The Obscure

Welcome, one and all, to the incongruent ravings of an inferior mind!

Saturday, October 09, 2004

 
I got a pretty bad case of the funks. Dude, I got something woiken into my bones here, something that don't quite do me right.
It is like I know less of myself than You do. You, in this case, is no particular person. You, is a thing I have come to think of as the Immortal You, or the Unkillable You. You is a part of myself that is projected onto people who I meet, and they all (to me) become this one entity that is always the opponent of My mental point-man, which is the "Cosmic Self". The Cosmic Self giveth, the Immortal You taketh away, and on goes the dance.
See, it makes perfect sense. I am two people, right? Two people, in one body. One of them, the Immortal You, is all the parts of myself that I do not like. The parts of me I wish I didn't have, but I know are there. The Immortal You is the person I dislike the most in the world, and I only dislike this person more because I know that they are an integral part of Me. Then, there is the Cosmic Self. The Cosmic Self is a child, innocent in mind and soul--but at the same time, wise and learned, having taken lessons from the experiences thrust upon it by the actions of the Immortal You.
So, the ideas of the Immortal You are projected by my mind onto the faces of the people I exist alongside, and I think of them as as person with the Immortal You's twisted judgement and skewed interpretations of reality. I judge them based on the qualities I know the Immortal You possesses, and hence I find it very difficult to be frank with people, to let on about how I really am. Because I know that one of the worst things about the Immortal You is that it must always be judgemental, and it is always mocking. Even though my logical mind knows that everyone is not within the Immortal You's sphere of influence, (it even knows that I am the only one within the You's sphere of influence) I still find it impossible to try and open up to people, to ANY people, because I think that it will all be an elaborate trick pulled on my Cosmic Self by my Immortal You, to humiliate me and expose my roots.
Z'at make sense? That's why life is complicated for me, or one of the many reasons. I think that everyone is part of some wacky conspiracy, that they are pawns of the "Other Man".
Then I actually THINK about that concern and laugh at it, because it's crazy.
I'm such a wacko.
Disregard this post, I'm half asleep. Goodnight everyone!

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