The Obscure

Hey fellas, I'd give you a rundown of my weekend, but I don't feel like it. Thanksgiving came and past, and left none of us the better for having experienced it. I saw lauren here and there, and so forth. tim and joe are here, playing ghost recon. Pretty shnazzy. I've been breaking out like hell lately; Like, my pimples aren't anything as bad as they used to be, but they were pretty much gone for a while and now they are coming back and it's upsetting me. I think I might be sick, because I'm so tired and headachy today. I think I don't want to live the way I do anymore, but I don't know how to change it. Like, drug addicts, when they want to change their lies, they quit; same with alcoholics and nymphomaniacs. But, well what am I supposed to do? I'm clean, I'm sober, but I still don't like the rut I'm stuck in, what am supposed to do, quit having this attitude? Quit failing? I'm sleepy...so sleepy. Hey, everyone give taylor a hand! (job) he won!! WEEEEEE!!! uhg, maybe I could like...do some gigantic act of larsony, and then if I go to jail, whatever; it'll at least cause me to appreciate my life more, and if I don't...well I'll have money. Pretty sweet eh? tim is a big ol' sleepy kitty, WE'RE ALL BIG OL' SLEEPY KITTIES!! welp, I'm done now I guess, I dunno why I updated haha, I guess I just wanted to read some new comments. Comment damn you!

"Maestro! Give me a rumpshaker, or some other reasonable facsimile!"

Hey hey all, I stayed home from school today, got a headache. You know what I did last night? It was about like 10 30 and I looked at my bookshelf because I started putting together a list of my favorite authors (it ended up being like three pages long haha) and I remembered Lloyd Alexander. He was my absolute favorite author for about two years. He wrote the High King series. It's five books about Taran of Caer Dallben. I forgot all about them, so last night I picked up the first of the series (last night), "The Book of Three" (it's the title, not the order of the book) and I finished it (last night). I highly reccomend it, it's easy enough reading that I first read it when I was in fifth grade, but it's still literary genius; there is a lot to be said for being able to write for any audience. I have to find copies of the rest of the series though. Haha, I own two copies of the last book and one copy of the first but that's it. *cries* Ah well. I have a theory, your clothes...determine your mood. get it? Or at least contribute a lot to it. see, like, take prison. Prisoners all have to wear the same drab, uncomfortable clothes, and it slowly breaks their spirits. They get depressed and kind of lose a will to fight (against authority anyway, not each other) if all they see is the same colored walls and all they wear are the same depressing clothes every day, they are going to sink into a depression, that's just part of inprisonment. Take goths then, In my opinion, they are all stupid lousy fakers, BUT! If they get a little sad here and there, and slip into that goth thing slowly because they think they are that way, the clothes are going to cause them depression. Right? Like, what's to say that goth kids aren't all really depressed; but maybe instead of them being sad and then switching over to the gay "black clothes like my SOUL" thing, they started down the "goth" route and it caused their moods to be more morose, so they got more into the clothes, and got more morose, and eventually they are feeling bad and ornery all the time!

Now, Me. I am feeling happy now because I'm wearing some of my favorite clothes. Why do these make me happy? How should I know. Alls I know is they make me feel like I'm a creative mind somehow. Like, I'm wearing brown pants and a kinda tight white T-Shirt. This makes me feel either like a bluesy guy who just woke up, or some kind of...I dunno, writer or something. That may be just me, but it makes me happier. So here is my advice, you guys wanna be creative? Wear clothes that you are exquisitely comfortable in, like ones you may sleep in, and you'll be aaaaaaaaaaaalll right!

Hey all, Today is sunday, I just spent friday at 7 pm till saturday at 10:30 am with lauren and had a fantastic time. She got a new computer finally, like a good one too, it's got microsoft XP on it and everything. Um...I dunno that's about it, cya!

"the bigger the cushion
the better the pushin'
or so it is said
The looser the waistband
the deeper the quicksand
or so I have read

Big bottom, big bottom
talk about mudflaps, MY GIRLS GOT 'EM!
Big bottom drive me out of my miiiind
how could I leave this, Behind?"- Very loosely quotet spinal tap lyrics

Hey hey all, I'm home from school right now, I left early cause I had a headache. but....yeah I don't have anything else to say, leave a comment, everyone, Now. Or I will track you down and kill you. all of you, especially the women. Hey...if any of you have ladies, or guys, or whatnot, have you ever stared at their picture long enough that you almost cry? It's a strange feeling, you'd think you'd be happy looking at them or whatever, but it just makes you really lonely. Or it does to me, I dunno. Also, it makes me cold for some reason, like I think half the reason I hug lauren is because she is warm and it warms me up. Whatever, my advice to all of you is, (and I've said this before to those who will know what I'm talking about) You need to take your love softly into your arms, hold her close, and dance with her till the sun comes up! And when the light hits, and her upturned face looks at you questioningly, mouth agape, you need to answer her with a firm, pressing, reassuring kiss; THEN life will be aaaaaaaaaallll right. Toodles.

Hey hey, I just got back from a effecient and productive day at lauren's. She finally got a new computer (yay *two celebratory flags*) she said she'd go on tonight and if not for me to call her at 9 30. She probably won't come online, cause it is hard for her lately to get it up (hehe) by it, I mean her online services. Get your mind out of the gutter. the clock on my computer is stuck at 9 22 though, so I guess I'll just eyeball the whole...9 30 thing. Yeah, so I was in youth group tonight, and I realized that I am not a spiritually strong person. I switch around all the time, like all of my life is lies. It's really a terrible thing, even socially; it's not that I lie all the time, it's just that most of my live is lived under false pretenses. And sometimes I get the idea that perhaps my whole relgious self is under similiar pretenses. I dunno, but...well I...I know that I don't really have anything to bitch about, although I bitch all the time. I have horrible depressions every couple of days and they don't go away until I find some way to neutralize it, usually by going to someones house or drawing a comic or something, so most of the posts I have on this site are not a lucid version of myself. But you see, I don't have anything to complain about, in the grand scheme of things, my life is cushy. But on the other hand, I hate it when people make light of...my problems, although my problems are entirely self inflicted. BUT on the third hand I occasionally produce, there are times when I consider life to be a joke and just laugh my way through every thing. What the hell is going on? Which part of my life isn't a lie haha, it doesn't make any sense, leave me a comment with your advice please, I'm trying to figure some shizznat out.

Do you ever feel so strange and inscrutable that all you can think of to do is take a piece of paper and scrawl "F*CK!!" on it in huge letters? When you are feeling low, or at least when I am feeling low, there is some solace to be taken in creating vulgarity. On occasion I will pick up my pencil and a sketchbook and spend the next three hours doing my best (which still is not great) to draw someone being knifed, or getting shot in their face. No one in particular, just that fact that I am making something OBSCENE to relate to... whatever divine power (perhaps only my conscience) how my brain is fairing. AIGH!! Do you know the noises I make when I am alone? Can you comprehend the animal ravings I would scream if there were no reprecussions? I am so freaking pissed off; I get the feeling like I want to go break bricks over my head till my skull splits, or I run out of bricks. The fools I have to put up with! Moreover, the fools who have to put up with ME!! I am a stupid, coldhearted bastard. I want to warn all of you people who associate with me, because I'm not going to ever do anything to you but be an asshole. I am sick of...being aware. I wish I could not know anything, I wish I was a comatose f*cking vegetable. I wish I didn't have to think, all I would do was sit there staring blankly at the ceiling and listening to "The Eagle's Greatest Hits- Gold Collection" on repeat for decades. That is my wish if I ever become ill or injured in such a fashion to be put on permanent life support, do not pull the plug, let me listen to that eagles compilation till the end of my blissful half-life. Maybe every now and again put on a mini-laser show in my room to give me a trippy dream or something, and carry on my dynasty of course; get a sperm sample and make a child to be named "Jaunes Rodrigo Colon". Do not tell him his father was the shining failure I am, lie for me. Now, I'm going to...well I'm going to sit in this chair and wish I never existed as I am, wish I had a stupid beautiful brain; as opposed to the ugly, malformed one I was cursed with. Go F*ck yourself.

Quote: What is the ugliest part of your body? It's your mind.- Frank Zappa (lyrics quoted very loosely)

hullo everyone, guess what? I got a job!!!! I worked today and everything, I'm going to be working on tuesdays from now on, 2 15 to 7, pretty shnizzy eh? I'm working at the coffee shop I probably told everyone about already. I figure I'll be getting like 30 bucks a week. Not huge, but not nothing either, I'll be able to buy a cd or game once a week and eat food. WOO! heh heh, welp, I'm off to battle!

Hey hey all, how are you all doing today? I am doing well, I just got back from the doctors. I finally got the weird thing I have on my lower abdomen checked out, turned out it's a small "ignatial" (I doubt that's actually the word) hernia. So I have to get surgery in a week or so, because of the nature of the hernia, it can become strangulated easier than most. The doctor was telling me though that some guys, instead of getting surgery will just keep popping the hernia back in themselves (like I've been doing), for years. He said he's seen like guys with ballsacks the size of like bowling balls, because like half of their intestines are in there. Man, what a strange image huh? welp, I'm out.

quote for the day/maybe week: "I've seen guilt lead to guilt, I've dreamed of bitterness scorched into love like fire on solid oak."

DR. SEUSS MADEPOLITICAL CARTOONS!!! this is the coolest thing ever hahaha, you have to check it out!!

You know what? I am damn sick of using lo-fi blogger. Man, it is so incovenient, it's like trying to wade through three feet of human brains. *sigh* I'm sick of writing blogs that just tell people what I've done for the past couple of days, like a...john's life update. BAH! I'm NOT HAVING IT. But I don't feel like not updating at all so I'll just right some stuff. Uh, me and taylor want to start a newsletter, maybe I'll do some writing for that tonight, it wouldn't be too hard to get together just a coupla pages sort of thing you know? just a couple sheets of paper, I figure I can have my friends write stuff for it if they want to, and me and taylor will just right steady articles and tim and ryan and dave and such can do album reviews and reccomendations or opinion slots. also I was thinking I could have people (if anyone besides US is getting it haha) mail or email me opinion articles or just articles ot poetry or comics or whatever and I'd put it in. I like the idea of putting comics in there and stuff, I dunno, chances are maybe we'll have one issue of it and then give up, but It'd be fun to do. I was gonna put fliers up around, and have people call up and I'd mail it out for like 50 cents a copy, and give it out twice a month or so. 50 cents just so I could have them printed out and stuff, you know? welp, I'm out.