The Obscure

Hullo there, I'm at ryan's house and the atmosphere and mood I'm in are perfect to write stuff, so I'm gonna. Right now I am listening to cab calloway, minnie the moocher, YES!

Forgive me for writing such drivel, but I've nothing else to do with the useless brain I was born with. It has struck me on my repetative journeys that I am really one of the very few who actually care more about what they think than what others think. Every day I see people arranging their lives to fit the lives of those around them and it sickens me; not necessarily because I abhor their doing it, nay, because I see their actions mirrored in MY life.
You must understand, whomever takes time out of their schedules to read this, that when I complain about the state of "society" and "mankind" it is not to set myself ABOVE them. No it is complaining because I take part in this degrading activities. In fact there are times when I consider myself one of the main instigators of the depravity that flows free across our dead earth. Consider how far we have sunk (notice it is we and not 'they'), my sole source of entertainment is not prayer, religion, or even the artwork I claim to create. My life is essentially boredom and chit chat; when I've nothing else to do I go on the computer and talk to people for a while, and most of the time I don't necessarily want to I just do it for lack of anything else. My drawing table is a good FIVE FEET AWAY. But no I don't get any work done, I waste my life away from simple laziness.
Yes, though I am quite obviously the most guilty of being slothful, it is this very sloth that is leading mankind on the whole along the well-worn path to damnation. I am not one to preach, I know it and you know it, and like most of the animals with the audacity to walk on two legs across the tired world, we will not give up our vice. So I put the question to you, as I am pressed for time. Is it too late for us to give up our need for entropy? Must we as a single entity cling to Rot? Or should we just overlook our waste to save ourselves the pain? Yes that seems best, I'm to sleep. Goodnight folks.

Forgive me.

Ever had one of those times when your hair is wet but there is too much moisture in the air to dry it so all you can say is, "AH! MY BRAIN IS BROKEN!!"?

Ever had one of those times when your legs hurt like hell and you have to shit but there are people around so you can't make a twenty minute trip to the bathroom, and all you can do is think, "AH! MY BRAIN IS BROKEN!!"?

Have you EVER had one of those days when you are creative enough to draw or write any possible thing the human mind can come up with but you are too damn depressed to do ANYTHING about it so all you say is, "AH! MY BRAIN IS BROKEN!!"?

HAVE YOU IN YOUR LIFE EVER been so tired that no matter how much you sleep at night the next day you feel like staying home in bed with the lights off and your duke ellington cd on repeat in your cheap and efficient jap cd player, and all you have to say for yourself to your friends is, "AH! MY BRAIN IS BROKEN!!"?

Because let me tell you friends, it is NOTHING like this.

I'm not feeling great, I stayed home from school. My comics purely suck, I've found. I don't like how they look when I finish inking them, I'll have to work on that, I've been using a calligraphy pen lately and just inking the penciling straight up, I think I'm gonna put a lot of shadow into them and stuff, like have a lot of just dark patches in the frame, you know? I thought that would be pretty sharp, also I want some colored ink so bad! No, this isn't a horrible slang term for a black man (although I do want that too) I want some ink with...color, besides just black ink (there it is again!) so I can color the comics, I think if I take the pencilings I have, and color them and have a lot of shadow and stuff, they'll be looking pretty nice. but you have to take into account that well, I'm still 16, I'm still learning how to draw stuff, I mean, I'm not artistically inclined, all I have is just cause I practice ALL the time, if you wanna know how I'm really inclined, it's writing and math. and science, I dunno, if I tried I could do well academically, I know I could because I can do well on tests (I originally wrote 'testes' there) harry paratestes. haha. Anywho, "What power would be left to hell if it's prisoners could not dream of salvation?" that was a (not ver batim) quote from "sandman" which I remembered earlier when I was poopin, pretty strange eh? I feel inscrutable right now, I don't feel like I'm sad really, but I'm definately not happy, I'm just...there. This is what it's like to be fully awake for me. I feel ok physically (or I would, if I hadn't this cold) but mentally I'm just kinda...lukewarm. when I'm tired I'm either really cray messed up, depressed, or just purely creative. right now I think I'm left a husk of my former self. I can't see myself living another ten years. Not because I'm unhealthy (even though I am) but just that, well, if it weren't for lauren, and hanging around with my friends which doesn't actually happen a lot anymore, I'd have no clinging to life. Sure, I'd not kill myself, I lack the testicular fortitude to do that, but I would just stop trying altogether. I know you all think I already did stop trying, but I'm...still in school, you know? I still plan to go to college, but I'm always just a step away from dropping out and just living in my room eating wheat thins and living off of my parents till I die of a heart attack at 27. I'm sorry to pound out the same repetative bullshit you've all read on here (if you've read on here at all) a thousand times, But I'm stupid, I know I am, I have the potential to be smart, but my brain is always empty. I'm stupid, I have no goals in life, everything I've tried to do, I'm failing at. I started writing a book a month ago, I have maybe 5 pages written haha, every time I'm feeling particularly down I'll write a passage, it's supposed to be the writings of a mad man as he goes insane, I think...I think I'm qualified to write that. here is a poem dealy that will be on the first page of the book, if I ever finish it...

If you think you know what's what
And if you think that you know how
To answer all Man's eager questions
If this is so, tell me now
Then come and take a walk with me
A relaxing stroll down Madness Lane
And you wil think again, you'll see
Once you've seen, what once was sane.

I'm pretty sure I've posted that online before, But I don't remember doing it so what the hell, eh? that's the guys first entry in the book, in the second one it describes his house, and stuff. I dunno, He remains nameless the whole time, as it's in the first person. whatever man, I'm gonna go play FFVII. G'day.

Hey all , I just worked today, I ended up making a pitiful amount when compared to the amount I was going for, had I worked friday and saturday like I had planned I would have made enough for a gamecube, but I only worked today and made fourty bucks haha, and I had to give mum ten, so I got nothing. I'm starting work at the coffee shop this thursday I think though, I should make like 50 bucks a week of that, pretty small but better than nothing eh? I want to buy a game with my money but I don't know what game, maybe suikoden 3, I hear tell it's muy beuno, but I may not have the bling bling to support my yearning. AH well, I'm gonna go play FFVII now, farewell you sexy mamas.

So the lockin was last night, I hung around with lauren and taylor, being as they were the only people there who weren't mindmeltingly irritating. I love lockins, because they are the only times when, after things settle down with everybody, just purely enjoy lauren's company for a while. after the lockin I went home with tay-bo, we played some zelda and stuff, and then I went to sleep for "an hour before work" which ended up with me missing work and not making any money today at all. Maybe I won't get a gamecube haha. Taylor left to ryans while I was sleeping, and to tell me this him and ryan took a huge amount of tape and taped a note to my face hahaha. I woke up with some paper shoved deep in my ear and thought, "that crazy taylor." then I went to ryan's house, hung out for a bit with...hogan, tim, tay, becca, nathaniel, cassie, and of course ryan. although given the nature of their family, I also hung out with mr and mrs engley, because for some reason they have casual friendships with kids a third their age, which is cool for me cause they are wicked smart and intuitive and such. anywho, that's about it, I'm gonna go now y'all. G'night!

So this is cool, the restrictions my parents like to put on my internet, have gotten so outrageous that I can't even see my own site anymore, I can only post to it, so I dunno if I'll be able to read any comments you guys leave, even though lauren's the main one who does that, and I already know what she has to say *sigh*. Yeah, if you wanna read how my weekend was, go to lauren's site haha, she's got it all pretty much covered...huh...what to talk about...hey I've got a cool idea, everyone who reads this, leave a comment with something I should rant about, and then I'll read it, and respond appropriately with my opinion on the matter. that should prove interesting, eh? Hey so I was thinking earlier when in conversation with hogan, and we really only lightly touched on this (so much so that I think the actual topic I was thinking about wasn't mentioned). am I the only person who likes writing essays and stuff? I mean, I write essays and short stories and things without them being assigned, I liked doing that in english class, although I'd still sometimes skip out on the assignment or only turn in the final draft just cause I hate writing by hand. But I was talking to hogan and he was all saying how he disdained writing an essay that was supposed to be a resume or something. and I can see that I guess, but I never really though about it a lot, but I've realized that I personally enjoy writing crap like that. I dunno, I just thought it was interesting that people don't like to create...thoughts. or whatnot. ah-well, cya later.

OK, disregard the five posts or so back that are the same thing over and over again, my computer is royally screwed up. If you are gonna comment or anything just put it on THIS post. haha, ok, cya later

Hey all, just got outta school, got some coltrane playing, and so forth. I have lost a lot of sleep lately, which is kinda funny, because I'm not very depressed or anything, I'm just kinda excited and doing a lot of writing for the comic I've started work on. Don't worry, I'll keep the dancing devil thing going, how could I not? I started a pretty funny stream of comics for the site today actually, following my own rant about how I positively HATE the style nowadays. I mean, girls have no modesty anymore! have you noticed? Like even generally respectable ladies will wear skirts that are only like 8 inches long, it's ludicrous! Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm all, 'No, I hate seeing a woman's figure.' but first of all, why would you really want something anyone can see anyway? and if they dress really sluttily, chances are a good amount of the people who see it have had it too, eh? Now, this is just my argument, myself I don't go cruisin around or anything, I've lauren (who by the way dresses respectably god bless her...well most of the time *wink*....*hides so lauren doesn't kill him*) but if I was too, maybe it's just how I am but I don't want a whore, if I wanted a whore I'd buy one, if I wanted a slut I'd go to the nearest bar and pick up a drunk chick. For instance, like two weeks ago, this girl walks into my history class like ten minutes late, and she just strolls in and says, "sorry I'm late." now, this doesn't seem to terrible on the surface, but then you see her attire. She's wearing like a pleated skirt, that's possibly the SHORTEST skirt I 've seen in all my life (including dreams!) and this is pleated! Like, a free flapping graan plaid skirt, a tiny shit that shows off both her stomach and rack, no tights, and see through high heels. It looked like something out of an anime porno, and I was disgusted, they should not allow her into school like that. Maybe I'm betraying my manhood to say it was gross, but it was! with that much skin exposed, I will never feel comfortable if I for some reason have to sit in her chair. it was funny though, as soon as she walks in one guy in the back goes, "DAMN!" and then three guys all say, "Hi sam!" in a row, and she just smiles and waves. GAD, it just pisses me off so much that someone can have so little regard for conscientous behavior nowadays, and to protest, I'm going to start wearing *ssless pants. That's right, I'm going to cut the bottom out of my jeans (leaving enough fabric in the middle to hold the jeans up, and I'm just gonna walk around like this, with briefs of course, so all can see my fine booty to the wind. Here's what I say, every girl around, you lower your skirts hem an inch, and I will cover up an inch of my luscious patoot. how's that for a deal?

Now, this was not to let the guys off easy, they aren't dressing none to well either, on the plus side, nobody really likes to look at a guy's legs, or anything. So in leiu of the whole, immodest whore dressing way, they are just dressing really gay. Like they pay as much attention to fashion as the girls do. (I think it's ironic that I can say paying attention to fashion is gay, when I'm writing this long thing about it, don't you?) Like, no offense to anyone who does these things, and maybe it's just my laziness, but dressing the same as all your friends, and wearing really effeminate clothes, well, that seems kinda fairy-ie. Or, maybe it's just that I favor a "try not to care about anything" look or whatever, where I comb my hair as little as possible and dress as quickly as possible (for the most part). This could be because of how it looks, and I dunno, because I'd probably try to rationalize it if it were, but I think it's more how comfortable and easy it is. Also I patch my clothes and stuff if I can't sleep, so I'll be up late doing some real time consuming thing and then go to sleep, if you were thinking about that. I dunno, I just don't like how everybody just disregards age and lechery and does whatever the hell they want, girls go after guys looking at them, guys take this to heart and think of girls more and more like, "Will I do her?" and the funny thing is, I overheard a conversation earlier today, and the girl involved (the same skirt girl as before, in history) was saying things that led me to believe that the girls really don't think of this as bad, unless a guy will screw them and then cheat on them too. BAH! WOMEN WORKED FOR CENTURIES TO EARN THE RIGHT TO BE THOUGH OF AS MORE THAN SERVANTS OR OBJECTS, AND NOW YOU STUPID STUPID STUPID GIRLS ARE THROWING IT ALL AWAY SO THAT YOU CAN GET LAID?!? Or is it something else? I know that some girls are starved for male attention or whatever, but that's not the way to go about it, it's twisted to think it is, but I haven't been in there shoes so I can't really fault them, but still, there is so much more out there if people would only look beyond f*cking! ARG. anyway, I'm done now, cya'll later.

Hey hey, I'm not updating much because I have focused my efforts on comic-izin, as opposed to writing this crap that no one cares about nor reads, barring maybe lauren. I guess I'll give you an update on my life, I went over lauren's house on the weekend, ryan has finished moving to his new place, I'm wearing taylor's pants and...oh yeah, I've begun to slip into a mind melting spiral towards madness. Here is my latest opinion of things, Every problem I have with people, every person I like or don't like, every inconvenience in my life, is brought on by myself. the state I'm in that causes me to BRING this upon myself isn't my fault, it's more a fault of strife my family has had to go through, or my crippling self conciousness. So far this year I have done my best to pass school with good grades (it was my original plan to try and move up to all s1) but I am not really doing that, I'm passing, solely on test scores and make-up work, and essentially I'm back to square one of my life, I feel the exact same way I did in sixth grade, the only difference is now I have a girlfriend so I don't have to deal with the horrible distraction of lust that I used to, I can focus more on horrible boredom and a birds eye view of my potential decaying. I don't see a point to trying, and as much as I know I should so I can go to a good college, or as much as I know my parents will be upset with my perpetual failure, the only things that give me joy nowadays is being with lauren, slacking off with chums, and sleeping. I know I'm intelligent enough to pass this stuff, WHY WON'T THEY JUST LET ME GO!? Not bragging here, give me a month to read, and day of testing, I'd have to pass to get out of school, and I'd pass it with at least a c+. I'm sick of the constant dragging down sensation that all the idiots of our society cause. Why can't I be left the right to choose what I want to do? Even when there aren't set rules (aka, I don't HAVE to go to school now that I'm 16) there are stupid unwritten rules or ideas like "I can't get a good job if I don't go to college" and "Nothing is easy." So does it mean I'm kidding myself when things are easy? Does it mean I'm not "prepared for the real world" when I find doing driveling repetitive BS all day boring? Give me a challenge, give me something to actually LEARN and not just DO, that's the differenfe between me and the kids at school, they just DO work, they do not LEARN, they do NOT expand their brains and debate and think about every little aspect they can on a subject to see what there is to KNOW about it, I know I'm not a big thinker too, but I'm not gonna do the same "do this do that" shit all day. AH, well, I'm out fellas' tim is here. g'day.

Hey everyone, I'm here at lauren's house, and havin fun. Uh, I don't have much to say but lauren told me to update. Cyall later chumlies.