The Obscure

Do you ever feel so strange and inscrutable that all you can think of to do is take a piece of paper and scrawl "F*CK!!" on it in huge letters? When you are feeling low, or at least when I am feeling low, there is some solace to be taken in creating vulgarity. On occasion I will pick up my pencil and a sketchbook and spend the next three hours doing my best (which still is not great) to draw someone being knifed, or getting shot in their face. No one in particular, just that fact that I am making something OBSCENE to relate to... whatever divine power (perhaps only my conscience) how my brain is fairing. AIGH!! Do you know the noises I make when I am alone? Can you comprehend the animal ravings I would scream if there were no reprecussions? I am so freaking pissed off; I get the feeling like I want to go break bricks over my head till my skull splits, or I run out of bricks. The fools I have to put up with! Moreover, the fools who have to put up with ME!! I am a stupid, coldhearted bastard. I want to warn all of you people who associate with me, because I'm not going to ever do anything to you but be an asshole. I am sick of...being aware. I wish I could not know anything, I wish I was a comatose f*cking vegetable. I wish I didn't have to think, all I would do was sit there staring blankly at the ceiling and listening to "The Eagle's Greatest Hits- Gold Collection" on repeat for decades. That is my wish if I ever become ill or injured in such a fashion to be put on permanent life support, do not pull the plug, let me listen to that eagles compilation till the end of my blissful half-life. Maybe every now and again put on a mini-laser show in my room to give me a trippy dream or something, and carry on my dynasty of course; get a sperm sample and make a child to be named "Jaunes Rodrigo Colon". Do not tell him his father was the shining failure I am, lie for me. Now, I'm going to...well I'm going to sit in this chair and wish I never existed as I am, wish I had a stupid beautiful brain; as opposed to the ugly, malformed one I was cursed with. Go F*ck yourself.

Quote: What is the ugliest part of your body? It's your mind.- Frank Zappa (lyrics quoted very loosely)