The Obscure

Howdy y'all. How you all doing? I'm doing alright. Actually I'm not doing very good at all, my head hurts really bad. I'm gonna go turn off the light, be right back....

Ok I'm back. That's much better. I had some stuff that I was holding inside my brain pockets earlier, but now I don't feel that way anymore because I worked it all out of my system while listening to a series of different Mooded albums. Fun times. So now I am pretty happy, or at least content, whereas before I was feeling like pure mo lovin' shazz.

I failed three things this term. Which means I am in "danger of failing for the year" in pretty much every class. I don't care, I can pull through, I always have so far. My problem is, I really don't care whether I fail in school. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't make me feel dumb because I know I could ace it if I tried (not to be pompous, but when you get three Fs in one class and then an A on the midyear exam, I mean... You do the math). It doesn't make me fear being unsuccessful or whatever, because I don't want success. The only thing it does is make me feel like a bastard because I am disappointing my parents. I guess that's kinda dumb, but it's true. I think the only reason I'm still in school is cause I don't want to disappoint my parents.

I can write real personal things on here, I've found. I don't know if that's good or bad. I mean there is lines I'm never gonna cross with the 'personal stuff' and you can thank jesus for those lines; but still, broadcasting of a world wide network my feelings about my future... I dunno, it's seems odd that someone as nervous as me could do that.

I was telling Tim and Taylor the other day about a song I wrote called, "Tu Taco Es Muy Taco"... It's just a collection of all the spanish words I know. If I can find where I wrote it down, I'll post it on the site soon haha.

I've been perpetually tired lately. I dunno what's going on. Maybe I have gonarrhea. I don't know what the symptoms of gonarrhea are besides painful peeing. I don't have that... I think. I dunno, it was just a guess; maybe it's not gonarrhea, maybe it's cirrhosis. Again, just a guess.

well I guess I'm done with this blog update for now, I gotta go to a driver's ed class in an hour because that's the only way my mom will drive me to go to Lauren's house tomorrow. Yeah I'm going to Lauren's house tomorrow. Hooray! Hope I don't turn into a jackass on the way!

Haha, I'ma leave you with these lyrics that I posted in an earlier update, but they seem to capture how I am feeling right now, for me anyway.


"Tennessee Jed"
Words by Robert Hunter; music by Jerry Garcia.

Cold iron shackles and a ball and chain
Listen to the whistle of the evening train
You know you bound to wind up dead
if you don't head back to Tennessee, Jed

Rich man step on my poor head
When you get up you better butter my bread
Well you know it's like I said
You better head back to Tennessee, Jed


Tennessee, Tennessee
There ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me
Back to Tennessee


Drink all day and rock all night
Law come to get you if you don't walk right
Got a letter this morning and all it read:
You better head back to Tennessee, Jed


I dropped four flights and cracked my spine
Honey come quick with the iodine
Catch a few winks down under the bed
Then head back to Tennessee, Jed


Tennessee, Tennessee
There ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me
Back to Tennessee


I ran into Charley Phogg
He blacked my eye and he kicked my dog
My dog he turned to me and he said
Let's head back to Tennessee, Jed


I woke up a feeling mean
Went down to play the slot machine
The wheels turned round and the letters read
Better head back to Tennessee, Jed


Tennessee, Tennessee
Ain't no place I'd rather be
Baby won't you carry me
Back to Tennessee

I don't know quite why they capture my feelings right now, but they do. When I have an emotion I have to search around for a little while for a song that carries that emotion's Tone. Does that happen to other people? I spent about a week and a half listening to "Harvest" over and over and over again, three weeks ago. Fun times.

Haha, welp, see you.