The Obscure

Hey everyone, this is a crazy nightwriting I wrote last night, I would have put it on my blog then, but I was denied online access. I am a messed up guy haha, mind you, this was all written under a different frame of mind then I am usually in.

"It is...1 am. I have just gotten out of the shower, and dried off with a warm towel. I maintain, most tenaciously, that the single best earthly phenomenon is drying off with a warm towel. Such an act is almost divine in nature, it is truly comforting to witness the pleasure that can be taken from such infintismal things. After drying off, to the best of my ability (which was difficult given the shower-steamed state of the bathroom), I moved to my room and attempted to draw, to no avail. I tried to go online, to no avail. I sat and thought for a long time on what to do with my insomnia tonight, and it was all essentially to no avail. So I write. There is a bug in my drink, I don't care, I will drink anyway. There, I think I have just dispatched of the bug, he is well on his way to his enzymie-doom. I had a long conversation with Lauren tonight, her friend Leah was there. I felt kind of regretful over having left Leah out to her own devices while I took her friend away from her, but what is done is done, as they say. I am a terrible writer, I am sure any reader of this is lost beyond comparison at this point. I may be posting this on my blog tomorrow, if I do not you have been spared this confusion, although you will never know it. During my talk with Lauren (mind you she is in a silly state, at this particular portion of the lunar cycle) she said something to the effect of, "I love you, and all your friends do too.". She of course said this because I am a self deprecating bastard and I make he sad and sympathetic with my whiny ways. But it lead me to think, why do any people like me? At all? Let alone the somewhat, large portion of the people who I have met? There is a name for what I am, what I act like, what I PRETEND to be, it is *sshole. Everything I do is pretend! Everyone just acts like that isn't true, but it is! I do not even know if I am writing how I truly feel right now, because in an hour or so after completing this composition I am going to look back and see how I faked this. Or am I not? Your guess is as good as mine, reader. Let me try and put things in perspective to all who read this, chances are if I "know" you, you have the entirely wrong idea of who I am. Even those closest to me, there are few I have confided in. I find it hard to tell Lauren entirely how I feel about things, because I am afraid she will leave me. I find it difficult, on a smaller scale, to tell Dave entirely how I feel about things, because I am afraid that once he knows how I really am, he won't hang around with me. I love all my friends with all my heart, but I am not real to them. No matter how much I try to be so, I can never do it. EVEN THIS IS SELFISH! This beating down on myself bullsh*t, will I ever grow up?! Will I ever just figure out what I need to do and stop bothering people and hurting myself with my constant feigned matyrdom? Good God, if it were up to Me, I'd kill myself, but I won't let Me do that. Goodnight everyone, I am sorry for wasting your time."

That's it, kinda crazy eh? I tried to go back and cover up the few swears and stuff haha. My stupid mouse is pissing me off, it refuses to click correctly. I didn't know that would be so annoying. Ah well, you learn something new every day. G'day all.