably, or Watts.
78. You thought about?: Watts!
79. Who text messaged you?: I have never had the pleasure!
80. Who broke your heart?: Tim. That insensitive Bastard! The laughs finally stopped, after all our good times.
81. Who told you they loved you?: My mom.
82. Color your hair?: Nope, never have, never will (maybe.
83. Have tattoos?: Not right now, I plan to in time, but that urge too, may pass.
84. Have piercings? Nope!
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Yep!
86. Own a webcam?: Yeah, but the damn thing won't install. Thanks to my Sister and brother-in-law though!
87. Own a thong?: I have an extansive collection of thongs.
88. Ever get off the dang computer?: Oh... cassionally?
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: Wipe that filthy smirk off your face.
90. Habla espanol?:
The Flapjacks McMacMcMahoney Electric Eclectic Keltic Funksylvania Brass Band Trio...Ox- Tu taco es muy taco
Un agua con limon
Un agua con limon
Tito Puente!

Ayyyyyyyeeeeee, Sacapuntas!!

And that's all I remember
91. Quack?: Bite me.
92. Stolen anything?: Not that I can recall!
93. Smoke?: Nope-ski-ree-do-da.
94. Schizophrenic?: Who knows?
95. Obsessive? About certain things.
96. Compulsive?: About certain things.
97. Obsessive compulsive?: Not really, but I also have a problem with open doors, freaky.
98. Panic?: Very Rarely.
99. Anxious?: Constantly.
100. Depressed?: I don't even know anymore.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

haha, Oh god guys, I have to post this up. This is the most horrifying picture of myself that I have seen in a very long time Dear Lord
Check it out.

Duuuuuuude! I updated my Links, I think you'll find escape from them is quite impossible.
Let's see, let's see, what is new? What's new with me?

I've been drawing some weird stuff lately, I started doing this little pictures that are like an impression of some of the Editorial stylings one might find in the New Yorker. You know, black and white, kind of curvy minimalist drawings. It's pretty fun to do, and it allows me to experiment with some wacky shapes that I had hitherto been unable to employ, while still entertaining my more, "I want to be Robert Crumb RIGHT NOW!" tendencies.
Enough on that.

I made the best cappucino I have ever made, EVER, today. It is quite delicious, I haven't finished it yet. But everything kind of fell into place, it's like the planets aligned in conjunction with my kitchen, and cosmic deliciousness was created therein. Or I've just been practicing.
Either way, this thing is damn good.

I guess I don't have anything else to say. G'day everyone!

Saturday, August 28, 2004


Los Lobos- Que nadie sepa mi sufrir

No te asombres si te digo lo que fuiste
Un ingrata con mi pobre corazón
Porque el fuego de tus lindos ojos negros
Alumbraron el camino de otro amor

Y pensar que te adoraba ciegamente
Que a tu lado como nunca me sentí
Y por esas cosas raras de la vida
Sin el beso de tu boca yo me vi

¿Amor de mis amores alma mia que me hisite?
Que no puedo consolar me sin poder me contemplar
Ya pagaste mal mi carino tan sincero solo conseguira
Que no tu nombre nunca mas

Amor de mis amores si dejaste de querer me no hay cuidado
Que la gente de esto no se enterara
Que gano con decir que tu amor cambio mi suerte se bularan de mi
Que nadie sepa mi sufrir

Don't read into that, haha. I don't know spanish, I translated those lyrics with google and such and the were really sad and stuff. I just loved the song, the meaning of the lyrics doesn't have an impact on me. It's now on my "favorite song ever" list, because it's so durn good.

I'm postin' up a storm! Look out Honolulu.

Anyway, how are you all doing? I am doing fab-tru-lecent. I got Tee here, sittin' down and such. Also, I've learned of a new vantage point from which to view reality!

I didn't have anything to say after that. I'm sorry for letting you all down.
This "BlogThis" thing is just like the blogger thing they had when I first made a blog, except it has spellcheck. Those cheap.... monk..coders.
Hey, last night Tay and I watched, "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon"! It was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the Greatest piece of pure unadulterated kickassery ever to grace the presence of this etc..
I tell you, when they spliced in the footage of that shark, and then superimposed a picture of a boat in front of it so it looked like the giant shark was eating the boat, it was pure magic. Not to mention the incredible acting, and eyebrows. Those were nice.

Anyway, I'll post later when I'm not bein' a dumbass, I can only pray that day will come. Seeya!

Friday, August 27, 2004

You know the black plague? You know, millions of people dropping like flies, mountains of dead bodies piling up for a decade or so of hellish living conditions and horrible strife and poverty?
That's kind of like this. The damn computer just lost a post I wrote.
The plague wasn't quite as bad, though.

There is a rape scene in "the stand" that always scares the hell out of me. I really should skip over that part when I read it, cause it's really terrifying. I read it a night or so ago and just kinda stayed up for a while being scared to move. I don't know why it gets to me so much. Rape has always been the thing I think the worst in the world, I think it should be punishable by Death, in all seriousness.
The only thing worse is child-molestation, that should be punishable by a drawn out, tortured death.

I have to help Mike Pladsen move again today, my arms are still sore from the last time. You know you are out of shape when three hours of labour can make you sore for two days. But can you blame me? I've had a complete and utter absence of physical activity for over a year!

I think about now is the time where I should mention the fact that I met Katie Hakala last week at a party dealy, Katie (W!), Darcy, and Dierdereredree (can't spell) were also there; and Meg White! Which was a surprise. I'm pretty sure I'm going to kill her. Not for any reason, I just want her dead. I want a lot of people dead, no hard feelings.

Alright. I'm all wrote-out now. I will close this by saying, I wish I could get my camera driver to work, because I want to put things I draw on this here blog, it would be fun, I think.
It's not that I am all, "I want to show everyone that I can draw ok!", it's me wanting to get past the, "I don't want to show my drawings to anyone, EVER!" phobia.

Anyway, take care, y'all.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Hey hey everyone! I am back from a brief cyber-hiatus with new and quite shocking news:

America has declared itself an independent nation!

King George to colonists, "I'm very upset!"

Unfortunately I really don't have anything else to say here, y'all have a good day.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Hey hey everyone! I went to my cousin Jon's wedding today, it was also my now cousin-in-law Mariah's wedding, as well, I guess.
It was an indredible ceremony, really breathtaking. I haven't been to a whole lot of weddings, but to me, this one was at least in the top three.
I've only been to three.

The reception was a little bogus, though. I don't like fancy dinners or sitting with people I don't know or being surrounded by a Drunken Wedding Party, all of whom still consider me to be, in nature, a five year old. Unfortunately for me (and others of similiar disposition) all of these criteria were fulfilled.
But for each criterion was an equal and opposite drunken bridesmaid.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, makes all the difference.

Well, not to me. Dan was having a good time, though.

Then Count Bitchula came along and made the entire day suck again, after we all had a relatively good time.

uh... I guess this blog update is done. I don't have a whole lot more to talk about except for things that I shouldn't write. G'bye for now!

Hey hey one and all. This is M.C. Snazzy H in... to hell with it.
How are you all doing this fine... morning, night... thing? I am doing tremendously!Yes, all is well in Johnny-Town.

Which brings me to my real point: What the HELL happened to my adolescence? Seriously! I mean, one second I was pickin' zits off my forehead in Mr. Bendikson's loathsome English class, and then suddenly BAM! YOU, my lad, are officially past your prime! My prime lasted for like two seconds, man. I'm already feeling the effects of age, my spine is bent and doubled, my knees are constantly swollen and sore, my memory is all but gone and my joints and head ache all day long.
Soon I'll have trouble with my prostate and stop urinating for days on end, and then I will pass on at the ripe ol' age of 19.

Which brings me to my auxiliary point: What the HELL happened to children's shows? SERIOUSLY! What, are kids dumber now, or did shows suck back in my day too? Come on! Have you seen the shows they put on nowadays? Where's the goddamn humour? Where's the goddamn... art?! There is none of the experimental animation, none of the adult level humour in the 'toons, none of the damn...DAMN, damn it!

Which brings me to my DI-xiliary point: DAMN IT!!

So how are you guys doing? Oh, I already asked that? Bite me.
The author apologizes for the multitude of profanity in this post, for the sake of the tender-reader, the definition of "Damn" is temporarily changed to the definition of "cotton candy" and "hell" is temporarily changed to "yellow galoshes". Thank you.

I hear you talking back there, you thought I wasn't going to get to my Tri-xiliary point, didn't you? Oh, you are a silly one. Did you really think I would forget the most IMPORTANT TRI-XILIARY POINT EVER?!

You were right.

Goodnight sun, goodnight moon, goodnight crumbs from my macaroon
Goodnight land, goodnight socks, goodnight battered remains of clocks
Goodnight wait, goodnight I stole, goodnight the first line, from goodnight Zits
Goodnight you know, goodnight that comic, goodnight...from the paper...


Goodnight, Emily Dickenson.
G'night, Pa.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Hey everyone. I am updating! It's only maybe once in a blue moon that John "Captain of the Spanish Guard" Colon updates his site. Provided the blue moon is daily, of course. Sometimes bi-daily. Does bi-daily mean twice a day or every two days? I always get confused on Bi-weekly. Meh.
So Tim stayed over last night, but he fell asleep at like one or something, I didn't fall asleep till like 4:30 but I think in doing so I woke him up, then when I woke up at Ten he was gone. I haven't spoken to him since.
My parents actually WOKE me up at ten, it was not by choice. My mom came in and prodded me with her foot saying, "John, you need to get up, Joyce needs help putting in her air conditioner... No she can't put it in herself... She needs it now cause she's going on vacation... she got it right before she went on vacation because it was on sale... wake up you stupid bastard." and so forth.
So I woke up, put on some un-sleepy clothes, brushed my teeth and my dad and I went to put in Joyce's air conditioner, (on the way I got an espresso). So we're rollin' along, talking about music and coffee and communism and god-knows-what-else my dad knows everything about; we pull into Joyce's driveway right as she is pulling out! So she honks and kicks it in reverse for a sec and my dad and her are talking through their windows, apparently someone else installed the air conditioner but she didn't feel like calling us, or something. So, since we were already up, we decided to drive to my cousin's house and get our boat out of the basement.
...and that's when the world got mad.

See, apparently there is a new law that a third of the world's scary looking spiders and cobwebs have to live in that basement. I don't know why I didn't know, I must have missed the memo. So I'm down there in my slippers, lifting one end of a fifteen foot long canoe over stacks of buckets and general Stone-related debris; when I see dangling (directly in front of my face, no less), a long strand of spider webs, about two feet long, covered in giant translucent white spiders.
Now, I'm not really scared of spiders, leastwise not much more than I am scared of any other bug or arachnid (what have you), but this nonetheless got the better of me, and I kinda freaked out and almost dropped the boat.
Luckily there was an iron apparatus of some kind to break the fragile fiberglass boat's fall.
I then recovered my composure and we hauled the boat out of there.
Ask yourself this, though, have you ever seen two scrawny armed, lanky puerto ricans in almost-pajamas pulling a fifteen foot long, four foot wide canoe sideways out of a three foot wide farmhouse bulkhead on a sunny summer morning? Well if not, I will put it to you simply: if there was a Melissa Etheridge song in the background it would have been the greatest single hour of my entire life.

Long story made slightly longer, I watched Smokey and the Bandit the other night. I was really excited about it, but I haven't told a soul yet. It was such a good movie, it reminded me of a joke I heard once, but it's kind of one of those spur of the moment one-liner jokes that you can't really quote comfortably.

So it feels like I've been awake for a week and it's been five hours. I need more coffee; and I will now go make some. Good morrow, all.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Hey hey all. I went shopping with Mumsie today, I was going to get a new espresso carafe but they didn't have any replacements at Walmart, I guess I'll have to order one. I got some new slippers because my mocassins have passed the vomity and torn point of no return, and these are, by far, more comfortable. Also, they have cool "outdoor soles" on them, so I can like, take a stroll to the store or something if I'm too lazy to put on one of my vast numbers of shoes.
I have more to say but this has to be truncated for now, Ang and I are going to hoof it to the Engley's house. Toodle-oo!

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Dude, this "BlogThis" thing is one of the coolest things Ever. I don't know why I like it, really, I mean I could just as easily update my blog from the "Update Blog" page I have bookmarked. But I think I will use this, and only this, from now on.

I slept late today, then I was awoken by a phone call from the indomitable Katie. In a sleepy haze I managed to reply to a few questions and figure out what word "Goodbye" meant (it took me a few tries, if I recall correctly [and I assure you, I do not] my first attempt at Goodbye was, "Fanbelt.")
I then put on my jeans and trundled off into the kitchen, where I made an enormous cappucino, Girled it up a bit with sugar and cinnamon, and devoured it rapidly so that I could commence Living for the day.
After showering, I went to the store and got hair elastics and a large bottle of Sierra Mist; and it is with my hair tied back and a glass of Sierra Mist in my hand that I bring this blog update to you now.

Now, I am having a tremendous day, the abundance of coffee, zelda, and hawaiian shirts is really making everything sublime for me. But what about the less fortunate? The people who, through no fault of their own, are having a bad day this fine Tuesday? With your pledge of just 8 cents an hour (plus an additional %12,000 shipment and management fee) you can bring quality programming like "The Obscure", "John's Daily Home-Cooking", and "Let's Get Down and Dirty With Johnny: A Christmas Special" to the good-day-ly impaired around the world. Please, help us to help helping ourselves by helping you help us in helping others.

I forgot if "help" was a word, just now. I told Tim and Taylor about it, apparently Tim didn't know so he had to consult the authorities; unfortunately "help" was an FBI codeword for "I'm a spy for the commies" and he has been put to death.
Today we mourn the loss of Timothy Doherty, a freedom fighter who was caught in the crossfire, shot down in a battle larger than himself. He has struck a blow for capitalism, and will always have a place in our hearts.

Anyway, I guess I'm going to go now, Y'all have a good day.

Hey everyone! I am now allowed to tell people "the Family Secret of the Year"!, but I think most of my friends already know, because I told a bunch of people in private. Nevertheless, I must say it!
Maria is Pregnant! Huzah!!
Yes! The oldest of the Colón children is again with child! Two Months! She went for an ultrasound and they found a heartbeat!
Pray for her, everyone, if you pray. Thank you!

Alright, I am very excited, but I guess I shall move on. Unfortunately, I've little to move on to. So I am posting the lyrics to "Super Freak" just because I love that song. Sorry that they so horribly clash with the theme of this blog post, but... well, I'm not really sorry. Anyway, Enjoy!

Rick James- Super Freak

She's a very kinky girl
The kind you don't take home to mother
She will never let your spirits down
Once you get her off the street, ow girl

She likes the boys in the band
She says that I'm her all-time favorite
When I make my move to her room it's the right time
She's never hard to please

That girl is pretty wild now
(The girl's a super freak)
The kind of girl you read about
(In new-wave magazine)
That girl is pretty kinky
(The girl's a super freak)
I really love to taste her
(Every time we meet)
She's all right, she's all right
That girl's all right with me, yeah
She's a super freak, super freak
She's super-freaky, yow

Super freak, super freak

She's a very special girl
(The kind of girl you want to know)
From her head down to her toenails
(Down to her feet, yeah)
And she'll wait for me at backstage with her girlfriends
In a limousine
Going back in Chinatown

Three's not a crowd to her, she says
Room 714, I'll be waiting
When I get there she's got incense, wine and candles
It's such a freaky scene



Temptations sing!
Super freak, super freak
That girl's a super freak

She's a very kinky girl
The kind you don't take home to mother
She will never let your spirits down
Once you get her off the street, ow girl

Blow, Danny!

Monday, August 16, 2004

There comes a time in every boy's life when he has to sit back, relax, and say, "Dude, to hell with this, I'm gonna sit down for a while. Y'know? Feel Cool."
So we sit down on our couches and we drink our drinks, we make our toasts to life and we feel that we've accomplished something great. I guess in the long run we have made quite an accomplishment, we have run another race, so to speak. I think that is the most amazing thing of all, to finish a course and then sit down with your friends for a little while, watch some TV and feel cool.
Cause in the end, tell me, isn't that what it's really about? Hanging out, feeling cool? Because honestly, if you can't hang out and feel cool, well... what can you do? You got nothing!
That is the meaning of life my friends, hanging out, and feeling cool.

So I went for a walk today. That's the end of that story.

I'm kind of cold, I'm going to put on my sweatshirt, got it's only... 75 degrees in my house! How is it that I am not freezing to death, I ask you?
I do not like that people think they can make base generalizations about a world they do not even know, but it is all people do. I guess it is just a human thing, you have to stereotype everyone and everything to fit into your perception of reality. Lord knows I do it. Still, being on the recieving end of such generalizations is very hurtful and at times gives me urges to kill all living things. I would like to kill all living things, just for the experience. That's something I think everybody should get to do just once.

Uh... Yeah, I'm gonna go do dishes now. G'night everybody!

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Frank Zappa- I'm the slime

I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you

I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I'm the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set


You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold

That's right, folks . . .
Don't touch that dial

Well, I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor

I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go

I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor

I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go

*That phrase was on the Live in New York version (I think). I think it adds a lot to the song, don't you?

That song has the coolest, catchiest tune that I have ever heard. Thank you Frank Zappa, your mustache of love did wonders for this Anti-facial hair world we live in.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Ripple- The Grateful Dead

If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine
And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung
Would you hear my voice come through the music?
Would you hold it near, as it were your own?

It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken
Perhaps they're better left unsung
I don't know, don't really care
Let there be songs to fill the air

Ripple in still water
When there is no pebble tossed
Nor wind to blow

Reach out your hand if your cup be empty
If your cup is full may it be again
Let it be known there is a fountain
That was not made by the hands of man

There is a road, no simple highway
Between the dawn and the dark of night
And if you go, no one may follow
That path is for your steps alone

Ripple in still water
When there is no pebble tossed
Nor wind to blow

You who choose to lead must follow
But if you fall, you fall alone
If you should stand, then who's to guide you?
If I knew the way, I would take you home

Hey everyone. I am feeling great today; well, in a manner of speaking. Feeling very philosophical and stuff, I have gotten a lot of my thoughts in order, thanks to talkin' to my friends and drawing and stuff. Feeling good. Thank you all for your time, and pray for my family, if you pray. We got some stuff going down. Talk to you later.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

I threw off my biological clock somehow, over the past few weeks. It's 6 A.M. now, I had a weird tv/movie marathon that kept me up this late and I think I will try to go to sleep in a second. They play a lot of weird movies in the wee hours of the morning. For instance, I saw "The Crush". In this particular film, the incredible hotness of one Alicia Silverstone is illustrated to it's highest degree, and made thoroughly creepy by the fact that she portrays a 14 year old psycopathic genius who is stalking (and later assaulting) the main Male character of the film. In seeing the male character of the film, one gleans the little known fact that Cary Elwes can in fact actually play a character who is NOT a funny british swashbuckler; though one must concede that Nick Elliot was by no means as cool as the Dread Pirate Robertson.
Then I saw this other movie, but I never got the title of it. Antonio Banderas is in it, playing opposite of this weird woman who looked creepily like a blonde version of Dave's mom. It had all kinds of crazy twists and turns and the end was nothing like I would have expected. All I know is, she smeared a lot of crap (in the literal sense) on her wall, and then killed her dad (who had it coming, he had molested her as a child and murdered her mother).
Crazy movie though; again, made all the weirder by the Dave's Mom resemblance.

That, along with about five hundred Million "Girls Gone Wild" commercials and some cartoons, constituted my entire night's activities. I certainly know how to make the best with my time, Do You?

Haha, sometimes when it's kind of late at night and there is no one around, my mind still acts like there is more than one person there, and I carry myself accordingly. So for about an hour now I was watching tv and saying things like, "Heh, that was funny." and pointing at the screen as if it were my friend that made a good joke. At the end of King of the Hill I realized that I was doing it, and I thought it was funny and decided to turn it into a blog update.
Man, what a stupid blog update, eh?

I guess I'll write a little more while I am here.
I went to my friend James' birthday party today. He turned 18, hooray! We had some fun, playing mini-golf and such. I think I may consider professional mini-golfing as a career option, I'm damn good with that putter. I haven't hung out with James in a while, so it was fun; and I hadn't seen his parents in like Years, so that was cool too. I forgot how much I like his dad, Blake is the coolest guy.

I went for an eight mile walk today, Tim joined me. I haven't gone for a walk in a few weeks though, so it made my legs hurt really bad. My left knee is so swollen now that I can't even crack my kneecap (which I have always been able to do), it's like it's packed with a lot of Gak. Remember Gak? I don't.
We talked of many things, of (insert something), and Cabbages, and Kings!
I wish I knew the words to that rhyme, it would work a lil' better.

I had some cake earlier, but it had coconut on it. For some reason I don't like chocolate cake when it has coconut in it, though I like both a lot on their own. So I didn't finish the cake, and I feel bad about it, because my Dad loves the cake, and this is one more piece of cake that he will be deprived of. Then again, he's sposda be avoiding Carbs or something, so maybe I'm helping him.
I am the Last Confection Hero. Get it?

Damn, I had something to talk about, but I forgot what it was. Perhaps it will return while I type. It popped into my head when I was talking about cake, but it wasn't directly related to cake; it was just gathered in the Mental Net when I hurled it at the word "cake". Got a coupla sea turtles too.
Get it?
Man, it's really upsetting that I cannot remember what it was that I thought of when I thought about the Cake. God I hate my memory. There was about a minute between thinking about the Cake paragraph and completing it, and I still managed to forget a thought that I could have written several paragraphs about. Seriously, that is ridiculous.

I'm finally free from school again. I know I've spoken of that before, it was like two weeks ago. But the idea hadn't really sunk in again till just now. I can do whatever I want, I don't have school tomorrow. WACKY!
Adult Swim moved it's schedule around, so I didn't get to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force tonight. My life is RUINED.
Luckily for me, the inferior Sealab 2021 had a small portion of Aqua Teen love in it.
"Look how bad I'm beatin' you! Aw, now you're dead. Now I'm desecratin' your corpse."-Meatwad
Meatwad is my closest friend, he'll never leave me.

I don't like watching the News. It horrifies me really badly. Like, it's been on for ten minutes and I've already heard about a good 30 people who have died as a fault of violence or drug abuse in the past week. I can hear about that stuff in conversation, and I can read it and not really care; but hearing one of Lori Dhue's friends talking about it in their prim lil' newscaster voice is thoroughly disturbing.
I saw Lori Dhue the other day. She got a haircut. It doesn't look very good. Different shade of lipstick too, what's up with that? Still says it though, "Hi, I'm Lori Dhue."
I'll never know why it's funny, and frankly, I don't want to know.

Apparently someone stole an entire ATM machine from a Hess station. Is that not amusing? They put cameras in the ATM so that people won't steal the money, so the person just takes the whole machine. They should put a camera behind the ATM too. But then the smarter criminal would steal the entire building. Not only would he have the ATM, but he would have all the delicious and affordable treats contained inside the friendly neighborhood Hess convenience store.
That truly would be a tragedy, a tragedy of Flavor!

Alright, I'm gettin' real tired here. I guess I'll de-pant myself and go to bed.
WAIT! I have something interesting to talk about!
Here goes...

My parents borrowed a copy of "Out of the Silent Planet" by C.S. Lewis. I thought I would finish reading it within an hour or so, but I have to like devote my entire mind to it. It's only 160 pages long but I read it for two hours the other night and am not halfway through yet. C.S. Lewis just put so much stuff in there, I have to read it really closely to digest the entire thing.
That's what happened to me when I read Crime and Punishment. That was hell, that book is mo' lovin' long, bea'. That's also why I haven't gotten all the way through the Brothers Karamazov yet. That book is beyond long. It's like some kind of... Super Long. I'll make up a new word for how long it is... what about... "exceedingly long"!
Yes, that will do nicely.

Anyway, now I am going to bed. Thank you all for your undivided attention. Please pick up a complimentary gift basket of homemade noodles on your way out.
That's good eatin!

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Things have been happening so much in my world lately, I don't know where to begin.
As you all know, I came home from camping several days ago. Since then my emotional state has been very tumultous. Camping is strange; when you take away the distractions of electronics and the rambunctious hyjinks of our Crew, you are left with nothing but your own thoughts and Rummy. Now, rummy is a fun game, don't get me wrong, but it get's boring and then you have to think. It's pretty rough.
So, after being forced to create chemical and electronic reactions in certain naturally subsidized areas of the gray tissue that has remained dormant so long within the mass of fused bone and nerve endings that constitutes my massive skull (or "think", to the layman), I have become kind of detached, and feel kinda squiggly. I don't know if "squiggly" makes sense to anyone else as a description of my current state, but you can rest assured that in some way it is accurate.
Then my Family life is all topsy turvy and awesome. More on that later.

I don't know man, I just don't know.

It is so amazing to me, how much I love Jethro Tull. I was brought to the brink of Manly Tears earlier, listening to "One White Duck on Your Wall" (I got too lazy to try and write the actual title, sorry fellas). I don't know why that song is so awesome to me, and I don't think I ever shall! From here on out though, it has replaced Pantene Pro-V as my shampoo of choice. It gives me more bounce.

It is the unfortunate lot in the inarticulate individual's life to be often put in a category in which he does not fit. You have to make allowances, though, because no one will ever truly know anyone else. At least, as far as my experience has led me to believe. Perhaps someday that will change, when we are all replaced with sentient twenty-pound blocks of plutonium. Eventually we will all melt together and become a single mass of Plutonium Entity, and together we shall be Man.

This blog update no longer holds my attention. I had stuff to talk about but it seems to have seeped out of my ears and onto my shirt. I have to go do a load of laundry.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Hello! I'm home! And, as I am sure you are aware, made of bricks. See, it is the custom while you are camping to replace your organs and muscle tissue with bricks, don't ask me why, then on your way out you are supposed to be able to pick your flesh back up, but apparently mine got lost in the midst of some enormous duck-feeding skirmish (many bothons died to bring me that information, if you were wondering). Long story short, I am now made of bricks.
The Decaf Zombies, they have forgotten how to love!

So how was everyone's week without me? Better than usual, I assume.
Damn, I had all this stuff I was gonna write, but now I don't feel like it any longer. HUZAH!
So y'all leave me some messages, y'all be like you wanna and I'll be like I wanna too, and we can all live together on the Battlestar Galactigroovy.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Hey hey everybody. Today is the final day of my newly acquired freedom, for I have to go camping with my family for this week. They didn't tell me about it till like two days ago. Woo-hoo! Eh, I'll do some comics and stuff with the incredible large amount of free time I'll have up dea'. Maybe something postworthy, who knows?

Anyway, no more blog updates till friday night. I know, it's hard, but it's something we all have to deal with.

I'm really sleepy, I just at a giant piece of apple pie and two bowls of cereal, that kind of meal is like a soporific, I'm half-asleep now. I never actually Eat apple pie, I pick the top off with my fork, eat all the apples, and then eat the crust individually. You could just gimme some bread and a baked apple, it would essentially be the same thing.
Nine Mile High Apple Pie!

Anyway, that's all you are getting for the week. Y'all have a fun time, while I ROUGH IT. In my giant tent with my large air mattress and gameboy. Jeez, Camping is so Hard.
Heh heh. Take care ladies and co-existents.

I love how we always get so exuberant with our packing during the night before we go camping that we pack away almost all of our shower/bathroom stuff, and then the next morning, when you are taking your last shower in the civilized free world, you cannot go through your routine to get entirely clean. It's like and introduction to camping, might as well start feeling grimy Now, get a jump on all the discomfort you'll feel during the rest of the week. Bah. Seey'all friday.


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