The Obscure

hey everybody, I got my permit the other day! I thought that was pretty great. I just got back from tim's house, which followed a day of madness and delight. I saw kelly yesterday, too, which is rare. Her online thingy won't work or something, so I hadn't spoken to her in weeks other than yesterday. I have to finish her comic by next week, I promised. haha, tim thought it was really funny that not only is it ALMOST christmas again, which would have been funny, I must have done like 200 comics in the past 9 months. I must have filled like 4 notebooks haha. make sense of that! I also have to finish taylor's graphic, and I agreed to do a graphic for my friend kevin, which shouldn't be to hard provided he give me the specifications, and his paintball club actually starts up. well I'm gonna go look for my string cheese incident thingy, seeya!

hey everybody, I'm preparing to take my permit test. from what I've heard it should be easy but I'm studying up anyway. After that I am going to lauren's house for most of the day, and then coming home and taylor s spending the night here. Yes, I feel like an ass for leaving taylor at ryan's house and stuff for the better part of the day, but this is the day lauren can do stuff! I have little choice! *sigh* I'm not a good person. So I slept over tims house last night, I was kind of energetic so I wrote some songs on his guitar (wrote being a figurative word, I don't know how to play guitar nor sing, but I strummed alot and made up words that I've now forgotten.) I think I made three or four songs, and I jammed for a while (haha) one song was about a fan, and one song was about...a watch, and another song was about the stupid local bands at my school who like to fake emotions and corky antics because they think that being depressed but funny is cool. God how I loathe them. Tim burned me frank zappa's "one size fits all" it's truly a magnificient, and very strange, album. I always marvel at zappas lack of drug usage. The man never used a drug! and his music was better, odder, and more stream of consiousness-ey, than any habitual acid user whom we love from the 60's and 70's. seriously, he doubled the effect they tried for without dropping once, without ever lighting up or anything! yeah, well I have to take a shower. Cyall later!

hey, this is something that's in my notebook, I guess I must have written it last night but I barely remember it. I was very depressed for reasons I can't understand, here goes, pardon some of the language.

"I am my own vision of hell
I am the great pretender
I have no true self
F*cking lies and deceptions
Are all I know
I am spinning evil
Chilling that which is good
To the bone
Hurling biting flies at them in spite
I am a donkey
Braying in the distance
I am yellow water
Savior to some, death to others
My roots undermining all humanity.
I am the source of rot and stink
Decay and pain spurt from my mind.

I am a torrent of hideous power.
I pass over your homes like cold, steely wind
Destroying life as I pass,
Leaving behind only disgusting blurry absurdities.

Give up all hope, you followers of Lies, you will burn with me on the day of revelation
and your children will MOCK YOU."

yep, I was in a bad way. I'm all set now though, listening to the dead, weeee! I'm out guys, cya

Hello, um, I don't got alot to say, I can't really tell what my tummy is saying right now. My tummy really dictates my life. my physical tummy is hungry, but I don't want to eat. It's one of those times when you need some sort of pain to remind you that you're alive. so I'm not eating, I'm going to let my stomach eat itself, and tomorrow morning I will wake up refreshed and new. if you ever feel like killing a few hours, watch a sunbeam. Seeing a sunbeam move is a new addon to my list of joys. I have about 10 things in which I take an almost divine joy, that is now one of them. I'm going to write out my list now, ten was approxiamate..

Seeing a sunbeam moving
Drying off with a warm towel
Falling asleep holding lauren
Laughing with my friends, preferably late at night, fueled by caffiene
Early morning coffee, by myself with a book and Coltrane in the background
Drawing something I love, and hiding it
Writing my feelings, and then rereading them almost obsessively
Physically beating someone up (yeah I know, I never really do it)
Making my mom laugh
Beating the hardest boss in a game, on your third try. THIRD!
and of course, last but not least, watching a movie or reading a book so good that you are pacing your room, PACING YOUR ROOM, with excitement about it. If you haven't done that, you haven't lived dammit.

That is my list, I hope you enjoyed it. Remembering my joys has brought me joy, and I no longer need to starve myself tonight. I'm going to make some hotdogs, booyah grandma, give me some love, sugah!

Hey everybody, how are you all? I hope well. Lauren is getting surgery tomorrow, so pray for her if you pray, and wish her well if you don't. Also, um, my sister maria, if you know the score with her, I assume most of you do, she is having more trouble with her pregnancy, the baby isn't growing. It's alive and healthy it's just not growing, and if this keeps up this way, they are going to have to do a c-section on the 25th week. Pray for her, she's already lost one, another one will be too much to handle. but yes. other than that, all is cool on the whole "life" thing. well, I dunno, I'm not much liking this whole having to exist ordeal, I'd much rather I didn't have to, but that's just me. My stupid pukey gay computer is going to kick me off in five minutes so I'd best finish this off quick. I don't get why people can be thankful to god for giving them life, as far as I can see it is nothing but rejection, pain, and misery. Thank god that he gave us love to helps us through, maybe, but that's like giving a man on fire a slice of cantaloupe. G'bye everyone, have a nice evening.

Hey everyone, lauren is making me update haha. Oh well, she can tell me what to do I don't mind. Yeah, so ryan gave me three years of PS1 demos and a couple PS2 ones, and is now burning me american beauty. Major props to him, he's a great fella. and last night was leah's party thing, It's really no fun that she has to move it's really quite depressing, so I figured we should just be jovial while we could, and I think everyone else had the same Idea. I'm a little sleepy, cause I went over tims house last night and didn't have any coffee this morning, which is no fun. Oh yeah, just as a side note, lauren looked positively Stunning last night, everyone applaud it was great, haha. yeah but I really don't have much else to say, I'm going to the doctor's come september, and I'm planning on going back to karate then too, so that's cool. welp, cyall later!

I'm gonna post something that is the equivalent of a crazy night writing, but it was actually done at about 3:30 at ryan's house haha..here goes, bear with me.

"I am feeling some inscrutable emotions, and being as the nature of something 'inscrutable' is difficult to determine, I don't have a clue as to what I should do about it. I had a dream last night, where all the lies and pretendings in my life were torn away, and I was confronted by them all, one by one. There is something about getting a taste of total exposure that can wound you more than a slap in the face from your love. It's hard to accept reality after such a proverbial beating. So this is the question I have come to know, but predict no answer to it. Are your lies and pretensions what you want, what you need? Or are you just scared of people knowing the true goodness inside? The problem with with covering up your tenderness is the same as with all sweet things, it will rot and congeal. Soon the only thing you can do is throw it away, or burn it.

JC."

Yeah. So I went to lauren's house yesterday, and as I was telling her why I was feeling down and stuff which was essentially that writing, I almost cried. I have little strife in my life, I know it, but a bird's eye view of it can make a mountain out of a molehill, and it hurts just as bad even if it's not real. G'bye.

hey guys, whatcha up to? I don't really have anything to post. I think I'm going to start the rought draft of a graphic novel I've been wanting to do for a while. because I pretty much have a full studio now. I love cartooning so freaking much, I mean think about it, you combine humour, artwork, and literature. It's a dynamic combination, it's all the things I want! I want to try to paint more, get acquainted with doing potraits and stuff, because even though I prefer a cartoony look I think that knowing things about "finer" art and stuff would give me a foothold for all the drawing and stuff I'm gonna do. You know? and I was thinking, I like the idea of playing music, (although all I can do is keep time) and I like the idea of programming (even though most of what I've learned has now been forgotten), but the only thing I can see myself doing all my life is making cartoons. It's really my only fulltime aspiration. And even at that, there is things, like I love the idea of having a webcomic, I really do and I intensely appreciate how dave is helping me out with that and stuff, but what I really want to do is put some work into it, and try some innovation and stuff with a comic book, and see if I can't get it released, understand? I want to...create, something. Musicians have their art, writers have theirs, and well...so do I, and it's freaking doodles haha. But I love them, and even if I go to art school like I plan to, and learn to do legitamate art better (if not at all) I'm always, ALWAYS going to want to do cartooning, there is something so awesome about it, that I can't find in anything else. And when people are condescending about that it makes me mad, it's not like cartoonists can't do "fine" art, or anything (well actually with some that is true), but for the most part they just choose to do cartoons. Seriously, look at dr. suess' secret paintings, see some of robert crumbs' more hearfelt paintings and sketches and murals, and respect that, they have combined writing and satire and artwork in a way that most can't appreciate for what it is, and it's saddening. That's it, I'm done, cya'll later!

P.S. Yes I know I suck at drawing and stuff, but most of what I show people is halfassed, and someday I'll put something good together, never you worry.

Hey everybody, I'm back from camping. I've missed you all dearly. It seems that a couple minutes after I got back, ryan and taylor left for the weekend so I didn't get to see them, much to my chagrin. I get to see lauren tomorrow though, hooray! I missed her so much, it was terrible. I got alot of writing and drawing done while I was away though, here is one thing I wrote that I was rather partial to, bear with me.

If I had one wish
I would wish to be a tree
Lying Dormantly
Sleeping Quietly
Away from Men
Forever.

You could be a bird
Come to visit me
Or better yet
Become a fungus
And thrive on my
Nutrients.

Grow on my bark
Till us two, become one
ALways loving
Co-Existing
Co-dependent
We live in peace.

Yeah that's something I wrote, I kinda liked it. I tried to pick something that wasn't too pompous, maybe I failed, who knows? what know I from writing, eh? haha, welp, that's about it, I'm gonna go now, cyall later!

OK, I'm not a huge beatles fan, I know that, because I don't know alot about them. It's really quite obvious, but I've been listening to them alot lately anyway, and I am very saddened that I hadn't pursued them earlier in my life. I used to think they were the equivelant of a boy band, just 40 years ago. So let me just say this, this song, moves me. It comforts me in a way that few songs can touch. I don't know the reasons behind it, I just know that my connotation of what it says helps me alot with my anxieties and paranoia. Check it, one of my now favorite songs of all time: Let It Be-The Beatles



Let It Be
Writer, lead vocal: Paul McCartney


When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

Click Here for a new-ish comic, it's actually a remake of one I gave taylor. I drew it once over with a pen, so it's not the best quality, but it was all in one go and no erasing or anything, so enjoy.

Hey hey all! You can comment on my updates now! hooray! Major props to leah, she is now the coolest person in the world! haha, everyone who reads this is obligated to comment on this post. OR DIE!! if you have any arguments...put them in the comment section. HA!