The Obscure

Welcome, one and all, to the incongruent ravings of an inferior mind!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

 
I am totally out of my head right now, it is very diffucult to type, so forgive me if I have some kind of mistake in this post. It appears that no one reads these but Katie Hakala, and that is perfectly alright. I do not write these posts for all of humanity, only for my close friends and those that have somehow become interested. Unfortunately, I had a good idea for a writing earlier today and I don't think I will be able to write it in my current state. I will write it as best I can though, I've already written it in one of my journals, the one Katie gave me, actually.
There are no unremarkable people, there is no one on this earth who is actually bland and "normal". There is no accepted norm, the idea that there is a human ideal is preposterous. Human beings were blessed with illogic and cursed with logic. If we relied solely on logic to survive, we would all be relatively similiar. But our illogical minds come in to our every decision, and because of this, every human becomes unremarkable.

I have it written much better in my journal, but as I said, I am out of my head right now. You see, I went up on my dosage of lithium to 1350 milligrams, and I think it may have made my headaches go away, and tonight I celebrated that. I probably celebrated a bit too much, judging from my current state, so tomorrow is going to be hell. But if this is the truth, if I actually can avoid the cluster migraines by taking this dosage of lithium, I don't care. I'll celebrate every night until the earth turns into liquid fire; and I will thank God for the chance to do so. The lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. He's taken away enough from me, I think, if this works I will dance a jig for forty full days and forty full nights. I am in NO PAIN. I have not been in no pain, regardless of my blood/chemical balance, for 2 and a half years. I couldn't remember what it was like earlier, I kept on expecting to feel something, anything, coming out of my head or shoulders or spine, but nothing came.
If you pray, please pray that thise dosage of lithium stops my headaches; and if you don't, please give your best wishes. I am feeling good today, but who knows about tomorrow? Or the day after? Pray for me, if you can. I have been hurting for so long, of for it to feel like it is ending is magnificent, I can't stand to have that taken away. It probably will be taken away, and it will destroy me, but pray for me if you will, anyway. Living a pain-free life would be like living the life of the Rich and Famous, to me. So pray for me, if you can. I've experienced one day of this, and I would gladly die having experienced that, but I would like more of a natural human life, if it is available.
Anyway, that's all I have to say, I'm going to try to sleep now. Goodnight.

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