The Obscure

This is the bit where the crazy kid shoots his mouth off for no good reason.

Right now I am in what my psychopharmagologist calls my "Hypo-Manic" state. It's an extremely annoying state, it can last anywhere from three days to a month. It makes me a little hyperactive, a little OCD, it makes it so that my mind yammers on a hell of a lot more than when I am in my usual, comfortable, "Depressive" state.
I call my depressive state comfortable because it is what I have grown used to. I'll be in it for six to eight months, during which I will grow quite accustomed to hating myself and everything around me, and then I will have this weird spike where suddenly I like things and want to do stuff.
I mean, sure, the depressive state is real bad when it comes to a head, when I am sitting there "contemplating the knife," as I have so tactfully come to call it. It's hard feeling that way, it's hard having to yank the reins out of the hands of your insanity and make yourself give all of your sharp objects to your mother; or to just go and hide them from yourself outside for the night, or leave the whole situation behind altogether and go for a ten-mile walk, or go to someone's house and get drunk (well, that one isn't particularly hard, but it is a better alternative to shoving a knife through your heart). But those real hard nights are few and far between, most of the time you are just floating somewhere, kind of wishing you were dead, fantasizing about crazy car-wrecks where you go out with a bang, spending most of your time thinking about how strange you are, but never taking a step back to examine why it is, exactly, that you are strange in the first place.
You get used to that, that's easy shit. That's just self-loathing, it's nothing. Everybody does it, and I just want to be popular.
But these spikes, these spikes when my brain just yammers on and on like a broken radio set on some staticy AM talk-station with the volume knob turned all the way up--these things fucking suck.
And that's really all I have to say right now, I can't really think straight about anything in particular.