The Obscure

Hey hey again guys, I was rude to big poppa lauren last post. I was just joshin, her and I had a conversation about that at one time that I had had in mind when I made that joke. But reading over it, it was kinda mean and all. She commented on it and stuff. So I'm saying to all of you, you really can't take what I say seriously. Like ever, honestly I'm never really serious when I say things. Mentally I'm always just thinking about some innuendo I can pull out of (hehe) whatever topic is being talked about.

BAH! I tire of this crap. Do you guys ever get sick of trying to talk? Like I tell you, I can never, EVER express what I am thinking correctly. Even on my most eloquent days, I'm still stuck in this rut where I can't tell people how I feel right, or I can't write my opinions or a story or anything in the exact way I want to. You know what? I think it's because I'm a closeted perfectionist, that's why. If I wasn't so goddamn lazy and I actually put effort into anything I do, then all the things I do would have to be JUST RIGHT for me. But instead I have this way of just giving up instead of perfecting things. That's me now, I'm a closeted perfectionist. Let me tell you guys, I'm getting really burnt out again lately. It doesn't really apply to anyone reading this except maybe that bombshell I am dating. (see, I told you I'd call you a bombshell from now on.) For those of you who don't know, bombshell means really hot. Anyway, yeah I'm just getting fed up with things, I'm once again finding myself sitting there on my couch (..I'm sitting there, on the Group W couch..) for hours on end, hungry as hell, and not moving at all. Not even because of my surgery crap, but just because I don't see the point of going to make a sandwich. Hell, I'll just be hungry again tomorrow, right? So what's the point? I've said before that I wish I could be a musician because it would give me something to do in life. Right now, I strive to be an artist, because it will give me something to do in life. I have intelligence, at least enough to pass all my classes. I could write a book, that would give me something to do in life. But lately I've come to realize that it isn't that I don't have something to do in life; it's that invariably if I do have something to do, I waste it. I waste it away till it's just another basic latent talent on my shelf, that I never use. Drawing, drumming, writing, Shit even READING. I could play video games all the time like I used to, but I'm not playing them anywhere near as much as I did even though I have more and better ones now. I tell you, if I had the musical talent that Tim has, and the lyrical talent that Ryan has, and the aesthetic talents that Lauren has, and the pure brilliance that Taylor has all combined, I would f*cking sit there on my couch (...I'm sitting there, on the Group W couch...) and waste it away like I do everything else I've ever touched. You know what? I know what the point to doing things is, the problem is I just don't care.

You can get anything you want, at alice's restaurant.