The Obscure

Welcome, one and all, to the incongruent ravings of an inferior mind!

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Hey everybody. I just got off the phone after a nice session of offending and irritating the woman I love. Now I'm watching tim play super mario bros. and listening to phish with an ice pack on my groin and a half full cup of ginger ale in my hand. I tell you I'm bloody sick of things. I dunno if it's the pain-pills in my blood or the hairless condition of my pelvis but I do know this one thing for sure; if I am to make a new year's resolution, it will be to lose all this damn flab! Honestly, look at me! I'm a bohemoth. Seriously though, I think my new years resolution is to try and pass the eleventh grade. My mom was talking to me about staying home for a full month, as a trial period for home-schooling. See my mother was going to have to get my school work given to me from school to do at home, and then she was going to drive it back in and get my grades for it, so it would be like just doing all my work at home, you know? If we could do something like this on a permanent basis, and if it actually worked, then maybe I might be able to pass class and actually graduate. On the other hand, I would miss the library, and my friends at school (the few I do have) and some of my classes are alright, and a select few are even borderline enjoyable, although they would be a whole lot more enjoyable if there weren't all the stupid kids I despise in there. If it was just the kids I liked (the three or four), the teachers, and myself, I think I'd have an ok GPA. Ah well, can't cry over a torched dna sample, as they say. I can't wait till I get to shower tomorrow morning. I'm all smelly and unshaven now, Lauren told me not to shave, and then promptly made it ambigious as to whether or not she actually wanted me to shave. It's like it isn't fun for her unless she leaves me horrible confused; and of course she still reserves the right to be mad or sad if I don't follow her inscrutable wishes.

Man, Tim really sucks at super mario brothers. That is to say he is pretty good; he keeps on playing till he has like 98% of it beaten and then the cartridge deletes his game. It was funny the first time for both of us, but I think now I am pretty much the sole benefactor from the situation's obvious humor.

Well, I tire of this blathering. I'm going to sit here and watch Tim play this game until I grow bored enough to post another one of these proverbial piles of pig dung. Happy New Years.

Hey hey all, I borrowed my aunts laptop and hooked it up to the dsl modem we got for christmas, so now I can go online from my bedroom couch. It's pretty sweet, you see sitting on the chair in my computer room hurt my incision a lot, so it's a lot better to do it in here. I'd like to thank all my friends for their sympathy and help through this painful coupla weeks. Namely Taylor and Tim, they have been helping me do things that I can't do with all my hurting...ness. woozbaptoobappa. Ryan lent me the simpson's third season on dvd and the futurama first season on dvd.

I need to get another ice pack. I've been using these packs of peas and lime beans, just alternating them. The problem is, more and more water is melting out of them so they stay cold for less and less time. My mom made me two icepacks out of plastic bags filled with alcohol, so it should be like squishy and really cold so I don't have big blocks of ice on my belly, that would kinda hurt. You know, on my incision and all. Anyway, I love you all, I guess I can update more now because I've got a laptop in my room and such. It's just hard for me to type on here because my fingers aren't used to this strange keyboard. Welp, g'day!

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Hey everyone. I had surgery today. The pain is horrible to deal with haha, they gave me percoset and I took one of those and two napoxen which made it so I can lie down comfortably but really nothing else, it aches sitting in this chair like this. I seriously think I'm going to miss at least two weeks of school, because this is just not workable. If I am even in a third of this discomfort I am not going to class, I don't care what anyone says. I haven't puked at all though, and it seems like I'm not gonna. Well, I guess I'll leave you all with that. G'day!

Monday, December 29, 2003

Hey everybody. I woke up with a blinding headache this morning, and then I vomited. So...My plans for the evening are, I think, dashed to pieces. And also, I think we are going to have to postpone the surgery I was going to have tomorrow. So that kinda sucks. My dad said that My headache could just be a tension headache though, cause those can cause nausea and stuff, so that might explain the vomiting. I feel a lot better now too, I dunno. Anywho, cyall later.

Sunday, December 28, 2003

1. What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others? Eyes, all the way. Plus, if a nose looks like it should be poked, I like to poke it.
2. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president? Hell no, they'd screw up everything! Dogs would tapdance, cats would sail in giant oceans of butter! It would be madness!! To be honest though I doubt I would, just because all of the women I know about who are in politics irritate me, don't ask me why.
3. Would you marry for money? Probably, depending on how much money and how hot the wife was, and whether or not a rich hot woman would marry me.
4. Have you had braces? Not once!
5. Do you pluck your eyebrows? Not that I know of, but I may at night when I'm not paying attention.
6. Do you ever cut or hurt yourself? I hurt myself all the time, accidentally.
7. When was the last time you had a hickey? Uh...
8. Could you live without a computer? yeah I guess, it wouldn't be uber-fun though.
9. Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list etc...? AIM haha.
10. If so, how many people are on your list(s)? 50
11. If you could live in any past time period, which would it be? I dunno, maybe pirate days, I would like to be a pirate, I dunno if I'd be a good pirate though, we'd have to see. Also, cowboys are cool.
12. Do you drink enough water? I don't drink water on a consistent basis, most of the water I ge permeates through my skin when I shower.
13. Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off? wear them, sometimes I wear slipper things though.
14. What is your favorite fruit? Kiwi!
15. Do you eat wheat bread or white? Potato bread all the way baby.
16. What is your favorite place to visit? a convenience store mens room.
17. What is the last movie you saw? Pirates of the Carribean. ( stupid, stupid people)
18. Do you kiss on the first date? I dunno, I'm usually drunk.
19. Are you photogenic? Hell no, it's the bad skin that does it, the camera flash just reflects of my grease and burns out the eyes of all who look on me.
20. Do you dream in color or black and white? color I think, but people say you CAN'T dream in color. And that's kinda gay.
21. Are you wearing fingernail polish? Why would I wear fingernail polish?
23. Do you have any dimples? I think I might, but I dunno.
24. Do you remember being born? No, I remember watching ER when a baby was born though, it may have been me, I dunno.
25. Why do you take surveys? I only take them when I new one pops up on kelly's site or something.
26. Do you drink alcohol? Not at all.
27. Did you like high school? Meh, I don't LIKE it, but I don't necessarily hate it, if it weren't for the grading thing.
28. What is the most beautiful language? French sucks, and anyone who like sit sucks, AND anyone of french descent sucks, and that includes stupid french-canadian gimps like kelly. Latin is nice though.
29. When you are asleep do you like being kissed awake? It seems like there would be too much morning breath involved to like it.
30. Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most? Sunsets, sunrises make me sleepy.
31. Do you want to live to be 100? Sho, I dont really care.
32. Do you think women should be expected to shave their body hair? Nah, I want them all gross and furry (and I get them all gross and furry! YES!)
33. Do you like salty food or sugary food the most? salty, well I actually like spicy, but whatever.
34. Is a flat stomach important to you? Nope, someone usually can't have a nice stomach AND a nice booty, and well...I prefer booty.
35. Do you or have you played with a ouija board? Never, and I never will.
36. Are you loyal? I do my best to be loyal, but I can't really think of a time when disloyalty has been presented as an alternative so I may have been disloyal a whole lot and not have known it.
37. Are you tolerant of other people's beliefs? I try to be, but most of the time they just annoy me so I don't talk to them.
38. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? Usually on, if they are off I trip on things and die.
39. Do you believe in magic? The card game?
40. Do you have nightmares frequently? Yeah, pretty frequently. I had an effed up dream last night, I was a prince and my father was a king, right, and we were going to have a battle and I wanted to go (for some reason) but he kept on not wanting me to go. So I was gonna sneak on, and I grabbed my sword and stuff, and walked up to the truck where we kept all the horses haha. I opened the door to the truck and saw a whole bunch of horses and was about to take one but my mom called me to talk about something that I don't remember. SO when I got back to the truck AGAIN the only things they had left was a sheep a dog and a lynx, and I couldn't very well ride those. So I just ran to the battle and when I got there my dad was fighting this guy, so I tackled the guy and started punching him in the face and he was just laughing at me and saying, "what are you doing? trying to wake me up?" and all the other warriors were laughing at me and I was very embarassed at my weakness. What a horrible dream.
41. Do you like your nose? Nope, but then I again, I DO own lauren's nose, and I like that.
42. Do you like abstract art? Sometimes, sometimes it get's to abstract or the artist is all pretentious and then I hate it.
43. Do you think you can draw well? Nah, I can doodle ok.
44. Do you listen to music daily? Without Fail!
45. Do you like to watch cartoons? I love to, the majority of shows I watch are cartoons.
46. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real? My parents never deluded me with the lie that was santa claus
47. How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet? I don't own a closet, I have 6 pairs of shoes though. I only wear two.
48. Do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like a variety? I wear my sneakers outside the house, and moccasins inside the house.
49. Do you write poetry? Nah, not really. Just little rants.
50. Do you snore? Yes, very loudly.
51. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides? Pretty much always on my stomach, I just can't fall asleep otherwise, unless I am very very tired.
52. Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? Poodles suck and you suck.
53. Do you lick stamps? If you replace stamps with trees, then yes.
54. Do you use an electric can opener? I use a rock and a wooden nail.
55. Have you ridden in a hot air balloon? No, and I probably wouldn't want to.
56. Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? I think that as much as people say emotional pain hurts more, I think that there are levels of physical pain that emotional pain could not touch sace seperation from righteousness.
57. Do you think balding men should shave their heads? I don't care, who am I to tell people what or what not to shave.
58. Do you know anyone who is clinically depressed? Yeah, a couple.
59. Do you prefer a piano or a violin? I dunno, I would prefer PLAYING violin, but listening would be the piano.
60. Are you a sex addict? Lauren is....Nympho.
61. Do you know someone who has cancer? I've known many through my life.
63. Do you hunt? I haven't
64. Do you like fast food, or expensive restaurants? fast food all the way baby.
65. Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? I prefer the art museum, zoos smell bad.
66. Do you have a middle name? yeeeeeeeepp
68. Are you tired? Very.
69. Did you drink anything with caffeine in it today? No, not yet.
70. Have you ever met anyone off the internet? I couple of people, actually. Not like I just up and talked to somebody online and met them, but there are a lot who I have talked to online before ever seeing.
71. How many phones do you have in your house? Two.
72. How long is your hair? A little bit past my shoulders I guess.
73. Do you get along with your parents? Every day!
74. What color of eyes do you prefer? I dunno, I can't even tell what color lauren's are. They look like a flower. They really do look like a daisy or something you guys have to check it out.
75. Are you a virgin? Uh...Yeeeeeeeeeeeeess
76. What medications do you take? I take naproxen a lot, but that's self medication it's not like prescribed. except I can't take it now so I get huge headaches a lot *shakes fist*
77. What does your bedroom look like? Right now? A complete and utter MESS! *begins to cry*

Saturday, December 27, 2003

Hey y'all. I just got back from laurens house, fun times all around. My shirt smells like her apply-spray now. CURSE THAT SPRAY!! Also my head neck and knees hurt, so that's cool.... Jeez I can't think of anything to say at all. I really should stop putting up these mundane and pointless posts. I've got "redemption song" stuck in my head, except I don't know any of the words other than the chorus.

My hands are burning with a desire to touch, my brain is melting out of a habit I picked up in the war. The fabled war of yore, not mine but your fabled war of fabled yore. Your war of yore was quite a bore, the war of yore was kept in store for those who weren't afraid of gore and bloody cuts and bruises and of course dread emaciations brought upon by dread starvation and other twisted delights from the Prince of the macabre scenario. I fear to stand, I'm scared to sit, I (me, myself) am in quit a snit; because no matter whether I stand or sit, my bowels always squirt out shit on the head of the god I once did worship and now have befouled again and again. This perpetual motion of my nether-regions causes me to loathe and despise those who claim that we, man, as a whole, are a result of following the best possible course; the very idea of it is preposterous, nothing so inconvenient and flawed could be created by something as perfectionist as nature, nay, we could be ONLY the work of One Mind, with the human tendancy to overcomplicate and over simplify in such a misproportionate and inefficient manner resulting in a potent, permanent, more-over quite irreversible condition of Death in mankind and animal kind alike, not to mention the abundant plant life which is of course also doomed to die along with the fanciful creatures who fought in the war of yore, who never before were classified by any feeble minds of Men, and that chapter being closed to us, Never Will.

Friday, December 26, 2003

Hey hey all, it's the day after christmas, time to go back to our miserable lives again. At least my life will now be less miserable for the DSL, three games, and espresso machine. Speaking of which, I'm going to go make a cappucino. Happy Christmas Aftermath everyone!

Former President.....!

Thursday, December 25, 2003

Guys! I'm on DSL now! My Email is "" and my sn is forever "Jimmy Joms"


Merry Christmas everyone! I put a christmas comic up on the site, if you can spot the typo, I'll give you a lemon. My Parents got me a espresso/Cappucino machine, and I've made a cappucino for everyone in my family, well except maria and them, they aren't here yet. Also I got prince of persia (yes!) and "the idiot" by fyodor dostoevsky. and a stuffed puppy haha, and...oh my dad got me a giant smoked sausage haha, I wasn't expecting it but it's all good. Another cool thing that happened was my grandparents bought us DSL and paid for a couple of months of it. The only problem is when we went to install it, out computer didn't meet the system requirements haha. We only have 32mb of Ram, the minimum is 64mb haha.

I'm all out of cash haha, I've drawn two people presents. I'm giving the engleys (family) a spoof-poem of "twas the night before christmas" about a stripper. haha, I thought it was clever. I tell you man, nothing reminds you of what a cheap-ass lazy guy you are than christmas, because everyone who ISN'T lazy and actually works more than half an hour a day (5 days a week) buys me nice presents and I draw them pictures or write a little lymiric with a background doodle. I tell ye'...I'm a loser.

I'm kinda looking forward to all the free time I'll have after my surgery, you know once the blinding pain goes away. I'll play some games and all, and I've got a lot of books on my plate that I haven't read yet at all, so that'll be cool. Better than school anyway. My one complaint is I'm gonna have to stay in on new years, and I probably won't be able to even have lauren over because Her parent's won't be able to drive for fear of drunks (makes sense) and she isn't allowed to sleep over my house (also makes sense... *sigh*). So I guess It's solo party at john's for that haha. Maybe Taylor'll be able to come over or Tim or Ryan, or all of them, Or only two...Or One at a time, or someone else for that matter I don't care it's a party! haha, I've gotta go now, See y'all later.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Hey everybody, in case you didn't see it, I have a new comic up on dance with the devil. Man I got the poster lauren bought me for christmas up, It's a big grateful dead one, it's awesome. I'm listening to them right now, and this song is effed up. It's just like them playing a really lose tune and Jerry Garcia doing something that sounds like making up lyrics, but he may just be high. psh, may.

Hey sorry about how I never update the comic site guys, But I've been drawing so much lately that I'm kind of in the mood for it, and I've been in the zone and all. I'm gonna be kind of a shut in while I'm all cut up next week (and on painkillers!) so maybe I'll get some good comics out, from boredom. I definately will. anywho, I'll see y'all later.

Sunday, December 21, 2003

1) If you could eat one person who would they be? Jenna Jameson. Not on innuendo, I actually want to devour her flesh.
2) Who's the sexiest man in hollywood? Mel Gibson, DUH!
3) Which coldcut is the most sensual? I like to staple two slices of ham together, and slather them with mayonnaise and... well I won't get into it.
4) Inner ear infections, athlete's foot, or Ghangis Khan? Psh. What kind of question is that? The answer is obviously the square root of kicking your ass.
5) Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was having sex with the road-cross-o-bot
6) Come out with one secret right now that most people don't know about you: I have a birthmark in the shape of a 5-headed turky on my ass.
7) Are you attracted to women? ...Yes, I think. Or am I really? So many questions!
8) Would you name your kid Fallopian Tube for a million dollars? I'd name my kid fallopian tube for a sandwich, I love german monks!
9) Who shot Alexander Hamilton? I did, but it was out of self defense.
10) Would you rather take out or eat out? I love to Eat Out *wink*

And one more...

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? John Paul Colon
2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? They are raggedy kinda greyed jeans
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The Grateful dead, bo'
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? Pretty warm considering...
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Lauren and Teddy, and this little guy Shane.
10. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? I got it from kelly's no.
11. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I'm alright, I get to see Lauren today! Wee!!
12. FAVORITE DRINK? Fresca baby, you can all go to hell.
13. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? I like Rum, I think. That's only cause I've smelled it and one time when I was younger I dipped my finger in some that we had for cooking and tried it and it was Ok. But I never want to drink, I've seen to many lives ravaged by that. GO PACKERS!!
14. FAVORITE SPORT? uh.. Eating...Pancakes...
15. HAIR COLOR? Dark Brown
16. EYE COLOR? brown with a little green. I'm never going to forget that greenish-ness.
17. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I hate all people who wear contacts...EVER!
18. Siblings? Two sisters. Hooray for sisters!
19. FAVORITE MONTH? August, it's just hot in august, I like it.
20. FAVORITE FOOD? I like good steak, like some good quality london broil I think is my favorite food.
21. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? We watched Tommy Boy in english class yesterday haha.
22. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Hm...I like Lauren's Birthday a lot, but I dunno if that'll hold up, I've only seen one.
23. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Oh No! If I like somebody that way I ask them out in seconds, I tell them what's what right away. (haha, that's funny because it's the exact opposite. Or 'ossopite' as I like to say.)
24. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer ahoy!
25. HUGS OR KISSES? I just like to hug someone with my lips. Like, just wrap my ghetto lips around a girls entire body, like some kind of Love Sleeping Bag. I'm the love camper!
26. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Well, we all know how much of a slut kelly is. Ha... No I like relationships better, it gives you more things to try out. *wink* ha... I'm so lonely.
28. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? they can't write back...this is a blog. Stupid.
29. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? That dirty jew. *shakes fist*
30. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? That dirty... Tim. *shakes fist*
31. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? I live with my sister lena and my parents and two kitties!
32. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? I'm currently reading "Cancer Ward" By Alexander Solzhenitsyn. Awesome novel.
33. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? a mouse period. Ha... that was gross.
34. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Chess, or scrabble.
35. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Ooooh I'll never tell! *covers up mouth with hand*
36. FAVORITE SMELLS? Lauren's hypnotic apple stuff. And "Nak Chamba" <-incense
37. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE? I can touch YOUR tongue with my tongue. HA!
38. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? Books that I've read. and songs.
39. PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN? Crazy kettle corn. Lauren tricked me into liking it.
40. FAVORITE CAR? Taylor's Face! HA!
41. FAVORITE FLOWER? Um...the budding flower of a young woman of my fancy. (I like her better when her legs bloom. HIYO!)
42. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? like six, and two are mine.
43. CAN YOU JUGGLE? nope, I lack all motor skills.
44. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? Anyday but goddamn stupid mother-lovin tuesday.
45. RED OR WHITE WINE? I like red wine, is that bad? WELL SHUT UP!!
46. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? Punched kelly right in her gimp face!
47. DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD? No, I was playing xenosaga and this guy in it "ziggurat 8" (ziggy for short) was a donor just because he wanted to die for a reason. and he was suicidal in life and then he died, and because he was a donor they took his body and turned him into a cyborg and made it so he can't kill himself or die on purpose, so he's been alive for like 1000 years and he can never die as much as he wants to, and he keeps on applying for really deadly mission but beating them because he is so good and he isn't allowed to fail because of his programming. No, I'll never be a cyborg, NOT JOHN COLON!!!
48. LIFETIME GOALS? Get a book or graphic novel published, and have two kids (at least)

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Dude, two scoops of espresso coffee, In your coffee maker (not espresso maker) and with the water filled up to 2 cups. Best cup of coffee I've had in a long time. It tastes kinda greasy but it's not as greasy as the stove-top kind my dad makes sometimes. I reccomend it, I really do. Yeah that's about it; Tune in next week for the NO LIFE COFFEE BREWING HOUR!!!

Friday, December 19, 2003

Hey slicies. How's it hanging? It's come to my attention that over the past couple-a weeks a lot of people have suffered tremendous family losses. I know there is really no point to adding my condolences to the list of them already made, but I'm going to anyway. I love you Leah, I love you Jeff, I'll be praying for both of you, and your families. (If my prayers are welcome, that is.) Always keep it going, guys.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Merry soon to be christmas everyone!! I dunno what this thing here is all about, getting in the christmas spirit I guess. I'm out fellas, gotta decorate our tree!

Ah! My guests have arrived. Take a seat, my dears, and listen to my tale of woe...

It began early on a Saturday morning, a long time ago, I awoke quite early and I fancied a walk would do me good. I took a quick shower just to get the grime of sleep off of my body, searched briefly for my shoes and jacket, and set off! I was not quite off the stairs when I heard a low and raspy voice whisper to me.
"Happy holidays, stranger."
Quite startled, I whirled around to meet my well-wisher.
"Yes, Merry Christmas and Salutations!" I shouted cheerfully. He fell into a fit of coughing, and I took that chance to quickly observe the man. He was short, about a head and shoulders shorter than myself. His hair was thin and patchy, his face was gaunt and drawn. He looked very sickly, one of his eyes was in a perpetual squint, as if he were always scrutinizing or puzzling something out. His clothes were worn and tattered. His shoes patched and dirty. But most noticable was the cap he held in both hands. It was a bowler's cap, he held it like a bowl (a fitting manner for such a hat) and in it lay watches and bracelets and gems without number. I stared in awe at the hat, mouth agape. This man looked to be a vagabond, yet he had the wealth of a king!
He recovered and resumed his speech.
"My name is Porfiry Drukenovich." our obviously Russian man stated, "And I am here to offer you a bargain. " He added in his obviously Russian accent.
Me being the usually thrifty fellow I am, piqued at the thought of a bargain; it was quite obvious that I should pursue the idea, especially after viewing the contents of his hat.
"Go on." I said noncommittedly. It was not becoming of one to be seen bargaining with street vendors (if 'vendor' is not too polished a term for this particular Commie Bastard).
"My offer is a simple one. You perform the conditions of the bargain, and you will obtain any item of your choice that is held before me now."
I had begun to salivate before these words were even fully off of his blistered lips; without of course, letting on that I was inclined to agree to the conditions of the deal. The reason for this waste of oral enzymes was sitting atop the pile of treasures in Porfiry's derby. Not a ring or a bracelet or even a necklace, like most fated jewelries. No, this was a mystical, and apparently also magical, golden belt buckle.
"I see you fancy my belt buckle here. Yes, most of my customers choose that item at first, but they usually don't go through with the bargain. Also if by some chance they do go through with it, the warning I give them against the buckle hinders their choosing in any case. You see, this is no ordinary belt buckle.", As if I could not tell that the belt buckle was abnormal, it seemd to suck light towards it as if it were a gravitational pull, "This belt buckle contains tremendous power and worth, the power even to change time and space, change the very fabric of the universe! But with it comes a great and terrible curse, that will inevitably lead to the destruction of the bearer. I can tell you no more."
I thought about this briefly, of course I was intrigued; but the whole curse was kind of a downer. I opted to ask him was his conditions for this bargain was.
"Why it is only your left hand, good sir. Just give me your left hand and the buckle is yours, but you must remember, the buckle can only be owned by someone who has given up their left hand to own it. Once you have it, it is yours till you can convince someone to trade with you; and with it you can never die a natural death."
My left hand?! Surely to give it up would be madness. But on the other hand (every possible pun intended) I do not often use my left hand, save when opening chips or soda. Perhaps it would be worth it, after all, if the buckle truly did possess the powers he claimed, couldn't I just create a new hand when I was done? I decided it was worth it.
"It is a deal!", Porfiry cried in glee, drawing a bent and wicked dagger from beneath his cloak, "Be done with it!" With a quick hack he took my left hand down the nub. As he placed the dagger back though, I viewed his left hand, or rather lack thereof, and I knew I had made a mistake. The belt buckle flew from the hat to my right hand, I barely caught it and in the effort lost my balance. I fell to the ground, and from there I heard our most compassionate friend Porfiry's evil cackle.
"At last! I am free!"
Porfiry disapeared in a puff of smoke, "That was weird." I said, and, having forgotten myself for a moment, picked up the buckle and tried to put it on. It fell to the floor.
"What the hell?" I said, quite confused. I tried again to achieve the same disappointing result. Again and again I tried but I could not get the buckle to stay on, it was impossible without the use of my left hand. I could not manuever the mechanism with my useless nub! With horror I realized the curse of the buckle. Great power it contained, yes; but without the left hand to get it on, you are left with nothing but a hunk of metal. The moral is this, never bargain with a hobo.

But to the point of this visit; I've noticed you are a collector of belt buckles...

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

My mom got her hair cut and styled, it's really nice. It's red like it used to be when I was little, yay! anywho, that is all.

Monday, December 15, 2003

NEWSFLASH!! NEWSFLASH!! About a month ago I saw a episode of Forensic Files where this guy was gonna get his blood tested to see if he was the father of a thirteen year old's baby (he was of course the father). SO what he did was cut a little hole in each of his arms, and put these little tubes with some other guy's blood in them in the crook of his elbow. So they blamed someone else for it. He eventually got caught though, I think he got murdered or something and they found it in the autopsy. What if the Sadaam we caught did that, and his name is really Wholbenivalaska? Uh-oh, call up the UN

Hey hey all. I was feeling down a little while ago, but I took a shower and searched around for a while for this album (Jethro Tull-Stand Up. I bought a copy of it with a giftcard kelly gave me for christmas last year but I can't find the CD now, I have the case) and now I feel a lot better. My sister, though, she is in quite a funk. Pray for her everyone, if you pray, and wish her well if you don't.

I think I'm gonna draw that comic for the town observer now. And maybe I'll put it up on the site too, maybe not though, more on that later. I have to sketch out this comic first. See you all later.

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Hey everybody. I had an awesome day yesterday, me and lauren went to my aunt's christmas party. I love hanging out with my family, they are so funny. It's great to have lauren be a part of that, and they acccepted her right off the spot, just like at my grandparents' anniversary party. My cousin dan brought his girlfriend of one month (about). She doesn't look anything like I would have thought, but at least her name is easier to remember (it's Beth). His last girlfriend's name was Kali, and I couldn't remember that so I was calling her Simba. Yeah, I'm an idiot. Hey did you hear the news? They captured Saddam Hussein (sp?). Here's the cue for all the liberal assholes at my school to entirely change their views to go with the tide of everyone else haha. Seriously, I'm so sick of all the kids and their "Opinions"... You know they are just 'anti-war' because it's cool. Not people who are just casually against it and all, I mean the ones who can't think of anything better to do than attempt again and again to get in a political argument with a bunch of 11th graders who couldn't possibly care less about what they had to say about Bush and the "war" and whatnot. I just don't understand this whole 'the war isn't just' thing. I mean, there was horrible tyranny! We are fixing it, right? You'd think all the liberals would like that, we are wasting time and money in an attempt to help out someone who we have no right to interfere with; they should be in love with that idea, right? I bet they wouldn't mind us instigating government in there if we turned the country into socialists. Man, think about what an Arab country would do to US if it conquered us (somehow); it would slaughter every single man, and brainwash the children. They would rape and enslave every woman and they would become property. We aren't calling Iraq suddenly american territory are we? We aren't creating an empire. Personally I think this war is being as fair as possible while still being war; AND I think that it was not a question of whether or not we had the right to go in and change things there, it was whether or not we had the BALLS to try and take down a horrible tyrant who was abominating his people. Finito.

Friday, December 12, 2003

Doubtless someone would get on my case for not updating today or something, so I figured I would while I have time, in a few minutes I guess I'll go take a shower. I'm also putting a link up to my comic site, I think cassie wanted me to, I dunno. I always forget to update it though, if your lucky you'll get one comic a week; if that. Anywho, if you look down two posts you'll see a paragraph or two I wrote while under the influence of boredom and loneliness. I actually had a legitimate reason for writing that. You see, all of my friends have this deeply rooted strength that I myself could never copy. The foremost example of this is Taylor, if I were in his situation I wouldn't... well, I would lose my way. But you see, I wallow in Sin. The burden of temptations God created me with, it's too much. To test my mettle, I guess; but all I do is fail, and my soul is slowly decaying because of it.

On that happy note, I'm out fellas, see you later.

Thursday, December 11, 2003


I stand there on my battlefield. I stand their stock still in the midst of a great destruction. I cannot move, I cannot blink, I cannot breathe, I cannot think. I stand on this great and terrible battlefield in armor made of glass, it's on this field we're born; and we don't leave until we pass. I stand on this great and Glorious battlefield, with my comrades right and left. I see them fighting the demons, them struggling bravely against them. Sometimes one will win, sometimes they will lose, but they all fight. Me, I stand there. I stand poised like a mighty oak, I watch my friends with such strength and valor hold against their afflictions. Me, I'm a different sort. Me, I cannot move. Me, I cannot fight my demons, I've nothing to prove. You see my demons are on the inside, eating away at my guts. They cut at my very soul, destroy my will to trust.

I see my friends battle and see them every day grow more, but me I cannot battle; for I'm a gnarled tree with a rotten core.

The Doobie Brothers- Black Water

Well, I built me a raft and she's ready for floatin'
ol' Mississippi, she's callin' my name
Catfish are jumpin' that paddle wheel thumpin'
Black water keeps rollin' on past just the same

Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shinin' on me?
Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shinin' on me?
Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shinin' on me?
Yeah, keep on shinin' your light, gonna make every thing
Pretty mama, gonna make everything all right
And I ain't got no worries 'cause I ain't in no hurry at all

Well, if it rains, I don't care, don't make no difference to me
Just take that street car that's goin' up town
Yeah, I'd like to hear some funky Dixieland and dance a honky tonk,
and I'll be buyin' everybody drinks all round

CHORUS, followed by guitar/fiddle solos, then:

I'd like to hear some funky Dixieland, pretty momma come and take me
by the hand, by the hand, take me by the hand,
(I want to honky-tonk) (honky-tonk)
pretty momma, come and dance with your daddy all night long,
I'd like to... (honky-tonk) (with you all night long)

Ok, if you've heard this song and new what I was like, you would clearly understand why I love this song. I've been singing the funky dixieland part at the end for like a week.

Hey everyone, Lauren and cassie said, 'Update!' so I am refusing to. Nope, no updating here. This is merely a newsbrief telling you that I will not update and also relating to you the following: I'm sleepy, and my head hurts. You guys should all suck my brains out, it would be super fly! Welp, I've little else to say. I had a crazy poem thing in my brain all yesterday but I forgot to write it down, now I only remember the end, I'll have to salvage it when I get home tonight; maybe I'll post it or something I thought it was a pretty cool thing. Welp that is all, see you later folks!

Sunday, December 07, 2003


Tin soldiers and Nixon's coming, we're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming, four dead in Ohio.
Gotta get down to it, soldiers are cutting us down. Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her and found her dead on the ground?
How can you run when you know?

Gotta get down to it, soldiers are cutting us down. Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her and found her dead on the ground?
How can you run when you know?

Tin soldiers and Nixon's coming, we're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming, four dead in Ohio,
four dead in Ohio, four dead in Ohio, four dead in Ohio, how many more?
Four dead in Ohio, four dead in Ohio, four dead in Ohio, how many more?

Saturday, December 06, 2003

The Velvet Underground- Heroin

I don't know just where I'm going
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can
'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a spike into my vein
And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
When I'm rushing on my run
And I feel just like Jesus' son
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know
I have made the big decision
I'm gonna try to nullify my life
'Cause when the blood begins to flow
When it shoots up the dropper's neck
When I'm closing in on death
And you can't help me now, you guys
And all you sweet girls with all your sweet talk
You can all go take a walk
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know
I wish that I was born a thousand years ago
I wish that I'd sail the darkened seas
On a great big clipper ship
Going from this land here to that
In a sailor's suit and cap
Away from the big city
Where a man can not be free
Of all of the evils of this town
And of himself, and those around
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Heroin, be the death of me
Heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
Because a mainer to my vein
Leads to a center in my head
And then I'm better off and dead
Because when the smack begins to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the Jim-Jim's in this town
And all the politicians makin' crazy sounds
And everybody puttin' everybody else down
And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds
'Cause when the smack begins to flow
Then I really don't care anymore
Ah, when the heroin is in my blood
And that blood is in my head
Then thank God that I'm as good as dead
Then thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess I just don't know
And I guess I just don't know

I think I'm going to ask my parents to send me to a psychiatrist, I may not but I want to see if there is anyway to fix me, if I need fixing, and anyway to cope with my depressions. Leave me a comment with some advice folks.

P.S. Cassie, I didn't to offend you or anyone in any way on the group blog, I think you misconstrued what I was saying, I apologize.

Hey hey all, I'm at ryan's house. I just spent the night here with taylor and lauren, twas a good time. Hey if you are looking for an awesome song "Wooden Ships" by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. Man, my knuckles got really really dry from the... winter air and all, and they were so bad that my skin over my left pinky cracked open, it hurt so damn bad. So I coated my knuckles in "petroleum jelly" because that was the only freakin lotion or anything left in this house, the engleys took them all to Philly. Right, so I put it on and now I woke up this morning and my hands are like fixed. wee! Welp, I'm out, toodle-oo!

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Hey fellas, I just changed my links around a little, I hope you like.

Monday, December 01, 2003

Man...I'm a big ol' sick feeling kitty. I stayed home from school today, I've been doing that an awful lot. I've been doing it so much that my mum had a talk with me about whether or not I want to drop out. We've had that talk many times and every time we've explored every aspect of home-schooling and alternative high school and every time we have ended up with me just doing the next year and a half of school. And for about a week after each time school isn't so bad...and then it is bad again. so that's cool.

Vincent the fish
A stingy old dish
Went to a show
The sea monkey's swish!
To see them flip and glide
They hadn't a care
"What's this?" said the fish
On his way up the stair
"All of my marbles,
they simply aren't there!
This will not do,
No no it can't be.
Who has the gall
To steal marbles from me?"
Vincent the fish
He ranted and raved
All the kids knew him
And the kids, all just played
He foamed at the mouth
They laughed and were glad
As Vincent the fish
Went stark raving Mad.

I'm pretty sure I posted that before. But I don't care, it pretty much summarizes my mood right now. I am gonna go do..something; probably something unproductive. cya.


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