The Obscure

I'm not feeling great, I stayed home from school. My comics purely suck, I've found. I don't like how they look when I finish inking them, I'll have to work on that, I've been using a calligraphy pen lately and just inking the penciling straight up, I think I'm gonna put a lot of shadow into them and stuff, like have a lot of just dark patches in the frame, you know? I thought that would be pretty sharp, also I want some colored ink so bad! No, this isn't a horrible slang term for a black man (although I do want that too) I want some ink with...color, besides just black ink (there it is again!) so I can color the comics, I think if I take the pencilings I have, and color them and have a lot of shadow and stuff, they'll be looking pretty nice. but you have to take into account that well, I'm still 16, I'm still learning how to draw stuff, I mean, I'm not artistically inclined, all I have is just cause I practice ALL the time, if you wanna know how I'm really inclined, it's writing and math. and science, I dunno, if I tried I could do well academically, I know I could because I can do well on tests (I originally wrote 'testes' there) harry paratestes. haha. Anywho, "What power would be left to hell if it's prisoners could not dream of salvation?" that was a (not ver batim) quote from "sandman" which I remembered earlier when I was poopin, pretty strange eh? I feel inscrutable right now, I don't feel like I'm sad really, but I'm definately not happy, I'm just...there. This is what it's like to be fully awake for me. I feel ok physically (or I would, if I hadn't this cold) but mentally I'm just kinda...lukewarm. when I'm tired I'm either really cray messed up, depressed, or just purely creative. right now I think I'm left a husk of my former self. I can't see myself living another ten years. Not because I'm unhealthy (even though I am) but just that, well, if it weren't for lauren, and hanging around with my friends which doesn't actually happen a lot anymore, I'd have no clinging to life. Sure, I'd not kill myself, I lack the testicular fortitude to do that, but I would just stop trying altogether. I know you all think I already did stop trying, but I'm...still in school, you know? I still plan to go to college, but I'm always just a step away from dropping out and just living in my room eating wheat thins and living off of my parents till I die of a heart attack at 27. I'm sorry to pound out the same repetative bullshit you've all read on here (if you've read on here at all) a thousand times, But I'm stupid, I know I am, I have the potential to be smart, but my brain is always empty. I'm stupid, I have no goals in life, everything I've tried to do, I'm failing at. I started writing a book a month ago, I have maybe 5 pages written haha, every time I'm feeling particularly down I'll write a passage, it's supposed to be the writings of a mad man as he goes insane, I think...I think I'm qualified to write that. here is a poem dealy that will be on the first page of the book, if I ever finish it...

If you think you know what's what
And if you think that you know how
To answer all Man's eager questions
If this is so, tell me now
Then come and take a walk with me
A relaxing stroll down Madness Lane
And you wil think again, you'll see
Once you've seen, what once was sane.

I'm pretty sure I've posted that online before, But I don't remember doing it so what the hell, eh? that's the guys first entry in the book, in the second one it describes his house, and stuff. I dunno, He remains nameless the whole time, as it's in the first person. whatever man, I'm gonna go play FFVII. G'day.