The Obscure

Hey everyone. I am updating! It's only maybe once in a blue moon that John "Captain of the Spanish Guard" Colon updates his site. Provided the blue moon is daily, of course. Sometimes bi-daily. Does bi-daily mean twice a day or every two days? I always get confused on Bi-weekly. Meh.
So Tim stayed over last night, but he fell asleep at like one or something, I didn't fall asleep till like 4:30 but I think in doing so I woke him up, then when I woke up at Ten he was gone. I haven't spoken to him since.
My parents actually WOKE me up at ten, it was not by choice. My mom came in and prodded me with her foot saying, "John, you need to get up, Joyce needs help putting in her air conditioner... No she can't put it in herself... She needs it now cause she's going on vacation... she got it right before she went on vacation because it was on sale... wake up you stupid bastard." and so forth.
So I woke up, put on some un-sleepy clothes, brushed my teeth and my dad and I went to put in Joyce's air conditioner, (on the way I got an espresso). So we're rollin' along, talking about music and coffee and communism and god-knows-what-else my dad knows everything about; we pull into Joyce's driveway right as she is pulling out! So she honks and kicks it in reverse for a sec and my dad and her are talking through their windows, apparently someone else installed the air conditioner but she didn't feel like calling us, or something. So, since we were already up, we decided to drive to my cousin's house and get our boat out of the basement.
...and that's when the world got mad.

See, apparently there is a new law that a third of the world's scary looking spiders and cobwebs have to live in that basement. I don't know why I didn't know, I must have missed the memo. So I'm down there in my slippers, lifting one end of a fifteen foot long canoe over stacks of buckets and general Stone-related debris; when I see dangling (directly in front of my face, no less), a long strand of spider webs, about two feet long, covered in giant translucent white spiders.
Now, I'm not really scared of spiders, leastwise not much more than I am scared of any other bug or arachnid (what have you), but this nonetheless got the better of me, and I kinda freaked out and almost dropped the boat.
Luckily there was an iron apparatus of some kind to break the fragile fiberglass boat's fall.
I then recovered my composure and we hauled the boat out of there.
Ask yourself this, though, have you ever seen two scrawny armed, lanky puerto ricans in almost-pajamas pulling a fifteen foot long, four foot wide canoe sideways out of a three foot wide farmhouse bulkhead on a sunny summer morning? Well if not, I will put it to you simply: if there was a Melissa Etheridge song in the background it would have been the greatest single hour of my entire life.

Long story made slightly longer, I watched Smokey and the Bandit the other night. I was really excited about it, but I haven't told a soul yet. It was such a good movie, it reminded me of a joke I heard once, but it's kind of one of those spur of the moment one-liner jokes that you can't really quote comfortably.

So it feels like I've been awake for a week and it's been five hours. I need more coffee; and I will now go make some. Good morrow, all.