The Obscure

Oh, sweet manifestation of my blogular nature, I have neglected thee too long.
How is everyone doing today? I am assuming that everyone is doing great. I took a long walk last night, which I haven't done in a too long a while. The cool thing about taking a really long walk at night is that, after 3 or 4 miles you begin to go temporarily crazy, because there is no one around, and the silence makes you think about things you wouldn't normally think of. I will give you an example...

Step, Step, Step
"I wonder how gravity works."
Step, Step, Step
"It's like there has always been an invisible person with a strong grip, holding me to the ground."
Step, Step, Step
"When I jump, it's like I am trying to pull away from them, but they are stronger and they pull me back down.
Step, Step, Step
"Gravity is like God. It holds us to the Earth, and imprisons us here. This is the Divine Plan, if we are limited to the resources of the Earth, then our free will has less range and we are therefore more predictable. Like mold cultivated in a sterile petri dish."
Jump, Jump, Jump
"Damn Gravity."
Step, Step, Step
"Rockin' around, the Christmas tree, have a happy holiday."

And so on.
The point is, after a while things that don't make sense or don't matter end up making perfect sense and seeming like the most important thing in the world, and you think, "When I get back to humanity, I am going to reveal this cosmic truth to them and totally blow their minds."
And then you walk into your house, and the "rules" click into place, and all the thinking you did no longer seems poignant.

Anyway.
I feel kind of sickly. I don't know why exactly. I had a terrible headache last night, it almost made me vomit. Isn't that a nice thing to know?
I remember now, why I haven't been updating as much lately. It's because I can't really think of anything to write on here anymore. I sit down at this desk and open the "Edit Blog" link on my bookmarks, and I tap, tap, tap away for a few minutes and I no longer feel the loud obnoxious blod-updating part of me yelling into my ears. The only thing I can still do with any kind of ease is writing the weird gibberish I write sometimes to get rid of the pressure in my mind. And I don't like to publish that, because it is stupid.

I wish there were a way to convey silence to someone on a blog.
Throughout my life I have become a connoisseur of silence. The kind of silence around me right now is sublime, it is 12:13 in the afternoon, I have just woken up home alone, the sound of the computer is in the background, but the only life in the house (besides my cats) is me, and the only human thought in the house is my own. It feels like my thoughts are rebounding off the walls and the corners of the house, like speeding shadows, and by the time someone else gets here the whole house will be full of them, my thoughts will be everywhere; and this place will have been, just for a few hours, my territory.
Does that make any sense?
This is my favorite kind of silence. There is the silence when someone else is home, battling your mind with theirs; not making a sound but creating tension between this room and the next. There is the silence when someone else is with you, which can sometimes be a happy silence, and sometimes a sad silence or an awkward silence. Sometimes you are with someone and you just don't feel the need to talk, and you sit there without thinking, in a comfortable way, for hours.
But those things are nothing next to the silence of solitude. Here, you can hear all the sounds of the physical world, and all the sounds of the Mental world. Here, it seems like everything in the house is alive, and it is all part of your mind. And with no one else around, I guess it could be.

I need a hobby.
Anyway, I have been awake for a good half an hour now, and I have yet to have had coffee. "I have yet to have had"? Does that make any sense?
Whatever. Goodbye ladies and gents, I apologize for the lack of hackneyed obscure witticisms or whatever it is I usually attempt to write on this blog, but I am feeling not quite myself lately; so the odd productions of cerebral loneliness is all you are getting for now.
Have a good day, friends and countrymen, and a good evening.

*Edit*
I got one of my Dostoyevsky books in the mail today, The Possessed. And let me tell you, man, it is funny. I didn't expect it to be funny. It is also an excellent example of Socio-Political Commentary. Ha.